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I’ll share a secret with you: I’m not a big Sarah Silverman fan. I’m not quite sure what it is about her that just rubs me the wrong way, but I think it has a lot to do with her over-the-top crassness. Don’t get me wrong; I can say piss and shit and fuck with the best of them, but she’s just … a little much for me, I guess.
Anyway, Silverman took to her Twitter account yesterday to speak against the injustices that same-sex couples are subjected to when it comes to legalizing marriages throughout the country. You all know the deal; many states don’t recognize gay marriage and will only accept same-sex unions from other states and whatever else have you — it’s one of society’s burning topics nowadays. I, for one, am 100% for same-sex marriage and same-sex unions, depending on the couple’s prerogative. I see no reason to discriminate homosexual love from the rights and privileges that heterosexual couples receive and I think it’s terribly blasé to think that this issue will go away on its own unless people do speak up about it.
However. Sarah Silverman, among other celebrities that share the same notion, states that “if u marry in this climate u are against equal rights” and she then prompts you to boycott marriage as a fundamental. I have to go ahead and disagree with that, and not because I think it’s a moot point. Really, churches and states and those that incorporate both to co-exist in their constitution aren’t going to legalize same-sex marriages and consider them binding just because heterosexual couples aren’t going to marry. Honestly, I hardly think it’ll be any sweat off of their backs if heterosexual couples stop marrying altogether.
I think the girl’s got a point — as do others that have shared similar feelings on the topic — but I think she’s once again overdoing it, just in a different kind of way.
To really accomplish things that you want to see happen, there’s a way to go about them. Being the petulant little girl in the corner that refuses to share her toys is not it.
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Since coming out as bisexual in 1999 I eschewed marriage in Australia (a country which does not allow same sex marriages) as a show of solidarity rather than a protest. Getting in married in Canada or New Zealand were the only options I felt good with.
Fuck Sarah Silverman, if I want to get married before same-sex marriage is legal in all of the US, then dammit I will.
I absolutely believe gays should be able to marry, but not getting married myself isn’t going to help anyone.
I absolutely 100% agree with you. Couldn’t have said it better myself.
Also, I cannot stand Sarah Silverman. She isn’t funny. To me, she comes off as a whiney little snot who is desperate to be funny. Grow up, Sarah.
Anybody know Sarah Silverman’s address? I want to send her an invitation to my wedding.
Agreed. If you want to make a change, put your time, money and energy somewhere that it will have an effect.
If you think it means something to you, or your friends to not get married until anyone can, that’s fine.
but to claim that anyone getting married does so in opposition to equality is just taking it silly.
I don’t think Sarah Silverman is funny at all. Being crass is one thing, but to try and cutify it all the time is annoying. Saying fuck while wrinkling your nose and laughing at how clever you are isn’t funny to me.
[...] Sarah Silverman Boycotts Traditional Marriage – Zelda Lily [...]
I don’t know if she is really being serious with this “boycott marriage” thing. But if she is, I agree with the other posters. The only people that would really upset would be wedding planners, bakeries, wedding dress manufacturers, tuxedo rental, etc. I don’t think the government would give two craps. And the people who need to get married before they have sex and/or have children because of their religious beliefs are usually not the kind of people to support same sex marriage. So they’d get married anyway. I think she’s trying to show off how committed she is to this cause but she is blowing it by overdoing it. Just like when she wanted the Pope to sell the Vatican to feed the hungry. We don’t need that kind of “help”, we need people with practical, effective solutions.
But if the whole thing is meant as a joke, then shame on her. The question of same sex marriage affects so many people’s lives. For her to turn it into a joke, especially in the guise of sham support, would be incredibly insensitive.
I just don’t want to support an institution in a country that would deny me of that if i was wanting to marry a female. Its not a punishment or an economic reason, its a show of solidarity.
Getting married where others cannot is distasteful to me.
I entirely agree.
This is not an issue of someone throwing a fit and then refusing to share their toys. It is an expression of protest, one might may not directly affect the church and state, but one which might have your friends and family thinking differently.
Would you discourage Rosa Parks from refusing to sit at the back of the bus because it ‘doesn’t really DO anything’? Absolutely not. It is a gesture, and gestures can mean a lot in the long run.
I don’t think Sarah Silverman, or anyone else who is taking the stance that no one should participate in marriage unless everyone can participate in marriage, are saying that taking this simple action would change everything. But shunning the institution of marriage is a pretty powerful action; not only as a statement to the US, but as a means of showing homosexuals that not only do you feel that they deserve the same rights that heterosexuals, but they are putting their money where their mouth is an making an actual sacrifice to show their support.
That’s not to say anyone who marries should see themselves as villains in the situation, but I don’t feel it’s fair to criticize those who are taking action to make themselves feel better about the disparity in the US.
