Three’s a Crowd: Planning a Threesome to Spice Up Your Marriage


The latest issue of Marie Claire has people talking — about sex, natch, and how many it actually takes to tango.  The right way.

Contributor Pamela Druckerman states that in planning her husband’s 40th birthday bash, instead of asking for the obligatory tie or briefcase, her husband had requested a threesome — which, had my husband requested a threesome for a birthday, instead of honoring his request, I’d have to grant him a divorce as a birthday present.  But hey … that’s just me.

However, although she approved of the ménage à trois, it was under strict condition that she choose the other woman. Druckerman claims that after naming various female friends (even pregnant ones!), her husband pretty much okayed every.  single.  one.  She’s either got some pretty hot friends or this dude’s just not that discriminating.  After seeking out various candidates, none had made the cut at that point.

Druckerman took it as her one do-or-die event to accomplish and went to the internet to seek a woman who’d be interested in sharing their bed.  She finally finds “the one” on a website offering swingers-type arrangements and chooses to meet her due to her perfect spelling and grammar in electronic communications.  (I kind of … get that, actually.)  She meets with the woman a total of three times before D-Day.

Although the piece in Marie Claire was a two-part story and not yet available on the internet, the fabulous gals over at Jezebel took it upon themselves to actually purchase a printed magazine (who still does that?) and read the finale. Evidently, after much planning, all parties pulled out of the arrangement citing opinions that the planning had become too “boring” and had taken much of the excitement out of the prospect.

I’ve never had much of an interest in three-ways and what have you, but I think the story turned out quite interesting for the Marie Claire writer and her husband.  It’s amazing the things that can pop up in a relationship that can either make you or break you — clearly she and her husband were comfortable enough with the idea to investigate it, pursue it and ultimately nix it, but I can tell you: it shows the spectrum of people’s tolerance levels because if my husband seriously asked me for a threesome after all of the time that we’ve been together … I don’t know, man.  It wouldn’t be good.  I can definitely say that it’d completely change my view of both him and the relationship.  I probably wouldn’t be able to continue with our marriage, simply on the grounds that sexual fidelity, to me, is something that has to be mandatory common ground.  When I experienced younger, wilder days I might not have thought twice about it but when marriage enters the picture, in my experiences, situations and circumstances change.

What do you guys think?  Are you for or against that third (or more) person in the bedroom?



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31 thoughts on “Three’s a Crowd: Planning a Threesome to Spice Up Your Marriage

  1. I would like to have a threesome with another woman, and my husband says he wouldn’t mind it. I was recently invited to participate in a threesome with some married friends of mine, but since my husband wasn’t part of the invitation I had to decline. =)

  2. Just from encounters I have either read about or heard first person, I think most people are asking for trouble. For me, not in a million years. It’s a great fantasy, but unless I was pretty well drugged of drunked up (not in the picture anymore either), not gonna happen.

    I really agree with Sarah on this one. Again, I’m not going to disparge anyone that enjoys threesomes though.

  3. The way I see it, if my bf won’t go for a threesome with another guy for me, fuck no am I going to have one with another chick. Fair’s fair.

    If I were bi this would be an entirely different matter. Sometimes I think it would be way more fun if I were…haha.

    • I think that’s totally fair.
      To be honest, if I was asked to bring in an extra partner, I might not say no. It could make things more interesting. If you act adult and set up ground rules I don’t think it has to hurt your relationship. But I would also demand boy-boy-girl in return. Hey–fair is fair. If I’m willing to give it a go, they better be too.

      Also I don’t think I believe in perfect monogamy over 30-50 years. Not just for men, but for women as well. I think it’s a nice goal. But often imperfect. I’d much rather my husband come to me when thinking of having sex outside the marriage, than do like so many other men do and go to a pro or pick up a girl at the bar.

      I’ll take honesty any time over lies.

  4. I think it just depends on the couple. If you are solid on the us and no one else thing, then you should both know better than to ask for anything else. If that’s not necessarily how your marriage works go forth and do what does.

  5. I had a bunch of them in my misspent youth – 3 girls (damp). guy guy girl (painful ) and girl girl guy ( good as long as the guy knows his place) and I got over it.

    If you are in a relationship, I have lived it and I have seen it, they cause trouble.

    Thank God my slutty husband has had enough of them too so he doesn’t want one. he said if I ever wanted to I could have sex with another woman while he watched, but I dont want to have sex with anyone but him, in my heart of hearts.

    • I could see how it would be painful with the guy guy girl. Only so many orfices, pin cushion effect. Plus I think it’s hard enough to concentrate on just one act, way worse than walking and chewing gum at the same time!! Even thinking about it feels like work! Haha!

      I think in the very begininng of my own relationship, like the first 2 or 3 months, I would have been open to a threesome. Once I realized I wanted this man for keeps, it was definitely off the table. We had the oppertunity to do it with one of our mutual friends but it was him who kept his attention only on me. He told me later he really considered it but he didn’t want to risk me thinking he wasn’t serious about us. Military relationships are precarious as it is. He’s a smart man, my husband! :)

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  7. Don’t know, I mean it’s such a personal choice and it depends so much on what your relationship is like…! I don’t know whether I’d accept or not, frankly.

