In 2006, Tressa Middleton of Scotland gave birth to a baby girl. She was twelve at the time. Now sixteen, Middleton has decided she wants to be part of the child’s life.
From Britain’s Daily Mail:
She [Middleton] was one of six children - by four different fathers - to her then 34-year-old mother, who said she was ‘proud’ of her daughter for keeping the baby.
On the bleak streets where Miss Middleton was raised, petty crime is rife and drink and drugs are ever present. Boarded-up windows abound and gardens are strewn with bed frames, discarded mattresses and other rubbish.
Despite barely being out of primary school, Miss Middleton smoked up to 20 cigarettes a day, used cannabis and downed cocktails of Buckfast tonic wine and vodka.
There is no question that Middleton’s upbringing played a role in her decisions regarding alcohol use and sexual activity at such a young age, but yet it’s still quite horrible to think about children playing amidst broken mattresses and beer bottles. It sickens me, as does the constant presence of drugs and alcohol that were made a regular part of her life before she ever used them.
That said, though, there are tens of thousands who grow up in these types of situations. Some go the route of casual sex, addiction, prostitution, gang involvement, and violence. However, many do not. Regular exposure to the ugliest parts of life can motivate children to focus on working hard and getting a solid education that will allow them to move on to a better place for their own adult lives.
Uh … Tressa Middleton, not so much.
She told the Scottish Sun: ‘I’m not a big drinker now and I don’t smoke hash any more. In the past I’ve cut myself but I don’t do that anymore. I’m going to give myself a couple of years to get my life sorted, then I’m going to fight for access to my little girl.
That’s great, Tressa. Just superb. You don’t smoke hash anymore, you drink Alcopop instead of Buckfast, and you’re trying your darndest to get pregnant at sixteen by your 24-year-old boyfriend. Oh, and you have names all picked out for your future baby, which you hope will be a boy. Fan-fucking-tastic.
So her baby daughter, who was adopted eighteen months ago, is now a focus for Middleton, who clearly has babies on the brain. The adoptive parents send an update to Middleton every six months but have made it clear that they don’t want her to have any further contact with the little girl. Naturally, Middleton had a problem with that:
‘After I’d signed the adoption papers, I went to court to fight for twice-a-year contact. I’d even tried to make a deal that if I signed the papers I would get to see her once a year, but the adoptive parents didn’t want that. They don’t want me to see her. They want to get on with their lives. It makes me hate them.
So let me get this straight. She abused drugs and self-mutilated while in foster care with her baby. She was clearly not able to care for the child herself, and she agreed to sign adoption papers at the recommendation of a child psychiatrist. Now that her daughter is happy and healthy with her adoptive family, she wants to disrupt the poor kid’s life now that she’s sort-of-kind-of got her shit together a little bit? Maybe?
I’ve written before about my own experiences as a teenage mother. There were some key differences—the five years between 12 and 17, for one thing, and the very lucky and fortunate fact that my family was able to provide me with both emotional and financial support—so obviously, this story really resonates with me on a personal level.
I made the decision to keep my baby when I was seventeen, and it was the right decision for me. I also recognize that both adoption and abortion are other valid considerations. When dealing with something as fragile as the life of a child, you must do what is best for that child. You have to take yourself out of the equation to a degree. As Middleton has freely admitted that adoption was the best choice for her child, she should now cherish the updates she receives every six months and hope that, when the little girl comes of age, they will be able to form a relationship. Anything else is unspeakably selfish.
Your thoughts?
It’s sad that she had a baby so young. As a matter of fact, it seems criminal. I am uncomfortable with people who give children up for adoption and then years later thing they’re entitled to be a part of that child’s life. It’s selfish to assume the child wants to see the biological parents and it’s certainly selfish to uproot another family’s life because you had your come to Jesus moment and suddenly feel like being a parent. What if she suddenly doesn’t want to be a parent again?
I realize she’s not asking for a lot, just the chance to see her kid, but why do I feel that it won’t stop there? That once a year will become twice a year and the twice a year plus birthdays?
I know I’m going to get shit for this but I think it’s wrong that we treat babies as some god-given right and that there are virtually no checks and balances on procreation. This girl is 16, she had a baby at 12, why is she even getting press and attention for any of this? What is she after, a slot in TLC’s baby factory/obesity/little people line up?
So she hates the family that is making decisions that are in the best interest of the baby?
What a horrible, selfish little bitch she is.
I’m willing to bet that under the same circumstances, you would feel the exact same way…
You are completely wrong.
I’ve given a baby up for adoption. I did it for the baby and I wanted her to live a normal, happy life without confusing interference from me.
I didn’t think I was doing the adoptive couple “a favor” as she did.
While I was not ignorant to the happiness I was bringing the couple, I felt that they were doing me the favor of proving my daughter with the life I couldn’t.
Once they adopted her, they became her parents. I would no more interfere with their parental decisions (including the decision to exclude me) than I would any couple with their own biological child.
But do you think at 12 years old the girl wasn’t pressured into it? Imagine if you really had no say in the situation, as if they just ripped the child from your uterus, dont you think you would want closure, or to even just see what you did was right?
Its awesome that you felt so right about giving up your child for adoption, it takes amazing strength and courage. I dont feel like Tressa was able to feel that or even be able to really decide.
I dont think she should have any power over the adoption now, the adoptive parents are clearly the parents, I just dont see how they dont feel she deserves closure as well.