Thank you.not getting married in my native county has been someting that was always so important to me, as my many glbti buddies deserve that right just as much as I do, so how could I expect them to participate in something that they are proscribed from doing?
Otherwise have a Straight People Only function. Yay.
I think that sitting on a bus was a much more deliberate act than not getting married. Is Sarah in a serious relationship right now? Is she engaged or with someone that she could marry in the near future? Saying she isn’t getting married when marriage isn’t something that’s even in sight for her is totally different than Rosa Parks sitting in a “Whites Only” part of the bus. That was something that Ms. Parks actually DID. Sarah Silverman can say she won’t get married all she wants, because well, she isn’t getting married anytime soon. It would be completely different if she were engaged and had wedding plans pending when she said this. It’s just not very effective for HER to say it. Now, if someone who IS engaged (ie Emily Blunt, Katy Perry, etc) were to do this, it may be much more effective.
Sarah has gone to weddings and supported her straight married friends as recently as 2008 (when gay marriage was an enormous issue), and she seemed ok with it then. I personally think this is a publicity stunt for her.
I agree with gay marriage/civil unions completely, but she’s going about this the wrong way.
Isn’t this akin to saying to a vegetarian that their refusal to eat meat doesn’t matter to the movement because they never really liked meat anyways?
Whether or not Sarah Silverman is in a position to marry isn’t important. Other celebrities, even ones who are in serious relationships, have made the same declaration, and I hope other people will consider their decisions and, if it is right for them, make a similar one for themselves.
She had a quote not so long ago where she asked people why they would join a club that others were unjustly denied access to. And that really is it. Married heterosexual couples are offered rights and a sense of validity that are denied to homosexual couples. So it makes sense that one would want to deny the rights they are afforded until they are afforded to all.
It’s entirely admirable in my mind.
It is akin to that. And it’s still somebody who isn’t in a position to actually sacrifice something asking somebody else to do so. Some people are vegetarians for health reasons. It has nothing at all to do with not wanting to eat an animal. How exactly does that help the animal rights movement?
It’s harder to take Sarah Silverman seriously because who knows if she’d take that stand if it was actually a sacrifice for her?
When Brad and Angelina say they won’t get married till gay couples can, it means something. It’s actually a sacrifice on their part.
The point is what the action stands for, not where it lands in severity of sacrifice.
Along the same lines of argument, you could say Jolie and Pitt’s refusal to get married doesn’t mean anything in comparison to someone who has been married for ten years getting a divorce because they refuse to be part of a system that exlcudes others. Which could then build to a couple married, twenty years, and so on.
If Silverman changes her mind in a few years and gets married, then let the criticism fly. But for now, she is trying to take a step towards showing others she believes in their right to marry, and that is entirely comendable.
She’s not just stating that she refuses to marry. She’s stating that nobody else should. In fact, she’s declaring that anybody else who does marry is against equal rights.
That’s untrue, and unfair.
It’s unfair because she’s asking others to make a sacrifice that she’s not in a position to make herself.
To say that people who marry are against equal rights is such a huge logical fallacy.
I love my husband and I don’t feel that being married to him is a betrayal of the gay community. It’s because I value my marriage to him that I want to fight for other’s to have this same right.
And what about gay couples who are getting married in DC? Are they against equal rights because they’re getting married in a place that’s legal while couples in other places aren’t allowed to? Or is it ok for heterosexual couples to get married in a state that allows gay marriage?
What the hell is she even saying??
Although I think she is being a bit bombastic about it, in theory, she is right.
To partake in a right that is denied to others is to supress their rights. Yes, you probably would let them have the same rights as you if it was your choice, but it isn’t. So those who are married are enjoying rights that are denied to others, which is furthering inequality. Equality would be if no one could marry.
Now, what I don’t agree with is villianizing those who are married. Things are just a little bit more complex than saying if you’re for gay rights you’re unwed, and if you’re married you’re not. I understand the gesture, and I appreciate it, but I don’t think it’s valuable to alienate those who are married from the fight for equality by making them out to be the problem.
For example, let’s say you’re chilling out on the Titantic, when you find out it’s about to sink. Some steward says women and children first, get on a lifeboat. As a woman, you do.
Now, this is in no way fair to those who are going to die on the ship. Would they blame you? Of course not. They would probably do the same in your position. But, if you refused to get on the lifeboat out of a solidarity for all those on the ship, well that is commendable. It won’t necessarily change anything in the end, but it is something I would certainly applaud.
A more practical parable could be applied to all sorts of historical contexts; for example, if a non-Jew was to stand up to the Nazis they would certainly be shot, so many people didn’t. They were safe, and no one can blame them for not wanting to risk their lives to stand in solidarity with the Jews. But the silence among so many people lead to a mass genocide, and now that it has passed, we all ask eachother why no one spoke up about this disaster when it was pending.
