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Evidently there’s a lot of women who are concerned about the very same idea. Well, at least one that I’m aware of.
“Concerned” mother Dr. Wendy Walsh writes an article on the Momlogic site about her reservations regarding allowing a man to supervise play dates with her daughter and a companion.
Walsh states that she recently had arranged for a mother of her six-year-old child’s classmate to take her home from school. Upon finding out that the mother had been held up at work and that the woman’s boyfriend would be picking the children up from school and taking him back to his place (who was also a father) instead, she pulled the plug on the operation stat.
Dr. Walsh states that her utopian idea of a mother or mother-and-father supervisor at all play dates is irrational and often “sexist” but she claims not to care. Her bottom line? She fears sexual abuse — and she feels that the majority of women feel the same way, too.
In her article, Walsh also admitted to having a negative experience, herself, when she was a young girl.
Dr. Walsh continues her schpeel and states that while dads in charge shouldn’t get the bad rep that they allegedly have, it’s up to women to really keep them on the straight and narrow and help them out … that whole village thing.
I don’t know. I think this article is written by a very bitter, damaged woman who has never really gotten over her fears surrounding men. From what I gathered in the article, she’s an unmarried woman who often plays dangerous scenarios through in her head when there’s a possibility of a man being in charge of her daughter’s supervision. I don’t doubt that the woman has some issues that have gone unresolved and that the resulting behavior is not completely her fault, but still … I hardly think it’s the appropriate thing to do to verbally castrate the bulk of men on a women’s website because she had a bad experience when she was younger.
My husband, for example, is one of the best fathers I know. He’s caring, he plays well with children and above all, is responsible. I’d trust forty of our children alone with him and not simply because he could handle it. My father is the same way; my brother and father-in-law, too.
I don’t know. Maybe I’ve been lucky with my experiences in life with men and I should count my lucky stars for that, but I don’t think the right thing to do is peg a man as a pedophile because he’s willing and available to babysit your daughter and her friend. Call me naive if you want; I’m just sayin’.
Personally, I think her article was judgmental, insulting, sexist and stereotypical — all ideas that are extremely damaging to one’s sense of community, acceptance and worst of all: self.
To Dr. Wendy Walsh: I’m sorry you experienced the things you did, Dr. Walsh, but not every man is the man that you had a negative experience with; women can clearly be just as guilty of child sex abuse as men.
Bottom line? I dunno, man … I’d be a little more concerned about whether or not the caretaker was a responsible person rather than what sex they happened to be.
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I read the article and thought her attitude was fearful and downright insulting. And yep I was molested as a child, not to mention my own father was such an abusive fuck of a man that I’m lucky to not cower when I go out in public but that doesn’t mean I fear all men and assume they will assault little girls and boys as soon as you turn your back on them. And her advice of how to get over this sexism was totally shoddy as always being there with your child will do nothing to help calm those fears as you’ll never see proof that all men aren’t rapists if you never give them a chance. Her daughter is gonna be screwed up anyway from always seeing mommy’s fear of men even if none ever touch her. I know this is written poorly and for that I’m sorry this article simply got my temper going so much I can’t articulate worth a damn.
There are some fathers that I wouldn’t let watch my child but that has less to do with their sex and more to do with the fact that I just wouldn’t trust them. There are moms I wouldn’t trust either. Probably more dads than moms but that’s just because they have less experience because I don’t know any SAHDs in real life but most of my friends are SAHMs or they work part time. It’s not that I think any of them would sexually abuse my child, I just wouldn’t trust them to care for him properly.
My parents were always super over cautious about who was supervising at friend’s houses. They were always majorly majorly ramming into my head about being alone with men, blah blah blah.
Perhaps had i told them that my few months older cousin had raped me several times they may have been a little less over vigilant!
I remember the factoid that 60% of child sexual abuse is at the hands of a stepfather/mum’s boyfriend. As a result I would definately not get involved again with a man while my children were small if something happened to my husband! I would totally cut that out of the equation.
I remember one father my parents didn’t like felt up some girls at a sleepover once that I was not allowed to attend, and feeling upset that I hadn’t been able to witness the source of that Monday’s gossip. I think my mother was horrified when I expressed that I felt i had missed out!
The logical part of my brain says that she is a androgynistic , evil thinking bitch.
