An Ohio first grader is facing disciplinary action after peeing on a female classmate in the school lunchroom.
“[My daughter] told me that some boys had exposed themselves at school. Other children had witnessed what happened and one of the boys had urinated on her pants,” said the mother.
The little girl said, “We sat down. He said, ‘I got to use the bathroom’ and he peed on my knee.”
Okay, so let me get this straight. This little girl had been exposed to male genitalia by her classmates … but what really got the school’s attention was when one of them whipped it out and took a piss on her? I have two daughters, and I have to tell you, I’d be angry and upset if some kid took a leak on them—but I’d be bullshit over a boy exposing himself (and yes, I realize you sort of have to expose yourself in order to pee if you’re male, but you know what I mean). To me, the exposure is a far bigger deal than the peeing.
Principal Terry Lipford said, “We’re not denying that happened. Unfortunately, situations like that happen, we take it very seriously.”
Lipford said he met with the girl’s mother to discuss the incident the following day. He also spoke with the little girl and made sure she talked with a guidance counselor. Lipford says the school does not tolerate “bullying” and is looking into whether the alleged harassment is an on-going issue.
The girl’s mother says her 7-year-old daughter has endured bullying by several classmates throughout the school year. “For the past six months, one of the little boys for sure has been bullying her, pulling on her hair.”
Despite several meetings and conversations with the teacher, the mother says the harassment has continued.
“We are going to investigate her concerns. If there was bullying concerned, we will deal with that,” said Lipford.
I’m probably going to take some heat for this, but the concept of “bullying” in terms of schools has become out of control. Yes, it happens. Yes, it’s horrible. No, this girl should never have been doused with bodily fluids. However, using the recent buzzword “bullying” attracts media attention, sets up lawsuit opportunities, and in general creates bedlam–and kids (and their parents) KNOW this.
Hear me out. I’ve worked in the education field for ten years. I have seen horrible examples of bullying, but the ones that were truly appalling (and had a clear victim) were few and far between. Generally, it goes something like this:
Scene 1
SUSY: Oh my God, Jane, Jeff is so cute! I really like him.
JANE: Want me to talk to his best friend for you?
SUSY: Okay. But say you heard that I might sort of like him from Alison.
Scene 2
JANE: So, Jeff, I heard from Alison that Susy might like you.
JEFF: Really?
JANE: Yeah. What do you think?
JEFF: Susy’s kind of cute. Maybe I’ll ask her to the dance.
Scene 3
ALISON: That bitch Susy stole my boyfriend!
CARRIE: Oh my God, yeah, she and Jeff are dating. She knew you liked him. What a bitch!
ALISON: Yeah, and I heard from Amanda that Paula told him that I said she liked him.
CARRIE: Paula? I heard it was Jessica.
Scene 4
MR. SMITH: Let’s open our chemistry books to page seven, please.
CARRIE: (in a whisper to Paula) You lying bitch.
Scene 5
PAULA: Carrie called me a lying bitch in chemistry class today.
FRED: Are you kidding me?
PAULA: No, and I have no idea why!
Scene 6
Fred and Jeff get in a fight. Both are suspended for five days.
Scene 7
FRED’S LITTLE SISTER: (to Jessica’s little sister) You’re a whore, just like your sister.
Scene 8
Carrie’s little brother goes to the principal and reports Fred’s little sister for bullying Jessica’s little sister. The principal tries mightily to untangle the web. The school divides over the issue. Names are written on bathroom stalls. It’s a chaotic mess.
Confused? Yeah, so am I a little bit … but this is in general what happens when so-called bullying takes place. There is usually more to the story, fault (and “bullying”) from numerous parties, a root cause that is almost always kind of petty when you get right down to it, and a truth that is all but impossible to discover.
“We are going to investigate her concerns. If there was bullying concerned, we will deal with that,” said Lipford.
I’m not saying this little first grade girl deserved to be peed on. I am saying, though, that publicizing yet another example of “bullying” without explicit knowledge of all the facts is only perpetuating what is already a huge problem—not bullying itself, which does exist in a variety of manifestations, but the attention it receives and the trouble stirred up.
Your thoughts? (I’m ducking)
The root cause, whether or not it was bullying, was the little girl really being tormented or was it something else? Impossible to tell from an article. Probably impossible to tell if you were on the scene when it all went down. This type of thing is always complex. I just wonder what they will do to the little boy. My guess is they will try to charge him with a sex crime, but then settle for a few years of hard-core “gender education” and placing him on the sex offender list.
I agree that there is way too much media attention in this particular instance. Yes, bullying sucks, and yes, that boy should not have peed on that little girl, but I remember stuff like this happening all the time when I was in first grade (and I DEFINITELY got my hair pulled all the time, which is the other thing the mother was complaining about), and we certainly didn’t have Fox8 coming to investigate. I’m not saying that this behavior is okay, just that it’s not news, and no one is benefitting from the media attention. Also, Katie, that whole set of scenes that you set up demonstrating bullying situation was not only confusing but also completely unnecessary and kind of dumb. The rest of the article is great, though.
demonstrating *a* bullying situation. I hate it when I try to criticize someone else’s writing style and my own writing style FAILS. =)
Seriously? The scene made perfect sense to me. I absolutely recall that sort of thing. And the junior high ‘dating’ that never involved fewer than three intermediaries. I thought it was much like what I observed (and now observe – except that now all the communication would be by text message, and a few facebook posts), and a good example of the complexity that’s often behind seemingly isolated ‘bullying’ incidents.
