Britain’s Daily Mail just reported that Tressa Middleton’s pregnancy at the age of twelve was not the result of casual drunken sex as previously believed (and as I previously responded to here). Turns out the story is even more complex — and even more tragic — than many might have thought:
Her baby was the product of a rape and the child’s father – the perpetrator of the attack – was her own brother.
Last year, Jason Middleton, then 19, was jailed for four years for the attack. He was 16 when it happened, at the family home in West Lothian, five years older than his sister.
Because of her age at the time, Tressa could not be identified as his sister, or named, so the two stories could never be linked.
Uh … wow. Although I responded to the facts as they had been previously reported (that Tressa Middleton was a drunken product of a horrible home environment), I feel horrible in light of these new revelations. Because of the fact that Jason Middleton was jailed for the attack and the timeline coincides, it seems that Tressa’s story is completely true:
Yet, today, partly because her relationship with her family seems beyond repair and also for her own peace of mind, Tressa has taken the extraordinarily brave step of waiving her legal right to anonymity (one afforded to all rape victims, whatever their age), to tell the Daily Mail the truth about how her child came to be.
I am honestly kind of impressed with this young woman’s courage in coming forward with such an obviously painful incident. A part of me remains a bit cynical about how she allowed herself to be portrayed by the media, but I applaud her for coming out with the truth (and the media certainly spins things in the direction it wants them to go in many cases).
However, I stand by my opinion that the little girl born as a result of this debacle should be left alone with her adoptive family. Tressa Middleton should be allowed to move on with her life, and she should allow her child the same opportunity.
I went out with a group of college friends in the home state of one of them once. We congregated at the home of “Sally,” the childhood friend of one of my buds. I noticed various pictures of a baby on top of her bureau when we were getting dressed to hit the club and asked Sally if it was her niece or something. I was at first embarrassed when she informed me that it was the baby she’d given up for adoption when she was sixteen, but then I was just so impressed with Sally’s strength of character. She was thrilled with six month updates via letters and pictures that allowed her the peace of mind in knowing that her child was living a wonderful life where she was loved, cared for, happy, and healthy.
Sally thinks about her baby girl every day, but she knows that her decision was right for her child. So does Tressa Middleton. So while I certainly feel differently about her than I did when I wrote a post in response to the prior Daily Mail article, I am still frustrated by her inability to give her child the gift of a normal life.
Tressa Middleton said in the new article, “Babies always love their mothers, don’t they? It’s one of them things about life.” Man, this story continues to break my heart.
What do you think about the new developments?
In light of this, I feel even more strongly that she was unable to give informed consent. What a horrible situation.
In the US, open adoption is very common. It may be a visit once a year, or letters and pictures, but there is some contact. I can’t imagine the gaping hole in her heart after being raped by her brother and then being forced to consent to adoption.
Honestly, I think it’s better for everyone if she has very limited contact with her child still. The fact that the child was the product of rape and incest really makes me think that extensive contact with her child would do more damage to the mom than it could possibly help.
As for her “Babies always love their mothers, don’t they? It’s one of them things about life” comment, I realize it’s an incredibly sad situation, but I also think it’s best for everyone to move on. She isn’t the child’s mother anymore.
I don’t necessarily disagree with most what you have to say, Erin, but for this:
“She isn’t the child’s mother anymore.”
She is, she always will be, especially in her heart. You cannot take that away from her.
It is probably healthier for all concerned if contact were limited to the twice yearly updates. Can you imagine the mind numbing blow to the baby’s psyche to find out that she is the product of incest and rape? Her adoptive parents have their work cut out for them. As I understood from the article, the UK allows adopted children to search for their birth parents at the age of 18.
I phrased my statement poorly. What I meant was that, to the child, Tressa is not her mother. The woman who is taking care of her is her mother, and Tressa is the woman who gave birth to her. Perhaps when the child is older (maybe 6 or 7 years old? I’m not sure) and expresses a desire to know her birth mother visitation would be appropriate, but I think that right now it would just cause distress.
I understand how heartbreaking Tressa’s situation is, but I also think that she needs to be patient for the good of her kid. I don’t think she should never have contact, but I do think she should wait for a few years until both she and the kid are older.
In that case, I can agree with you. I agree with Blurry’s sentiment, especially considering my personal experience on the subject, but it’s true that the child doesn’t know her as her mother.
I refer to the woman who adopted my daughter as her mother. Because she is. I would call myself her bio-mom, maybe, but I’m not her mother in her heart.
I wouldn’t force myself into her life, ever. In fact, I’ll wait until she wants to know me. If that’s never, then it’s the price I paid for her to have a life I couldn’t give her.
Ok, Ladies and Gents, I’m really curious like Katie, does this new development change any thoughts that were commented on the last post?
I have been thinking about this a lot.
I’m afraid that my over-riding feeling on this whole subject has been horror and pity.
It hasn’t changed in the least except in intensity.
It will be a miracle if this child ever fully matures emotionally enough to get past everything that has happened. I truly feel that there is often permanent damage inflicted on kids when they are neglected as this child and her siblings appear to have been.
Heartbreaking.
I stand by what I said, she is a child and judgment should rest squarely on her parents. I hope you heartless assholes who said terrible things about her feel great now. And I hope this is a lesson in not judging people when it’s clear that we don’t know the whole story, and also when it involves a kid having a kid. Nobody has a baby at 12 because life is awesome.
your right
I think the worst part is that she only told her mother after the DNA tests showed her brother. She knew that her mother would back her brother up, which is why she waited for the test results. It’s sad that a child knows her mother is more likely to trust a piece of paper than her own daughter. Turns out she was correct, but even with the test results her mother still insisted she was lying. I hate it when teens who act misunderstood are vindicated, they should be only paranoid, THINK their mother hates them. It’s so much worse when it’s true.
P.S. she allowed herself to be represented as a slut in the media because she knew her mother would abandon her if she told the truth. The article literally states that she went along with the slut-title to hold her family together, until she was in foster care and it didn’t matter anymore. I also don’t think the child should be expected to gracefully move on from her daughter’s life…she has never experienced unconditional love and that’s what her baby represents, and she has a right to clutch at it like someone drowning. It shows that despite it all, she is not an emotionaless reptile (yet) which is amazing. However, although her desire to mother is completely rational and even encouraging given what it showed about her (no Reactive Attachment Disorder for a start) I do agree that under no circumstances should she be allowed to parent the baby. The love fantasy she has should not be crushed but neither will it become reality. She needs loads and loads of tax-payer funded counseling to let go of the fantasy, without losing her empathy.
Blurry, I agree with you, heartbreaking.
I guess the question in my mind is…Which is better for the child. Finding out all of this when she turns 18 or slowly adding bits of information as she matures.
I am a firm believer in not lying to children to protect them from life. I believe that life, good and bad, can be taught to them with open communication so that they are no “huge” shocks later.
I haven’t really made up my mind on this one. Part of me thinks it best for the baby not to be around the birth mother, but after reading the article and what she has to say….I don’t know. I do understand why she did what she did and feel that she had no choice but to sign the adoption papers. I also don’t know the real level of her mind either. She sounds like she is getting her act together, but it also could be for show. I’m am glad I don’t have to make the decision in this one.
The following time I read a blog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as much as this one. I imply, I know it was my option to read, but I really thought youd have one thing interesting to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about one thing that you possibly can fix should you werent too busy in search of attention.