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If you are, it’s OK. Apparently more people are than aren’t these days.
A recent poll conducted in the UK states that sixty percent of individuals surveyed (3,000 was this experiment’s magic number) on a relationship happiness scale were considered bored and unhappy with their union and most claim that things greatly went downhill from when they first met up with their partner. The survey compiled a Top Ten list explaining why the subjects were so damned unhappy:
10. No honesty.
I can say that’s a pretty big one. I’d be unhappy if I were in a dishonest relationship, too, but I think that one’s an easy fixer, as far as I’m concerned. If someone isn’t exactly forthcoming with me in my marriage (and it isn’t me), I find that I magically have no room for that individual in my life.
9. No longer fancy one another.
This subject’s a tough one to broach, because really, for any two people who have been in a relationship for an extended period of time, it’s common knowledge that the initial hot, smoldering fire does recede — even if it’s just a bit. However, I don’t think this should be a source of discontent, especially if the couple truly does love one another, am I right?
8. Lack of affection.
Being completely honest (and, uh, sorry, honey!), I can definitely see a problem with this one, at least in my own relationship. I know it sounds like I’m airing dirty laundry or outing my husband on something, but hey … he knows that I have no secrets when it comes to, well, practically anything, anyway. I consider myself a pretty affectionate person and my husband just is not. That’s not to say that I don’t get hugs or kisses or lovin’, but it’s a bit different on his end than it is on mine. While I understand it’s not a massive catalyst of an underlying problem, it’s a point of contention for me, at least.
7. Don’t trust each other.
I guess this goes along with number 10 and that whole “honesty” thing. If there’s no honesty, there’s no trust and vice versa. Again, I couldn’t continually cultivate a meaningful relationship with someone that I don’t trust, and frankly, I pity people who feel that they’re forced to for one reason or another.
6. Don’t want the same things for their futures.
This is totally understandable, but really, avoidable, isn’t it? At least when it comes to marriage, most people don’t get married unless they’re secure in their collective futures together. It’s a bit different when you’re in a committed relationship when both parties are pulling back and forth on the figurative rope, deciding what their joint ventures will include down the road.
5. Lack of time to talk.
I call crap on this one. It’s understandable that busy people generally have busy lives, but how could a lack of fundamental communication, like the mere action of talking, be a deal-breaker? It’s not like you’re not communicating, you’re just busy. Don’t buy it. If you’re in a relationship that’s worth the effort, you make the effort to connect in whatever way is necessary.
4. No time to give each other attention.
And again, this one goes with the aforementioned point of number 5.
3. Terrible sex life.
This, really, could go either way. I’ve met couples who thrive on their sex lives and sometimes feel it’s the only thing keeping them together (whether I agree with that or not is a horse of an entirely different color) and I’ve also met the happiest couples you could meet that claim their sex lives are just “meh.” I feel that a lot of people put too much stock into what their partner can physically do for them to the point where they severely overlook what’s already being done emotionally or mentally.
2. Lack of romance.
Though sex and romance are sometimes interchangeable, they’re sometimes not, too, you know. And the whole “affection” thing can easily tie into this statistic, too. While I do wish my husband were more romantic at times, I have to sit back and take it with a grain of salt; the things that we are able to do together as a couple (which isn’t a whole lot; we have a two and-a-half year-old — enough said!) make the interim manageable, and while I sometimes peg him as “not as affectionate” as I’d like, I thank my blessings for what I do have in my marriage simultaneously while not sacrificing what I know to be a necessity.
1. Lack of spontaneity.
Coming from someone who’s as spontaneous as a plastic garden gnome (well, when it comes to certain things; I’m always willing to up and travel and spend money I don’t have, and that’s about as spontaneous as I get these days), this would not be an issue for me.
So. What do you guys think? Other than the completely valid points of trust and honesty, do you think that a lot of these are acceptable things to complain about in a relationship? What do you most take issue with in your own relationships and marriages? Do you think that the individuals surveyed in this poll are mature enough to understand what real companionship is, at least based on some of the results or do you think, for the most part, that a lot of people take for granted what they do have?
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I think sense of humor is very important,the only two relationships I wish I still had were from women who really could make me laugh. I also think sex and romance have a lot to do with spontaneity.
My husband says one of the reasons he fell in love with me is that I can laugh before, during or after sex.
And no, not for the reasons you’re thinking!!!
Sex laughter can be a very good thing (or a very bad thing)!
Laughter is great – as long it isn’t a case of “laugh and point”.
All of the reasons seem like valid reasons for the end of a relationship. As much as I think the “no time” ones are a fairly easy fix, feeling pushed aside can make anyone really unhappy. There are times when I get frustrated simply because I haven’t gotten to be alone with my boyfriend for a few minutes, and I’m sure I would be miserable if the situation continued for months. I think the biggest problem is that people let life get in the way of their relationship and forget that sometimes other things need to get pushed aside instead.
[...] Are You Unhappy In Your Relationship? – Zelda Lily [...]
Ugh I don’t know, for me this just sounds like “Lack of effort”.
I can understand the time thing, as my boyfriend works the nightshift and I do day shift, but even we get to see each other for a couple of hours every other day (we do not live together). And we also call each other every day. No matter how busy I or he am, there is always room for a wee talk and if it’s just when you are commuting from one place to another.
I probably could have come to these 10 points without a survey, and a small one at that, 3000 people to represent every coupled person is a teeny percentage. However, the overlying message that I got from this is: effort from both parties (of an equal-ish amount) and communication.
My wife once told me that our sex life wasn’t “spontaneous” enough. Yet everytime I try to be “spontaneous” she’s not in the mood.
My main problem at the moment is my boyfriend of (almost!) a year has been spending about 40 hours at work, and then wants to hang out with the boys or be alone when he is home. I’ve convinced him to have two days off next week and we’ll hopefully have a good anniversary and smooth all the bumps. I understand that my 30 hours at school, 12 hours at work and 9 hours on a bus a week is hectic, but at least I have time for little texts and snuggles.
Ok. I can yes to all of these but with conditions. I am in this relationship. The sex is gone, real communication is gone, attraction is gone. It begs the question why stay and we aren’t even married. I think that when you’ve been with someone a very long time you do risk boredom but if you genuinely like each other you don’t have to stress over all of the things that may be lacking. Relationships are cyclical anyway. They ebb and flow. Acceptance and patience and yes humor above all are key. Oh and I can’t even imagine myself with anyone else. I love him.