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Here they come, the latest breed to be imagined by fashion trend pieces: the retrosexuals. Androgynous hipsterism is supposedly on its way out; the “real” boys are back in town. And they dress like Don Draper.
Broadsheet’s Aaron Traister was taken aback by an article in his local paper called “Manning up” about the, uh, phenomenon. He was irritated, really:
… the retrosexual trend encourages men to worry about their appearance and spend copious amounts of money on products and clothes to mask more traditional masculine insecurities, like being gay, or a broke loser, or a gay broke loser.
Retrosexuals listen to jazz, wear genuine early-’60s garb, and get their haircut at actual-ass barbershops. Psshh, it is not just about mimicking a suave TV character. Traister says it’s reflective of something more profound – a confusion. He quotes:
“For thousands of years, being a man meant being honorable, having courage, having competence,” said Brett McKay, 27, a law school graduate turned blogger who writes “The Art of Manliness” from Tulsa, Okla. “Till the 1950s, manliness meant action and a force for good.”
Then, feminism disturbed that order. “We created this new world where men and women were equal,” McKay said. “A lot of men were confused. What was my role now?”
I think Gen X and Y have definitely struggled with what “masculinity” means for them. (A perusal of my hair and wardrobe from the past decade would show that I’ve struggled with what femininity means, too. Hint: It doesn’t have to have just one definition.)
Traister agrees that men “are at a crossroads”:
Do we have such a lack of imagination, are we so afraid of figuring out what it means to be a man in 2010, are we so uncomfortable in our own skin, and with our own sexuality, and the new sets of responsibilities we’ve been confronted with, that we have to pretend to be from a different, more magical time? Because that’s not actual[ly] being your own strong man. That’s not forging your own path. That’s just cosplay, and we all know what that looks like. It’s just creepy dress-up.
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I am surprisingly impressed by this article. I think he really approaches it well – that men need to work out a satisfactory identity in the modern world by striving themselves, and not by trying to emulate previous generations with their own faults, or by putting women down.
If men’s studies gets anywhere, this is the sort of thing I would see it based on.
I agree, with Kai, I think this has relevance. I think that while the roles of women have broadened immensely over the last 50-60 years, male identities have been thrown into limbo a little bit. While women really strongly redefined what they are able to do, men haven’t done much strengthening or reinforcement of their own identities. Maybe this is because it’s something that men have never had to do throughout history, but it is probably something that will have to happen eventually, especially with the increasing trend of men being frustrated that they usually aren’t viewed seriously as caretakers for their children.
I think it must be frustrating that women are now considered to be able to do anything a man can do, but men are still not believed capable of woman-y things. Or spoken poorly of for trying. There is definitely some work needed there.
Speaking of the heterosexual relationships in the past: With equality comes financial freedom or security FROM men. Women no longer have to use looks to attract a man, especially one who will take care of her financially. There is a good chance that she will be able to take care of herself well before she even considers marriage. And because of that, women can now delay marriage, too. Men, on the other hand, have to work at attracting women in more way than in mere money matters. It does not surprise me, then, that there has been a huge industry targeted at men that caters to their physical image “needs.”
Yeah, “equality” sucks. Because you know a man and a woman can’t really both be honorable, courageous and competent at the same time. One has to be silly, timorous and completely unable to help themselves so the other can feel good.
But that is what this guy is trying to dispel.
That you don’t have to kick back to a time of sexism and inequality to be a man. That a true man should be able to figure out his place in today’s world, where he is strong and relevant AND respective of strong and equal women.
Wow. I am really impressed with this blog.
Generally, the MRA blogs tend to be really anti-female, and the feminist blogs tend to be anti-male. It’s hard to find an objective voice in all the noise.
This place is it.
Brava!
I don’t think there’s any need to go searching out antique clothing to be a real man, that’s just silly. You can be honorable and decent and chivalrous and whatever else you want to be as a man while wearing modern clothing. Of course your clothing says something about you but there’s no reason you need to get a shirt and tie from the 60’s when you can just hit the mall and get a perfectly respectable one.
