While sibling molestation is an often under-discussed topic in today’s society, it didn’t deter Precious star, Mo’Nique, from admitting to being a victim when she was a young child.
Mo’Nique spoke with Essence magazine almost two years ago and raised allegations against her own brother for incestuous behaviors when the two were seven and thirteen, respectively.
Initially, Mo’Nique stated that although she had voiced her concerns to her parents about the abuse, no one believed her enough to do anything:
“I was molested by my older brother. And even when I confronted him and told my parents, he said I was lying, and nothing was really done … I’m not blaming my parents because me and my brother were both their children, and I just don’t know the kind of position they felt they were in. My father was very upset, but it never got mentioned again. I’ll never forget my mother saying, ‘If it’s true, it will surface again,’ and I remember thinking, Why would I lie? Why is there even an if in this?”
While her parents didn’t initially believe her or agree that there were bad circumstances afoot, it didn’t stop her brother from coming forward — years and years later — on Oprah to admit and apologize for his behavior.
Mo’Nique’s brother, Gerald Imes, was a guest on Oprah’s talk show today and discussed the allegations pending against him for many years. He blames the molestation incidents on the fact that he, himself, was molested and had been under the influence of some pretty hard drugs at a very young age. Imes spoke exclusively to Oprah and stated:
“I started using cocaine, heroine, alcohol at the age of 11. I used these drugs to hide my own pain, to hide my own fears. The drugs allowed me and afforded me the opportunity to hurt my sister.”
Imes is now asking for Mo’Nique’s forgiveness and claims that he wants to repair the myriad years of estrangement and bad feelings by starting fresh with a clean familial slate.
Do you think it’s possible to start over after a close family member has hurt you in such a deep way? Is it ever possible to completely forgive a person in this capacity for completely obliterating your child-like innocence? Even if you found you were able to forgive, would you want this person as a close part of your life in the thereafter?
Thoughts?
I think it would be very, very difficult to forgive someone who did something like that to me. Or, I may forgive them, but not necessarily ever want to see them again. That’s just me, though…
I don’t think I could ever open up a relationship with someone who sexually abused me, family or not. Yes, I do feel somewhat bad for him, especially if his claims that he was molested and was into some heavy drugs are true. However, after you do that to someone, I’d think you would just have to accept that you will never have any sort of relationship with them again, no matter how sorry you are.
Although I do admire him for voluntarily admitting it, on national tv no less. I think it shows a genuine regret, instead of those stamped-out “I’m sorry I fucked all those big-titties hookers, I can haz my career back now?” apologies.
I sort of think it’s less admirable that it was done on TV.
An apology should really be about the victim, and she’s not even there. She may be watching at home, but is that really the way you want to receive an apology from the person who abused you?
Apologising on TV makes it all about him. He is trying to make himself feel better, not the person he hurt (that is if he is being genuine, otherwise he’s likely trying to gain some relevancy in the media…I am more likely to believe the later. I mean, how often do people genuinely use television as a means of righting their wrongs and dealing with their past? Who sites their appearance on a television show as the moment they turned it all around?)
Hmmm good point, I hadn’t considered that.
It means something to me that he came forward voluntarily, but I too question the sincerity of anything done before an audience. If someone owed me a major apology, and they did it on TV instead of to my face, I’m not sure I would consider it meaningful.
Then again, if they have no relationship whatsoever, publicly may be the only way for him to get a message to her. Though I’d still favour a letter.
I’m not saying this is in his favor, but it does take some guts to admit to doing something so horrible in a public way like that…that being said I haven’t actually seen the interview, so I can’t really comment on it beyond that.
He and Oprah should both be ashamed of themselves,that whore loves her some sensationalism.
“Imes is now asking for Mo’Nique’s forgiveness and claims that he wants to repair the myriad years of estrangement and bad feelings by starting fresh with a clean familial slate.”
Wait a minute here… he wants to take the initiative and repair the damage to the relationship by having her forgive him for the hurt and the secrecy and starting with a clean slate? Wow, that’s certainly noble of him!
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I have a really hard time admiring people who admit to doing something and give excuses for it at the same time.
I think it’s terrible what was done to him, and I understand his need to maybe talk about it to get past it, but it doesn’t absolve him of his own crimes or entitle him to forgiveness.
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For what it’s worth, I endured a similar situation of abuse by a family friend as a child. I was around 8 and he was 13ish. He was staying with us because his father had committed suicide a few years prior and his mother was a disaster (horrible, I know). I have 2 memories of it happening during the night while I slept.
He approached me on the street when I was 17 and said something along the lines of “I touched you inappropriately when you were a little girl and I am so so, sorry”. At the time, I couldn’t have run away fast enough, but as I matured and thought about the hand life dealt him and what kinda balls that must have taken, I eventually forgave him. I even spoke with him on the phone a few times in my late 20s! He wanted to know that my life had turned out okay. He is a good person.
Aaaanyway, my point is that I think this dude is doing a noble thing. It’s not gonna be perfect, but I think it’s a good and brave attempt.
Considering that about one-third of all women are sexually abused before 18, I’m much more concerned about the other approximately one billion assholes that DON’T admit to being abusers.
I believe that when you apologize for doing something wrong, especially something really wrong, it’s best to just say you understand that you hurt the person, perhaps very badly, you now see what you did was wrong and you are sorry. You do not attempt to explain or excuse yourself. If the person you hurt happens to ask you why you did it or how could you do such a thing, then there is the opportunity to attempt to explain. Otherwise, apologies should be about the person who was hurt, not about assuaging your guilty conscience or downplaying what you did.
Having watched the video, it doesn’t look like he’s attempting to blame the drugs or past abuse for what he did. He’s just trying to say that he was really messed up. I believe he’s sincere.
I can’t say how I would feel about getting an apology from someone who had molested me as a child, because I was fortunate enough to never be molested. I cannot imagine the complexity of the feelings I’d have about such a situation, but I believe that anything that helps the survivor is the best thing. And that might be different depending on the person.
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