The feeling part of me understands. When you have children, a fierceness, a crazy-wild protectiveness takes over your body. I empathize, having been in her shoes.
Is this something instinctual? Something way deep in the recesses of our brain, this urge to keep our young safe from predatory males?
I have no freaking idea. But, most cases of abuse of young children that I have seen on the news in the past involved a stepdad or mother’s boyfriend – usually young men, under 25 or so.
I’m not comfortable leaving my daughter with some of my female relatives, let alone males. A co-worker of my husbands keeps asking if he can babysit our daughter. His reasoning is that he misses his daughter (military divorced, his daughter lives with her mom on the east coast) but I would never let him. He is very involved with his church, a friend of my husband’s, nothing creepy about him. My brain just says NO NO NO!
It just doesn’t feel right. I think as parents you have to use your gut feeling as well as your brain.
Thanks, Sarah!
I just downloaded Fake Plastic Trees. I lost a lot of music when I had a fatal hard drive crash, this was one of the songs I forgot about.
Sweet! I love that song … by far, my favorite song of all time. That and probably the Rain Song by Led Zeppelin. I saw Radiohead play a few years ago in Boston and they. were. amazing.
Dr. Walsh’s article seemed very fearful and victimized…
Within one breath (…short span of typing, whatever), she was encouraging moms to accept these single dads and not to trust them with their daughters. Very strange.
But what if the woman was a paedophile? I know it’s rare, but look at that recent case in the UK where the woman was taking sexual photos of those nursery children.
Do you mean -has an adversion to… has adversities to makes no sense.
adversion? Like 3.9? Just kidding.
Aversion.
On a totally random note, I once had a behavioral psychology professor who had a really thick accent (though I couldn’t tell you from where). When she was talking about “taste aversion” it always sounded like she said “taste a virgin.” It made class very interesting.
First: Bitter and Damaged? Yeah I didn’t get that at all. And whoah, way to perpetuate the negative stereotype that all women who suffer abuse are ‘damaged goods’. That’s just irresponsible, girl. You should know better. We all have damage, but we don’t need it pointed out and mocked when we share stories of sexual abuse.
And I don’t think it’s too much to ask to get to know the men who will be taking care of your child. Why on earth would that be out of line? If I had a friend who’s boyfriend would be supervising my girl or boy, I’d demand I know him first. I wouldn’t just trust somebody’s opinion that he was ‘good’. Even your husband, dear writer. You think he’s a great dad. He probably is. But your glowing critique of him doesn’t mean I have to trust him. Why should I?
Now, if you supervise playdates and all goes well and they are trustworthy, you lend them trust. Which is what this article was saying. We need to help single fathers because women don’t naturally trust them. So let’s accompany them and learn to trust them.
My friend’s dad used to watch me all the time. He was a fantastic person. But I could not imagine a world where my parents didn’t get to know him first before sending me there. That would have been downright irresponsible.
Men, by far, sexually abuse young girls and boys more than women. Should we vet women too? Of course! But it’s only natural to go to the most likely threat and be more wary of it.
Parents aren’t superhumans. They cannot detect everything. But I have no idea why getting to know the man who is entrusted with your child’s life is a bad thing.
You’re missing the point, Walsh seems wary of any and all men and warns her readers to be the same way. That’s the definition of sexism.
In case you were wondering sexism actually does work against men, see any custody hearing in America for evidence. It’s virtually impossible to get custody of kids unless the mother is a felon. I know this from first hand experience-my wife moved to an area I can’t afford to live in and I now see the kids about 4 weeks a year. The idea that I should be supervised if their old friends from the neighborhood come over to play X-Box with them is quite repugnant.
Bob, I promise, it’s nothing personal. It all has to do with the numbers. Sexual abuse of girls is perpetrated by men around 96% of the time.
30% of that number of men are relatives of some kind. 60% are aquaintances and the remaining 10% are strangers.
Women can and have done some horrible things… the truth is that men do those things in much greater numbers. In those terms, not all things are equal.
Walsh you need a COCK up your tight anussssssssssssss
Are you the one that Screwed a black COCK
How wide is my your anussssssssssss wendy? Go back to Cacanada
Gross. Who let Kaa the snake comment on this blog??? Go back to the jungle please!