“Seriously? The scene made perfect sense to me. I absolutely recall that sort of thing. ”
For Junior high. This particular case happened in a FIRST GRADE class, though, with kids who are NOWHERE near that duplicitous. So I admit that while I did follow the plot, I’m not sure what Junior High backstabby has to do with a case of First Grade mean-being.
Oh there was a lot of behind-the-backs in elementary. Not quite so sophisticated, and a lot more ‘nathan-germs’ and ‘carrie said ‘poop”, but it wasn’t only in later years.
I don’t think the specific example matters. I think the point of ‘there’s often more to it’ is valid. If the example was more protracted than necessary, whatever.
I remember in first grade we went on a field trip to the zoo, well I was great friends with these two boys so hung out with them and all three of us sat in the same seat on the bus ride back to school. But two girls were behind us and one of them was the “girlfriend” of my buddy, and I guess they didn’t know I was the in the seat right ahead of them because she started bitching and moaning about me and my man stealing ways and as all three of us jerked around to confront them, drama unfolded much like stupid petty drama Katie wrote of. My point is stupid petty drama happens at all ages, if you don’t believe me I’ll recount the scene where at three some bitch tried to take my plastic hamburger!
What?! You’d be more upset about your daughter viewing a human body than somebody pissing on her?
That makes no sense at all.
I’d have to agree with you there. I mean, I personally think that as a society we’re too afraid of nudity (and unable to separate the naked body from sex), but SEEING a penis is passive, but being PEED on is aggressive.
But the most important part is, these kids are FIVE. The best thing to do is sit this boy down and tell him that people don’t like it when you pull out your willy and pee on them.
Took the words out of my mouth.
Why not focus on getting that little boy some help? It isn’t normal to pee on your classmates. Little boys pee on a lot of things thinking it’s funny. Heck, my sister had a student catch the bathroom on fire by peeing on an electrical socket.
Golden showers, though…that’s just not normal. Instead of vilifying the boy, find out why the hell he did it in the first place. Maybe he’s got an older brother and overheard him talking about something he shouldn’t have? Maybe he was abused?
That’s a totally valid question; by first grade a kid absolutely knows it’s not ok to pee on people (or expose yourself, for that matter), so there is clearly an issue here with the boy.
Why do you think the exposure is a bigger deal than the peeing? I’m genuinely curious. Little boys do sometimes go through phases of flashing or waggling it around in public as a form of misbehaviour, exploring their power to shock or embarrass people. It’s mischievous childhood behaviour: inappropriate, yes, but hardly as degrading as deliberately urinating on someone! They’re only seven-year-olds, do you really feel there’s an element of sexual threat? The more pertinent lesson for him is to respect others’ persons and be aware of the unsanitary aspects of bodily fluids.
I think there is a world of difference between peeing and exposing yourself. To put it in first grade terms, peeing is something kids understand. It’s disgusting and deplorable, yes, and I’d certainly be pissed off (pun not intended until I realized I wrote it … now I’m going to leave it ;-)), but it is a bodily function children all children do.
Exposing yourself, on the other hand, is not. If my six-year-old came home and said, “Jimmy showed me his penis on the playground”, I would have no recourse. I mean, I could call the school and tell them, but they could ask Jimmy and he could very easily lie about it. There would be no way to prove it one way or the other. With the peeing thing, there was no question as to whether or not the kid did it–the proof was right there on her pants.
Even more, though, I would hate for my child (I’m referring to my younger daughter because I don’t want to think of my fifteen-year-old in terms of penises) to get the message that there is something wrong with any part of the human body. For a kid to take that mindset away from her by whipping it out just to make her upset would make me absolutely livid.
You can say, “Peeing on someone is wrong”, but saying, “Looking at a body part is wrong” is a bit more complex when you have no control over what is taught at the homes of other children and sends a message that I don’t want my child to receive.
Does that make any sense?
Honestly? Not really. Do you mean the provability is the issue?
In such a situation, I would sit down and have a talk with my kid about how bodies are great and all, but it’s appropriate to keep some parts of them to ourselves, and that’s why the other kid made a mistake. Maybe he didn’t realize it wasn’t very nice, and we hope that he grows up.
I would expect a parent who got a call saying ‘your child exposed himself to my child’ to sit down and find out what happened, and why. If a kid denies, then i would have a talk about where it is appropriate for bodies to be clothed and unclothed, and hope the kid takes something out of it even if he’s denying the case at hand.
Also, perhaps the issue is intent. You seem to be writing as though the exposure would have been a kid whipping it out *purposely* to shock another child. If that’s the case, maybe it’s more of an issue, though I think that would still be teachable on the lines of ‘isn’t it silly that he thinks the natural human body is so shocking?’. I think a lot of others are speaking of a less aggressive exposure. More on the ‘whoa, we have different parts!’ line. Would a kid exposing himself to your daughter in innocence be as concerning to you?