I don’t know why Traister feels that this trend is making guys worry about their appearance more and spend more money on such things. These guys are getting their hair done at the barber shop and not much more. Compare that to the typical androgynous guy who is spending an age styling his air, putting on his make up, and forever buying new skinny jeans and designer duds to perfect his look. I’d rather have a guy who buys a few good quality pieces that will last than the one who is always at the mall or digging around in thrift stores for new looks.
Because it’s an image just as much as the others. I don’t think he’s speaking against men who go to barbershops because it’s always worked for them. It’s the men who have started going to barbershops because it makes them feel old-time manly.
This image may not require quite as much work as some others, but it’s still chasing an idea of what makes a guy cool, rather than figuring himself out.
What if this is what he digs? I have some of these habits, to be sure, and I have friends who do as well, and I don’t understand why it’s being attacked as an affectation. Is it that unbelievable that not dressing like a child is actually rather comfortable?
I’m sure there are some guys who have always dressed nice and been a little old-time in their style and affection.
I think this is speaking to the others now jumping on a trend.
And what’s wrong with retro? I know plenty of women who just love vintage clothing (me included), and it’s got nothing to do with wanting to live up (or down, as the case may be) to the gender stereotypes of those eras.
Frankly, I love Victorian-esque clothing, and I feel more confident wearing it, which means that I’m less likely to act weak and feeble wearing that than I am in jeans and t-shirt.
All I can say is, if men want to wear these clothes, and they feel comfortable in them, then they should go for it! The only caveat I would add is that your clothes should reflect your tastes and pesonality, not define them.
It would be an issue if you acted according to 19th century mores, though. Or, should I say, you acted according to our idea of what it meant to be a 19th century woman–a subject I’ve studied for years. That would be a problem, a big problem.
These men embracing Mad Men-esque social mores are embracing the 21st century’s vision of the 1950’s. They’re embracing a fantasy where men could smoke, drink, hit their wives, cheat on their wives, ignore their children and the women would accept, nurture, and coddle them for it. And that’s a problem.
It’s not about clothes, it’s about the ideology that they’re dressing up in when they put on those clothes.
“The only caveat I would add is that your clothes should reflect your tastes and pesonality, not define them.”
That’s….actually the point this very column was making. It wasn’t a slam against retro clothing.
I’d like to add a completely superficial comment by saying: HELLO Mr Draper.
*ahem*
Excellent points raised by all, but I’m afraid my brain has been turned to mush by that picture.
Agreed
Oh yeah. This is one of the best, most interesting articles I’ve read in weeks, but that pic….whew! I need to turn on a fan or something! ;)
What manly examples do we have to look at in 2010? Are we to follow The Situation?
I hadn’t seen this phenomenon (don’t think it’s reached my neck of the woods yet) but I can definitely see where my fiance is leaning in that direction.
It’s not necessarily a glorification of wife-beating, chain smoking and alcoholism. It’s an appreciation of a different type of person – not just men.
Today’s younger men have turned into strange creatures in a perpetual state of adolescence. They wear t-shirts, have piercings, and odd looking haircuts way past a normal age for rebellion. I find it unappealing, myself. Much prefer a more old-school approach.
My fiance and I both agree that standards have slipped since that time period. People used to take more pride in their conduct and dress, and that just isn’t around these days. There is a big distinction between men and gentlemen, and women and ladies. The definition has changed over the years, but the distinction is still there. We’re not the only ones, either. A lot of our friends (early to mid 20s) believe in a shift to more traditional values.
He hasn’t taken to wearing vintage, but he wears collared shirts and dress shoes unless doing work around the house, and laments the lack of good hat stores that carry anything beyond baseball caps. He believes in opening doors for ladies, walking on the road side of the sidewalk, and he always offers his arm to me when we’re walking together. People tease him about this stuff, but he believes it should just be general etiquette. Personally, I was weirded out at first (being somewhat of a RAWR feminist at the time), but now I agree entirely.
Just look at your average (I emphasize average) young woman of today. Sweatpants and leggings abound, and very little is left to the imagination. They curse like sailors and cake on makeup, dye their hair strange colours and just generally don’t give a damn what people think of them. It’s great that they can do this in today’s society, but it’s unappealing, both to myself (as a previous specimen of the above) and to my guy. Ladylike conduct has its benefits. How hard is it for an outspoken, foul-mouthed young girl to adjust to a job? To meeting the future mother-in-law? To having a child and trying not to pollute its vocabulary? If you always comport yourself as if you were talking to a potential employer, it’s much easier when the situation does arise, especially when it’s unexpected. It’s also a lot more appealing to NICE young men.