Well, in a way, the same could be said of heteosexual marriage. I think you would be hard pressed to find a homosexual who is resentful of a heterosexual friend for being married. However they are denied that right, and I think it is extremely admirable that some people are getting into the trenches with them and refusing to enjoy something that others are denied.
“A more practical parable could be applied to all sorts of historical contexts; for example, if a non-Jew was to stand up to the Nazis they would certainly be shot, so many people didn’t.”
No, if she was asking us all to voluntarily go to the concentration camps, that would be comparable.
It doesn’t matter to her how you vote or what you say.
And I do really want to know how she feels about gay and hetero couples that get married in states where gay marriage is legal. Is that ok? Or do we have to wait until a federal law has been passed?
If straight people don’t exercise the right, who will?
[...] Sarah Silverman Boycotts Traditional Marriage – Zelda Lily [...]
To many of the commenters:
You do realize that she was in a long-term relationship with Jimmy Kimmel right? And she didn’t marry him? And she said she wouldn’t even consider it until gay couples got that right? That was in 2008 when she was in the position to sacrifice something, so this argument is really quite nonsense.
Were they engaged? Didn’t they spend 2008 breaking up and getting back together? I have a feeling they wouldn’t have been getting married even if gay marriage was legal.
Why was she attending weddings in 2008 if she felt so strongly that they should happen for nobody until they happened for everybody?
I don’t think the idea of refusing to marry until all can marry is bad. I do think it’s ridiculous to suggest that anybody who does marry is against equal rights.
“I don’t think the idea of refusing to marry until all can marry is bad. I do think it’s ridiculous to suggest that anybody who does marry is against equal rights.”
That’s pretty much my opinion too, Alzaetia. If somebody wants to boycott marriage, they can have at it as far as I’m concerned. But I’m certainly not going to follow suit. If marrying the love of your life makes me a horrible person who doesn’t care about the rights of others (which is completely asinine, as it were), well, then I’m just going to have to live with that gut-wrenching guilt, I suppose.
Why would she get engaged if she had no intention of marrying until gay people could? Also, Brad and Angelina are not engaged.
She could’ve gone to the weddings b/c the couples were already going to anyways without her. If she tried to persuade them and failed, no point of being rude and boycotting the wedding.
She’s totally missing the fact that many people need marriage for legal reasons. I married my husband straight out of college. We probably would have waited a few years only we wanted to move to the US because that’s where he grew up and he had an excellent job offer waiting for him. I couldn’t move with him and start down the track to legal residency if we weren’t married so off to the registry office we went. One of my friends married so she could access her partners health insurance. They were planning on staying together forever anyway but once they decided to have kids they needed that legal contract.
There are so many reasons to get married and boycotting marriage would be a real hardship for many. Of course it sucks that there are gay couples who can’t access some of those benefits (health insurance is often available to domestic partners for example) and I’d love to see them legally be allowed to marry but I hardly think that me living 3000 miles away from my life partner is going to help their case.
I completly agree!
I had the same thought, Rhonda. Some workplaces are great about offering benefits to same-sex partners, but so many still aren’t. In this economy, with tons of people without jobs or health coverage … if you’re in love, I just can’t imagine not marrying a boyfriend or girlfriend to make sure their health needs are provided for. I don’t think any compassionate person would say that was wrong — we’re all trying to get by by the skin of our teeth. We’re doing what we have to.
In a perfect world, we’d all be racking in what Silverman does. We’d all have health care. In that world, I can see her suggestion as a little more noble.
As a child of a *pastor* in all seriousness I can say it DOES hurt the church financially. Pastors are PAID for pre and post marriage counseling and many require it and are paid for the ceremony itself (hey that’s how I got my bike when I was 12, my dad did a wedding before Christmas)
Also I think you ENTIRELY misunderstand SS. Yes I’m biased. I’m a big fan of her and a big fan of gay rights.
I actually promised myself that I wouldn’t get married until we all can. I think it is selfish and hypocritical. Would you take the bus which doesn’t take gay people? Yeah it is convenient for you, but it is supporting a biased system.
Basically…. Sarah is funny, she makes good points…. you suck. neener neener boo boo!
just kidding,
but really I do disagree with you, and I think her point deserves more thought.
Good for you.
I guess it just is a matter of personal priorities. There are no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ priorities in this.
GLBTI equality has always been of primary importance to me personally, and I have put my support of this movement above friendships, relationships and career moves. That doesn’t mean that others don’t care, simply because they don’t go to the same lengths, it just means their prioritis are different.
If I had not met my husband in Canada I would not be married now, and my first marriage was a commitment ceremony BECAUSE I was not going to sign a piece of paper that my friends could not, because of their sexuality.