I don’t think she wants closure, though.
I think she believes that since she squeezed the baby out of her druggie 12-year-old vagina, she should still have rights to it. That somehow her presence in the child’s life won’t just muck everything up most thoroughly.
The article says the baby was adopted 18 months ago. That means she had the child for at least 18 months. It’s not like the swooped in and took the child from her arms the minute she gave birth. The article even said that she’d lived in foster care with the child.
She wants babies because babies = love but then babies also = hard work and she doesn’t want that. So she gives up her child for adoption, lets the adoptive family do all the the day-to-day raising, and wants to swoop in like a cool big sister or aunt a few times a year while she’s in the process of making another baby despite her situation not improving any. And we’re supposed to think that’s okay?
She’s 16, of course she wants a pretty little doll. She’s already forgotten how hard it is to be a parent (if she even ever really was, beyond birthing). I can see how be around a happy little baby, your happy little baby, would make you want to have them; she lacks, in her 16 years, the ability to objectively look at this situation and do what’s best for her child and not herself.
She should be able to see the child IF she is able to keep her life together, if the visits are in any way damaging to the child then the child’s rights should be put first. She doesn’t get to choose based on what she feels like doing, and she either needs to be there for the child or not at all, there’s no halfway. Same for the adoptive parents, they shouldn’t be making this decision either, it should really be decided on by child services or some other third party who will act 100% in the child’s best interest.
Okay I think people are being a bit unfair to this girl. Objectively- we don’t know anything about her other than what a sensational press wants us to. First of all it isn’t so horrible that she wants to see her child once a year. Why are we jumping to the conclusion that this will turn into something else?
She says she wants to be a mom, and the Sun claims in its title that she is trying for a baby right now- but then in her quotes she doesn’t explicitly say that. Even if she was, who is to say that she would be a terrible parent now? She obviously had to grow up fast- and I don’t just mean in having experience with drugs and alcohol. While carrying and birthing a child do not make you suddenly mature, it must have had some impact on her- and that experience has had three years to matriculate through her brain. From an evolutionary standpoint- our ability to mature physically and mentally is heavily influenced by our and our parents’ environment. A few hundred years back when conditions were harder, having a baby at 16 was absolutely normal. Go back further (i.e. Roman Empire) and you know that most women were married off as soon as they had their first period- around 12- to men ages 16-24. And they weren’t just expected to breed, they were expected to take on responsibility.
I know I am totally just playing devil’s advocate and there is a huge chance that this girl would be a horrible mother, but I just thought I would throw that out there.
On a side note- her boyfriend is totally creepy and weird looking. *shivers* New perspective: They should not be procreating for aesthetic reasons.
I may get blasted for this, but the child was adopted, it’s no longer her child. She may have birthed it, and hey she may even love it, but the adopted parents are the only parents who count and have all the rights to this child.
That’s how it’s supposed to work. I mean, that’s pretty much the whole point, right?
The adoptive parents just want to get on with their lives, but what about her ability to get on with her life? If anything they should be grateful to her for giving her the child they love so much. Once a year is not that much, and maybe it will allow Tressa closure so she can know the decision she made was right and let her get on with things…
She’s the one that said that the adoptive parents just want to get on with their lives. They didn’t say that.
And honestly, shouldn’t be about Tressa’s “closure.”
It’s about what’s best for the baby. And stability is best.
The fact that Tressa did not once mention the needs of her daughter makes me think she’s a selfish little girl.
Who would want their daughter to have once a year visits with a selfish little girl? I’d be afraid that she’d try to run off with the kid, or at the least, make a scene every time.
Nobody would choose that for their child. And she is their child now.
Your right,she needs to think about whats best for the child and shut the fuck up.
She was a child when she had this baby and she’s a child now. I don’t think judging her is acceptable. If we should be judging anyone, let’s judge HER parents.
She can’t have it both ways. She can’t expect to be treated like an adult and demand adult rights and insert herself into her child’s life after giving her up and yet expect to dodge judgment for her ongoing irresponsible behaviors.
If you want her to be treated like a kid and free of judgment then don’t give her the adult license to go after visitation. If she wants adult privileges, then she deserves to be judged as an adult.
Her parents were shite, yes, but this isn’t about them. It’s about her, her decisions, and her selfishness.
You can’t possibly think far enough into the future at 12 to understand that you will want to see that child again. You will want to know what they look like, what they like to do, and how they are doing. Preteens can’t give informed consent.
Was there any other alternative, though? She couldn’t have kept the baby, child services would have taken it in seconds. Her situation is really unfortunate, but I don’t think it has improved much.
You’d know you want to see your kid grow up whatever age you are wouldn’t you? Unless you don’t but change your mind later. I was always thinking about the future when I was 12.
Idiot, clearly product of an idiot family. More breeders needed, pls! Id shoot her without hesitation.
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I definitely don’t think that this is too much to ask after having a baby
I am so ashamed of my own country…
sorry 4 the small gal // she never wanted pregnacy she just wanted sex .. but the results were – sorry but i bet she got wat she was looking 4 saviolah barka
if you think thats what she wanted you are sicker than any one i know
she did,nt give her up off her own back ,social worker forced her into is,she is still a junkie ,she was moved away from it all but it was her choice to move back to her home town .but not one person has thought about the child in all this mess,