People make it seem like it’s a weakness to be masculine as a man, or feminine as a female. Just because I knit, cook and clean doesn’t mean I can’t clutter the office with my disassembled electronics. Just because my man does the heavy lifting around the place doesn’t mean he can’t do the dishes!
Isn’t the whole point of equality between the sexes the freedom to choose which role/roles you will fulfill? Why the negative backlash when someone decides to do something different?
I too like to think in terms of “if I met this person in a job interview down the line, would my present conduct give him/her a bad background impression?”
I agree that dressing appropriately and speaking well are good things.
I will think about what I say to people. I will thin about whether my clothing is tasteful. I will remove my headwear for the national anthem. I will appreciate if someone holds a door for me when my hands are full, and I will ask if someone else needs help carrying things when they’re looking overloaded.
But I will never walk on the inside of a sidewalk for protection, and I will never wait for a guy to open my door. I will never accept a proffered elbow in which to tuck my dainty arm for guidance.
There are things that all people should do, and then there are things than a gentleman should do to protect his weaker lady. I oppose these signifiers of inequality.
If, as you say ” People tease him about this stuff, but he believes it should just be general etiquette”, he believes it to be general etiquette, does he treat all people the same way? Will he offer his arm to a friend on the way out for some drinks (or wine, I’m sure you’re classy that way)? Will he stop and open a door for his brother? Will he walk on the outside of the sidewalk when he’s out for a stroll with his father?
I believe strongly in courtesy – treating all people well. I believe strongly against chivalry – treating women specially because they are more fragile beings who need assistance.
If you would do x for a male friend or brother, I will appreciate the same. If you will do it only because I’m female, I’d rather you treated me like an equal.
I am an adult, and I should behave as one. But I have no desire to be a ‘lady’.
Now that I’ve (somewhat) gotten over my Don Draper surge of lust, I feel prepared to comment on this article. :)
I think it’s very sad, first of all, that many men are so lost when seeking to find their own identity. Now, I know this is a “feminist” website, and that the general kneejerk reaction would typically be “who cares?! Men have been in charge and doing things their own way for centuries!” but I don’t feel that way. I can’t imagine what it must be like to see roles the man is typically supposed to fulfill being (I know this is the wrong word, but just go with it) usurped by women.
I find the idea of “gender roles” to be absolutely fascinating. We are living in a time where thousand year old traditions are being snapped in two every day. Of course confusion will arise about who is supposed to do what. Where (most) women are embracing and loving their new opportunities, men, I think, are left in the dust wondering where to go from here. I don’t think they resent the newly found identity of woman, I think they are happy for our freedom and applaud it (generally). I think they wish us the best. But it must be hard for them, too.
I’ve NEVER been a fan of the “Abercrombie frat-boy trend” mentioned in the article. EVER. I find it juvenile, weak, and just plain boring and useless. From what I’ve seen of the men who dress this way is a general lack of manners, decency, and honor. Obviously, that isn’t the case for EVERY man who takes on that style, but I see it more often than not. I do happen to find the Don Draper style to be much more attractive and appealing. Does that mean that the man wearing the 3-piece-suit is a kinder person? No. Does it mean that the frat-tastic man is a dirty player? No.
In the last 30 years, men have, for the first time, been more openly subjected to fashion and style. Gone are the days of “MEN WEAR PANTS. MEN WEAR TIES. MEN WEAR MANLY THINGS.” Men can wear whatever the hell they want. And good for them! But what that has introduced, it seems, is judgment of the men that do decide to dress a “different” way. Just like a woman will judge another woman for her outfit, so will a man, now. Don’t get me wrong, I know that the clothes don’t make the woman or man, but in a way, they do. You tend to wear the clothes you feel express yourself most effectively and accurately. If a man (genuinely) feels more himself in a suit, so be it. Personally, I feel absolutely delightful in a high-waisted pencil skirt and tight sweater with heels. But that’s just me.
