Rielle Hunter spoke out earlier this week for the first televised interview since allegations of the John Edwards affair broke and she subsequently gave birth to the child that Edwards had vehemently denied parenting.
If you didn’t catch the interview, you can watch a great synopsis of the interview here at Jezebel, because the entire interview just isn’t worth watching. It’s just going to anger you over the entire situation. Or put you to sleep, one or the other.
However, a lot of women (like the ones on The View) are pitting the majority of the responsibility on Hunter, rather than Edwards, who was the married one. Jenny Sanford, another “cheated upon” wife of the politically-shunned Mark Sanford, was guest on the episode and put her two cents in on the interview with Oprah.
You know, while Hunter knowingly engaged in a relationship with a married man, I hardly think the entire thing (including the pregnancy, obviously) is her fault. It does take two to tango. What is the most maddening thing to me, in any case, is that the wife is usually angrier at the mistress than she is at her own philandering husband. Was there some sort of kinship that women are supposed to share — because they’re women — that should prevent women from engaging in a relationship with the husband of another woman? It’s a nice sentiment, but it’s completely wrong. Not everyone is Miss Rosy-Posy-I’d-Never-Steal-Your-Husband. You fell in love with him, what’s to say that other women won’t? It’s not realistic. While Elizabeth Edwards should blame her husband — and only her husband — it’s not for the world to decide who was ultimately at fault.
These two people, Edwards and Hunter, engaged in a relationship and behaviors that were not morally right based upon the marriage vows that Edwards had taken. I think what they did was completely wrong and reprehensible, because that’s my opinion, but I’m not going to apportion blame to a person (namely Hunter) who only listened to what her heart allegedly told her. Although she acted upon it and didn’t “do the right thing,” whatever the “right thing” is in each and every particular case, is aside from the matter at hand.
If you want to superfluously blame just one, it better be the husband who encouraged the unethical attention and fostered the feelings of another person to begin with — or you better be pitting the blame on both.
Just sayin’.
I think they’re both scum. I’m more angry about Edwards, especially with his “apology” where he felt that he had to point out that his cancer-stricken wife wasn’t undergoing treatment at the time of the affair (like that makes it better).
I also think Hunter is dumber than cow shit. It’s either that, or she wanted to get knocked up by a Presidential candidate.
I concur wholeheartedly.
I strongly believe that you can only cheat when you’re in a relationship. You can’t cheat with a married man unless you’re married too. He’s the one cheating.
So a cheated-upon woman should be angry at her guy for his infidelity – not anyone else involved.
That said, I have little sympathy for people who do knowingly get involved with a married person. They should be off-limits, and you should know that. ‘they’re going through a bad time and he’s getting a divorce’? Great – call me when the divorce is final. You mess around with someone already tied down, and then you get ditched by the wayside? Yes, you deserve it. What did you expect from a guy who would cheat on his wife?
(note that all gender pronouns here could be switched and the point stand.)
Cheating is cheating,whether you’ve signed that piece of paper or not. I don’t give much credence to a license created by a regional government,morals should mean more than that.
You’re right, I didn’t phrase that properly. I should have said that you can’t cheat unless you’re also in a committed relationship. I was using married because it was the example used, but I agree that if you’ve made any sort of commitment to a relationship, it’s cheating.
The point I meant to make is that single people can’t cheat. They can be immoral to get involved with someone who’s in a relationship, but they aren’t actually cheating. Only the committed person is cheating.
And I would give ‘in a committed relationship’ to include anyone past the point of an agreement on exclusive dating. If your girlfriend/husband can’t know, you probably shouldn’t be doing it.
Too true. If you’re hiding something, it’s cheating.
The most an unattached person can do is facilitate cheating. It’s puts you on shaky ground, morally speaking, but is not actually cheating.
I’m tired of the other woman (man) being the dumping ground for scorn. The person in the relationship is the one doing the most damage. They are the person who has agreed to love and cherish the person that they’re with. They’re the one who broke the agreement. An agreement they freely entered.
I think the only time a spouse shouldn’t be held accountable is in the case of a forced marriage. But we don’t get too many of those in the Western world, so it’s a moot issue.
I completely agree.
There have been more times than I can count where I have been hit on by married men, and it started when I was pretty young. It made me realize there will always been be men willing/trying to cheat on their wives, and I know there is no shortage of women for them to cheat with.
I have never had any sympathy whatsoever so either party. If you want to fuck around, don’t FUCKING get married. If you want a functional, valid, decent relationship, don’t get involved with a married man. Is that really so hard?
Jenny Sanford was asked to comment on Belen’s or Rielle’s actions and all she really said was that they were not naive 18 year olds and knew what they were doing. I don’t think in any way she was giving her ex-husband a pass or blaming Belen for her husbands indiscretion(s). What is boggling (to me) are the seemingly increasing number of woman who are willing to consider a married man as part of their dating pool, who will actively seek a married man out, or will readily accept their dishonest or creepy attentions. How infantile and self-absorbed. What happened to do unto others…? Too sensible or antiquated a notion, I guess….
yeah but ultimately you are not the mother of those adultering whores. the only person u can hold responsible for is the one who made the commitment to a life long marriage with you-your husbend. so yeah, it sucks that he cheated with this woman, and she should have said no, yet what loyalty should she have for the wife, its not her problem, not her marriage. they are both scum, but if my husbend cheated on me I would not blame or try to compare myself with the mistress, it wouldnt even be an issue (of course i am human and would wonder, but at the end it does me more harm than good)- i would blame and hold my husbend accountable because he is the one who is supposed to love me and not hurt me by cheating on me
Those two definitely deserve each other. He can go back to being a ambulance chaser,she’ll be a great pole dancer!
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Yeah, I’m with Kai on this one. If you’re in a committed relationship it’s YOUR job to maintain and uphold it, no one else’s. If you’re going to sleep with someone other than your partner, that’s YOUR responsibility, not that of the person you’re sleeping with.
I just got in a discussion with my mom about this a few days ago. About how women often seem more angry with the mistress than the husband. (And before I go on, yes I know that not all women do that, and yes I know that men are also prone to the same flaw. However we were discussing it in the context of a particular set of incidents) I really didn’t understand why that was. I’ve been cheated on before, and I didn’t get mad at the person my significant other cheated with, I got mad at them (and to be honest, I wasn’t all that mad that they had cheated. I was, however, furious that they lied to me about it).
It’s definitely not a classy move to knowingly get involved with a person who is in a committed relationship, but it’s also not your responsibility to maintain anyone’s relationship but your own.
What ever happened to respect and boundries? You find out a guy’s married and you back off-simple.