I can see how that makes sense. I agree; there is a dilemma between in saying that seeing a body part is wrong. Certainly, exposing oneself is inappropriate, but the peeing is far more aggressive and is never appropriate.
I’m not sure I disagree with not dubbing it “bullying”, especially if the little girl didn’t want for this to be happening. I think that if we try to define which kind of behavior is and is not bullying, we could shoot ourselves in the foot:
“Mommy, they’re bullying me!”
“What are they doing?”
“They’re psyching me out by acting like they’re going to throw garbage at me!”
“….Hmm. Sorry, sweetie, but the school says it’s not bullying until they really DO throw something at you. There’s nothing we can do.”
However — I do agree that the media getting into this can cause these kinds of situations to spiral out of control. NOt sure what’s to be done about that, however.
Anybody else reminded of Dave Chapelles’ “Piss on You”
I don’t know of a single person who has worked with little kids who didn’t get at least one weenie wagger per year.
It just is NOT sexual to these kids – please don’t turn it into something it’s not.
Kids are all about this stuff – they think it’s hilarious, although it seems it is more a boy thing.
The perpetrators probably didn’t mean anything sexual by it, but if you’re the target, there is still something that feels hinky about it, you know? Don’t forget, this is probably the age that kids are first really starting to learn “where babies come from.”
Which is a double-edged sword, because that just gives the perpetrators all the more reason for a “weenie-wag” because it makes the “ooooooh, I’m showing off my weenie!” all the more scandalous and daring — but it also makes the victim feel just a little bit more hinky about it.
….At least, it felt hinky to me when a couple girls pulled this on me in second grade (they got me blushing by asking if I knew where my vagina was, and they thought it was so funny that i blushed that one of them poked me in the crotch and said “it’s right here!” and they all ran away giggling). They didn’t mean anything sexual by it, but that doesn’t mean it still didn’t FEEL hella creepy to me.
Why let kids mingle at school at all? Why not just keep them as far away from other kids as possible so that there is no learning about differences, learning about protecting yourself, learning about anything. Just keep them at home, teach them what you think is the most important information, prevent them from learning all the important social survival lessons we had to learn at school, and then wonder why they are living in your house at the age of 35 with no job prospects and no ability to find any job prospects.
I think turning everything into a bullying issue is extreme and it teaches kids that the louder they squawk about things, the more attention they’ll get and the more likely they are to get a peer into trouble. It’s giving an unbalanced power to a situation that normally would work itself out.
This wasn’t sexual. It was gross, but it’s not worth branding a first grader a sexual offender because he wee’d on someone. This reminds me of the kid who got into all sorts of trouble because he kissed a classmate. It’s absurd.
Haha when I was in kindergarten a little boy who liked to play house with me and my friends exposed himself to me and said something sexual (according to my family he said something about licking it) but I honestly can’t remember hearing him say it or remember what it looked like, I just remember it happening. It wasn’t a huge deal to me, but I told my Mom and she wrote a note to my teacher who talked to the little boy’s parents. No one really made a fuss. The boy got a talking to, and he never did it again. I remember still playing with him and his friends. It definitely wasn’t a scarring situation or anything. Little kids like to imitate and that includes their parents or something they have seen on tv- sex included, not that it is or isn’t necessarily sexual to them. Honestly I have far more vivid memories of the teacher turning off the lights and reading “The ankle grabber” to us- I didn’t let my feet hang off my bed for years.
Great post and comments. Loved ” Your thoughts? (I’m ducking)” from Katie.
I agree with most of these posts, making such a huge deal out of typical kid behavior. On a similar but different note…
A friend of mine has a son that sort of adopted me as a second Mom. He was molested when he was 6 by a 12 year old boy. (happened 6 years ago) This 12 year old is still in some sort of half way center and in my opinion is pretty much done for life. He molested his own sister and various first graders.
The six year old’s Mom went over the top. Finally 4 years after the molestation she finally figured out that she made the event even more traumatic for her son by her behavior.
It wasn’t the act of the molestation that lingered with the 6 year old, it was the threat of “Don’t tell anyone or I will kill your family and dog” that made a lasting impression.
Parents need to be very careful when “trying” to protect their kids, such as the examples that Kai brought up.
God, I’m done and cooked today. What Jeneria was bringing up, not Kai.
The pee is gross, but in third grade we had one of those lines of swings where they’re all pretty close together and we used to build up momentum then start trying to spit right in front of the other people so they had no choice but to swing into it, and though I will say it did take skill to get it just right so it wouldn’t fall before hitting them and they wouldn’t have time to dodge when I look back at what was ridiculously fun at the time, it’s absolutely disgusting. Maybe this boy simply thought pee was his version of fun.
Got some more?
Pingback: Rod Blagojevich, King Of Political Corruption, Claims Barack Obama a Hen-Pecked Husband - Zelda Lily: Feminism in a Bra
Pingback: Murdered New Hampshire Mother: Victim, Scumbag, or Both? – Zelda Lily, Feminism in a Bra