And I would in no way avoid a hetro wedding because of the law either. If SS attends a hetro wedding how is that being hypocritical – its her choice to boycott legal marriage for herself, not for others.
“If SS attends a hetro wedding how is that being hypocritical”
It’s hypocritical because she says that if you choose to get married when gay people can’t get married then you don’t support equal rights. Attending a wedding is showing support for a wedding, and that runs contrary to her mission statement.
I think that as she made a suggestion, and not a demand, or a call to arms that her presence at a hetro wedding would be to support the bride and groom on a personal level, not politically.
Her final sentence is a little more agressive, but I don’t think that she really means to force others to take her stance. If everyone only attended weddings of those whose political agendas mirrored our own, then weddings would be very much smaller!
I know nothing about SS, except that she is an alleged chubby chaser, and for all I know she is a raging bitch, so perhaps I am projecting, but while I would never break a picket line, if two hetros decide to get married I’m stil going to go along and drink champagne, but I refused 3 marriage proposals in the 10 years or so since I made that same stand. Thats a lot of life people. I was happily risking old maiddom for this, and all I EVER wanted, my WHOLE LIFE was to get married and be a housewife.
So I find it personally offensive that many of you act as though this sort of sacrifice cannot be legitimate.
I don’t think that the sacrifice isn’t legitimate. I just think that Silverman’s attitude is insufferable, and makes me want to get married ten times instead of one. I’m not trying to sound like a snotty little bitch, but she just really irritated me with that comment “IF U MARRY IN THIS CLIMATE U ARE AGAINST EQUAL RIGHTS”.
That was really admirable of you.
I think I’ve been misunderstood. I admire her personal stance. I hate her statement that anybody who does marry is against equal rights. That is bullshit.
I think if you’re going to make such a sweeping, insulting statement you need to be prepared for every action you take to be scrutinized.
I would equate it somewhat to people who care about the environment but don’t really take any steps to ensure sustainability.
Except I find the issue more sensitive, more easily accomplished (not really as much time, money, science involved to solve this issue), and honestly more immediate.
And I guess the long term/short term various effects are too complex to compare.
…So really my analogy sucks. Except the hypocrisy part, that is still very much true.
so yeah you can still support equal rights and get married… but you aren’t actively supporting it, just sort of doing the half-assed and self-righteous American gig.
…or you could go to Canada and get married where everyone can and they marraige is still legal in your country of choice. Or many other countries. Have a destination wedding. Its fun anyway. I got married on Prince Edward Island, just like Anne of Green Gables.
I honestly don’t see how a destination wedding makes a difference. So you sign the papers in a locale that allows gay marriage. If you’re then going back to your old locale you’ll still have gay neighbors who can’t marry and if they go off and have a destination wedding it won’t count when they get back home either.
It doesn’t make a lick of difference legally, but it is a good show of solidarity, it shows that you care and it shows to your glbti friends that you will go the extra mile to support them.
I mean, to a person with limited glbti contacts then it would probably be a pointless exercise, unless you tried to get some form of publicity for it, which is just bad taste if you are not a public figure in my opinion.
It makes a difference in that you’re holding back money from institutions and people that don’t believe in hetero/homo equality. What we do with our dollars can have a significant impact, even if its just buying products from environmentally-friendly companies.
Don’t know… then maybe we, as women, should stop attending university because women in other parts of the world can’t? I don’t think it’s the solution. We have to fight, but marriage is important to, say, protect the couple’s children. Anyway, as Rhonda said, some people need to marry for different reasons… I have a friend whose boyfriend is American; she’s now in the US visiting and she’ll probably have to get married to be able to stay with him, since she can’t find a job in the US, therefore not being able to get a residence permit, and doesn’t want to come back to Europe without him.
I think this is being blown a bit out of proportion.
As with most personal political actions, there will always be a gap between what you are actively trying to achieve and what you realistically can.
For example: you’re against child labour, so you never buy clothes from stores that do not offer free trade clothing. Well chances are, you own something that was made using slave labour, whether that is a thread in a dish cloth you own, or the yarn in an old pair of socks.
Same with vegetarians. Try as they might, it is likely that there is some animal products involved in their lives. It just can’t be entirely avoided.
All one can do is live in a manner that makes you feel comfortable with your morals. Not everyone is going to be satisfied with that, but others shouldn’t be so important in coming to terms with your own actions.
Perhaps what you might do may be morally appalling to me, but there might be something that I do that initates the same response in you.
I do think that marrying in a climate where others are denied the right to marry is furthering inequality- but for me. Not for you. For me, or anyone else, to guilt someone into questioning their morality isn’t really an effective means of getting anyone to change their mind (it’s why PETA is such an awful organization).
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