My fiancee, however, prefers to wear plain shorts or jeans with a t-shirt, typically representing his favorite college or sports team (or beer, ugh.), and a baseball cap. That’s just him. The last thing he’s worried about is what he’s wearing. And for me, that’s just another thing that I love about him.
It’s hard to come to terms with “ok, this is who I am, now I have to find someone who respects that, and can fit their way into that and work with me.” Everyone has to find their own identity and style. I wish, though, instead of focusing so much on the outer layers, that people could just look at clothes as tangible coverings of the body, instead of the label that makes each individual what they are. No matter WHAT a person chooses to wear, we MUST be open to looking beyond that and chipping all that away to discover the individual inside. At the risk of sounding absolutely 100% cliche’, we can’t judge books by their Abercrobie/Don Draper/emo/gangster/cowboy cover. We have to find the man inside, and hopefully that man knows exactly who he is despite what clothes he’s wearing.
Sorry for the novel-length comment. Back to my Don Draper lusting…
Your fiance sounds like my boyfriend in the clothing department. I don’t mind except for the other day when I had to make him choose between wearing either basketball shorts or birkenstocks and white socks in order for me to be seen in public with him…
Hey, if men want to make the effort to dress well, I am always behind that. 100%.
It’s not about the clothes. It’s not about manners. It’s about the proliferation on Facebook of groups that have titles such as “Why do girls need math, they’re only going to be in the kitchen anyway?” and “Shut up woman and make me a sammich?” and the groups making fun of domestic violence. It’s about romanticizing the good ol’ days when there weren’t any good ol’ days.
It’s about guys who want girlfriends and wives to be their mommies instead of their partners. And yes, that applies to emo, hipsters, hippies, and frat boys. It’s a problem when a man wants his partner to coddle him, baby him, treat him like a God, and expect nothing in return. And when she does make demands of him, he throws a temper tantrum, or worse, a backhand because “that’s how it used to be.”
That’s the problem.
Are these jokes tasteless? Yes.
Is this attitude ever actually put into practise by those who make the joke? Rarely to never. If anything, those who truly are domineering and abusive would resent people making fun of their way of life.
I have male friends who will make these jokes, but only around women they respect, contrary as that may seem. I can hurl it right back at them, so they take pleasure in the verbal joust. Maybe anybody seriously offended should consider developing a backbone and a sense of humour.
It’s just another shock value joke, like the ‘dead baby’ jokes from about 10 years ago.
Agreed. I think those groups are hilarious. Many of my male friends tell jokes like that around me, and that’s really all they are…jokes. If you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen. Unless you’re a woman! Haha, kidding! :)
My husband and I joke about these things, too, it’s not like I lack a sense of humor. But I’m seeing more and more young men who make these jokes but don’t really see them as jokes. And that disturbs me.
Well, if they aren’t saying it or meaning it jokingly, then we do have a problem.
Dude… don’t mock cosplay. Sure, 80% of people fuck it up, but the other 20% look fantastic!
Anyway, I agree with this article. Why try to be something you aren’t? It’s insecurity at it’s finest. If you wanna be a retro guy, go for it. If you’re doing it just to fit in, you’re a loser. Honestly, I don’t understand how people can’t just wear what they want to. WHO CARES what people think of you, if YOU like it, rock it.
Hmm.. This sort of reminds me of a fictional group of people called “Pretensionists” from a Phillip K. Dick novel “The Game Players of Titan”. People (men & women) would dress and act as if they came from an earlier time. I took it to be some sort of sad escapism from the dreary world in which they lived.
Life imitates art once again!
[...] Attack Of The Retrosexual – Zelda Lily [...]
Didn’t we do this in the 90s? With the whole lounge thing?
(p.s. I loved it then. I’ve been waiting my whole life for fedoras to come back in style.)
The article makes it about the clothes to an extent and I think that is a mistake. I am so tired of men wearing sweatpants and comfort cut jeans and running shoes. I think many of today’s mens fashions are demasculinizing. I make an effort to look presentable and I wear retro dresses because I think I look good and it makes me feel feminine. When I put on a sixties dress I don’t feel the need to have children and take care of a man.
Men may get more confidence taking some pride in their appearance, I don’t think a suit and a nice hair cut can brain wash a man into being a male chauvinist. One’s fashion and beliefs are not always linked. You cannot judge a book by it’s cover.