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Strictly speaking, alcoholism is never a good thing. When any person becomes an alcoholic, there are a myriad of people who are adversely affected by the decisions of the person. However, in family environments, parental alcoholism can have a unique impact on the children in a home. Specifically, the Daily Mail recently reported on the challenges an alcoholic mother creates for the home.
The article discusses the impacts on the children and spouses in specific cases. One man told how he became both a mother and a father to compensate for his wife’s lack of involvement in the lives and well being of the children. Another story highlights …
… the children’s response of not being able to lean on the mother for any support since there was always a chance she would be inebriated.
I have been close to someone whose mother struggled with alcoholism, and I saw the way the family was forced to handle a tough situation. Like all aspects of growing up that turn out less than ideal, it forced the children to act as adults when the mother (and sometimes the father) could not. The problems with alcoholism seeped into her relationship with her husband, causing the children to be concerned not only about the mental and physical health of their mother, but about the shaky relationship between their parents. I found the article to be fairly accurate, comparing my own experience watching alcoholism injure all the relationships of the family.
Other than these anecdotal stories, the article discusses the challenges of measure this trend on the aggregate:
There are no exact statistics to illustrate the extent of the problem, say experts, because by its very nature, maternal drinking tends to take place behind closed doors. And children affected by their mothers’ drinking do not easily talk about it because of feelings of guilt and embarrassment.
Upon reading this story, I wanted to know why this problem is such an issue with mothers specifically. The article briefly mentions a few possible explanations for the increase in female alcoholism in general:
Government statistics show a marked rise in female alcohol consumption over the past ten years.Binge drinking among women has almost doubled, from eight per cent of all women in Britain in 1998 to 15 per cent in 2006. Figures for male drinkers have barely changed over the same period. The increase is blamed on the huge surge in wine drinking among women as well as the influence of advertising and the availability of cheap alcohol in supermarkets.
However, since middle class mothers are typically not a group of people I would think to be at risk for alcoholism, I wanted more explanation than this. Why are mothers in this type of environment susceptible to this kind of mental illness? Do you have any conjectures?
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“Government statistics show a marked rise in female alcohol consumption over the past ten years.”
I still would like to know how these claims can be made. Maybe female alcoholism was so hush hush in the past no one talked about it. Maybe fewer female aloholics received treatment.
On the rise? Maybe more talked about and out in the open.
That’s what I was wondering about too. This article reminded me of the song “Mother’s Little Helper” and that song was a hit back in the 60’s. I’m not sure that addiction in middle aged women is a new thing.
Considering how easy it is to get alcohol, it’s probably not new at all.
I don’t know about stats, but I know that my sil and her friends start drinking about 3 in the afternoon and don’t stop until they go to bed. They are all SAHMs and I get that it’s stressful, but I get tired of them criticizing my husband and I going out three nights a week when they’re on FB bragging about how many bottles of wine they’ve drained while making and feeding the kids dinner. They are quick to point out that my fil and others have drinking problems but they can’t see themselves.
Sorry, that all came out bitchy. I’m not saying they’re alcoholics, but I am saying that just because they have kids doesn’t make them immune from abusing alcohol.
I’m pretty sure they aren’t fooling their kids either…
It is a fact that women are more susceptible to develop the disease of alcoholism between the ages of 28- 35 years old.
My mother just had to deal with my brother’s best friend’s mother for several weeks because they wanted to have their high school graduation parties together at the friend’s mom’s house. My mom didn’t realize that the woman is a raging drunk until she’d already agreed. We had to go to her house with my cousin two days before the party and clean the useless cow’s house because she wouldn’t. It’s a gorgeous home (probably worth $2 or $3 million), but she has no money because her husband divorced her (surprise!). It is falling into disrepair because she won’t even do upkeep cleaning, like cleaning her bathrooms and wiping down the kitchen after she uses it. I spent hours and hours cleaning things that shouldn’t NEED to be submerged in scalding water and scrubbed within an inch of their lives.
Meanwhile, as my mother, my cousin and I are slaving away, this woman comes home from shopping for five minutes, then decides to leave again on “errands” to avoid having to help clean her OWN house. My mom made the mistake of bringing over several beautiful antique blue vases to put on tables with flowers. Guess what? They’re “missing”. All 15 of them.
I get that alcoholism is a disease, but when things get THAT bad and you’re a mother (or father) who is responsible for your children, you need to get help. You are endangering your kids’ lives and people like me are going to be resentful and judge you. I have no idea why this woman started drinking – she had the perfect life; she was wealthy, had two great kids, lots of friends, took extravagant vacations, etc. And she threw it all away for booze. Maybe she was depressed or something, but that’s what SSRI’s are for. I have no sympathy for people who insist on self-medicating with drugs and alcohol when they can afford to go to a ritzy rehab and pay a psychiatrist.
You actually stated the obvious. Think about it…Why would any person, male or female, throw EVERYTHING away for alcohol? That statement alone supports the idea that aloholism is a disease not a choice. Normal for alcoholics is to drink. The thought of NOT drinking is abnormal. And, yes, it is a very selfish, self-centered, egotistical disease.
I also will go on to say that once an alcoholic has attained sobriety then goes out and drinks again, it is now a choice.
Picking up the bottle instead of getting help is a choice. It’s a choice that alchoholics feel a strong compulsion for, but it’s still a choice. If it weren’t then rehab (teaching people to have more willpower) would never work.
[...] those in the upper and middle classes, are just as likely to be users. ZL has already covered alcoholism among middle class mothers and it appears that a similar culture of denialism and sweeping under the rug seems to exist around [...]
[...] in California). People are all bent out of shape about it, yet they have no problem with alcohol use. And abuse, in some cases. In my experience, booze is way more damaging than pot could ever [...]