    • I’ve missed you! I was even thinking “God, hope the girl is ok and nothing has happened. Naw, she’s just busy with school and life.”

      God, I’m slowly turning into my mother!!!

  8. There is just no way my fiance and I would ever participate in a threesome. That’s one of the sacred cardinal sex rules my fiance and I have.

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  10. look ladies i always have advocated having sex with another woman is really good for the relationship. yes when a man is involved for the first two years i cant imagine any other man sticking his penis in my Gf or wife.now after ten years of marriage things change wife is harassed for one reason or another ,i am also harassed for one reason or another but more important i have played with every legitimate orifice of my wife or gf and i can recite its dimension better than any engineer.so why not let me have spice by tasting every now and then another women .ok ok dont attack me ,just listen if governor Spitzer former governor of NY ,who has this fantastic wife needed some sex on the side it meant that he had enough of the orifices his wife but is willing to have a temporary side dish younger side dish 19 years old to get his engine running again, men are like that generally they are really good husbands ,good providers but when it comes to sex they are bored easily and if women are smart they will do what that women did for her husband (the main discussion topic) threesome two girls and one man.no man will ever want to have sex with two men and a women it is not in the common nature unless he is bisexual we are talking here about the common average heterosexual male.do i agree if my gf or wife said i want sex with two men i will say go ahead but don’t include me .i really think in spite of the hoopla women make about sex and feminism and so on sex is not a number one item ,hey statistics show that many women would prefer to shop to a Manolo shoe than sex at any time ,never for a man .man can live on a 2penny loafers and give the rest of the money to sexy thing to have sex with a sexy young women over 19 ha ha ha and under 30.in all i say its not a bad idea to have 3 some .in many cultures of the world a man can have 4 wifes .in another culture in Africa a woman can have more than one husband i think it is in Niger (pronounced as NEYJAR)
    if the women in America agree on this then there we will never be any spinster. cheers

  11. you see jess we don’t stoop to that lower end we men discuss rational and we have a point to make and contribute .So to call all of us men disgusting men show how intolerant you are and you really are no femist .A feminist is a woman who fights inequality and who hates that one side dominates .a feminist is a woman who wants equality to all and fairness not a nabob of negativism ,so when we men stat e our opinion we are practicing what real feminism is which is fairness to every opinion. only an old type feminist of the ball busting man hating will not allow a male to participate. .So please rise up to the occasions and don’t insult us ,we want to contribute to the debate ,and it is very important for feminist to listen what the other side is saying.we also have sisters ,mothers daughters feminist and we live together amicably.
    chill out baby
    and zelda you rock for your web site,

  12. I think that if your husband simply MENTIONING that he wants a threesome is grounds for a divorce then I would say you seriously need to look into exploring your need for control. Every man is biologically set up to want to spread his seed to as many women as possible. Sex with multiple women is the ultimate validation of a man’s virility and attractiveness and if you really think that your husband is sexy then you can easily imagine that other women feel the same way. So… your husband wants a threesome. Period. All men do. If he isn’t saying it then it’s because he knows how much of a negative reaction you will have if he does. In other words, you aren’t allowing him to be honest about his sexuality and you are limiting his behavior to what you want rather than who he is. If he brought it up to you and you told him that you weren’t comfortable with it then that would be perfectly reasonable and he would need to respect your personal boundaries. But to have such a negative reaction to him even mentioning it? That’s messed up. Not trying to offend… just my opinion.

  13. Let just reinforce that I am not by any means saying that you are a bad person or that you don’t love your husband. I am really trying my best to share a fair honest opinion. If there are things that you wouldn’t dare tell your husband then I would say that he would also need to let go and allow you to be who you are.

  14. First of all I would like to give a brief background. I am 26 my husband is 31, we grew up in the same small town & have know each other all our lives. We just celebrated our 6 year anniversary last week. He has occasionally mentioned having a three some, and I have only said no because I don’t want to ruin our marriage. This is what I’ve heard, it will ruin your marriage. However, I am now considering it. I think that we have a very strong marriage & this would not cause damage to my marriage as everyone says. As a woman, I think woman are beautiful and would not mind sharing my bed with another woman. I know the nature of a man, and understand that including another woman does not mean that he loves this other woman and I would have no reason to feel any jealousy. I want my husband to be happy and satisfied in all meaning of the word, and he wants nothing less for me. I have no desire to have a threesome with another man, everyone is always talking “fair is fair, you get another girl, I get another man”. I don’t think I would enjoy 2 men. I very much enjoy my husband as he does me. We have done everything together & there is nothing that we don’t share with each other. I don’t think that it will “make us closer”, there is no way we can be closer than we are, but I do think it is something we would both enjoy. If it works out and I find another woman we can agree on, I will be sure to post results as to how it affected our marriage.

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