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The normally-conservative Fox News presents something a little racier than it would otherwise: freelance “Sex-pert” Yvonne Fulbright has addressed the tug-of-war that goes on in a lot of relationships: whether or not attending the matinee at a strip club (together, natch!) will reinforce your relationship or tear it on down.
Fulbright currently has a PhD, a Master’s and a Bachelor’s degree and all are related to human behavior, sociology and sex therapy. She has published multiple self-help books regarding sex and has appeared on a variety of Sirius network broadcasts. She also is the in-house resident sex consultant for the Huffington Post, one of my favs.
Fulbright states that going to a strip club with your SO is a positive and healthy activity to partake in. She states that it’s practically built-in foreplay; no physical work need be done! Fulbright also states that a lot of women that she has spoken with regarding the sometimes-taboo topic feel “sexier” when they attend Big Daddy’s or The Grandview with their lovers. It, in their eyes, projects a positive image to the partner that the woman is willing to step beyond their boundaries of comfort and try something new. Doc Yvonne claims that yet another fab reason to go is simply because it’s “fun”, but it’s even better because it adds an element of danger to the relationship — i.e., “I wonder what he/she will do if I harmlessly put the moves on him/her.” The strip club visitation is also supposed to put a worrying woman’s mind at ease.
Personally, I’ve never been to a strip club. I just think that there’s something utterly déclassé about it. I had female friends who, after frequenting the pub all night, would pack it on up and head to the nearest tittie bar. Natch, they’d invite me along since I was with them the whole evening, but after years of hearing ‘no’, I think they started getting the general idea and began to only invite me politely instead of barraging me with pleads and “OoO but it will be sOoOo much fun, Sar!” I don’t view individuals who do frequent strip clubs as smarmy or seedy — I’m a firm believer in “to each, his own.” I’m no prude and I don’t feel that it invites trouble, generally. I don’t consider it “cheating” and there’s nothing about the practice that’s really worse than anything else. Bottom line, there’s something in my moral or ethical coding that prevents me from thinking it’s okay that I visit a strip club. It’s kind of like those that enjoy splatter/torture movies; just something I’d rather not see. In short, if you’re ever out on the town looking for me, I can certainly assure you: if it’s after-hours, you’re not going to find me at the corner “Gentleman’s” Club.
What do you guys think? Is it a huge deal to visit a strip club? Is it just inviting trouble to head there with your lover in either case?
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I don’t think it’s a big deal, and don’t have an issue if my guy were to visit one (though as a regular occurrance I’d be concerned. I completely fail to see the interest as a woman or as a couple though. Sure, I could do it. But no thanks.
Agree with Fulbright! I loooove strip joints. I wouldn’t have any interest in going to one alone, or with my girlfriends, but with a man? It’s definitely the hottest foreplay ever.
Yeah, that is NEVER going to happen.
NEVER.
Strip joints are probably the most classless thing I can think of, and quite frankly, my fiance is simply better than that. He’s turned down bachelor party invites simply to get out of going to those places.
The idea that it would “spice up” our sex life is just silly. I would be greatly displeased at being forced to set foot in the place to begin with, and even more displeased that he would be looking at naked women other than myself. The whole experience would be vastly counterproductive.
I have always been of the opinion that if you love somebody with your whole heart, you shouldn’t have the faintest need to ogle naked people other than them. That’s how my relationship works and it works better than I could ever imagine.
I would be concerned if it were a constant thing, or if I lived somewhere that strip clubs were not look-don’t-touch.
I think your view is overly idealistic. I think that loving someone completely does not turn off your eyes. Humans tend to look, and many men especially are visual creatures. To suggest that simply being in love means they never notice a pretty girl is silly. Hell, *I* notice a particularly attractive girl.
So I’ll agree that if they feel the *need* to go see other naked women, I’m going to be concerned, but if it’s a bachelor party entertainment once? Have at it. My guy came home and said that while he didn’t really see the attraction (never been the kind to go for overt sexuality), he was impressed by the contortioning skills. :)
I have no problem with him noticing a pretty girl out in public, nor does he have a problem with me noticing a hot guy out in public. But we certainly don’t fantasize about them.
As for the strip clubs…well, we were simply raised better than that. My fiance’s parents raised him to be extremely respectful of women, so to him strip clubs (or even porn) are simply not something that has any appeal to him.
Is my view idealistic? Absolutely. Do I hold him to high standards? Hell yes? Does he actually live up to those standards? He sure does. We have a fantastic relationship, so I see no problem with it.
“Raised better than that”? That’s rather judgmental.
Strip joints are not inherently evil. Nor is porn. Nor is noticing that someone other than your partner is attractive. Choosing any of these things OVER your partner, however, is a problem.
Enjoying the nudity aspect of it does not inherently mean disrespecting your partner or the women doing the stripping. On the contrary, nude dancers are worthy of the same respect as anyone else, and if you are in a committed relationship, you simply need to be honest with your partner and avoid doing anything that would upset or offend them. Only if you disrespect them are you truly exploiting them (stripper or significant other). Most of the dancers I have interacted with seemed to enjoy doing it, and clearly it can be good money for them. As long as they are the ones in charge of the situation, I say more power to them. And as far as my wife, I have never hidden anything from her the ONE time I went without her (my bachelor party), and paid more attention to her than the dancers the times we went together with friends. It’s worth noting that had my wife not been EAGER to go, we never would have gone.
In short, it’s whether or not your partner treats you (and other people as well) with respect and fairness, not whether or not they might enjoy occasionally seeing other people naked.
^
“That’s rather judgmental.”
That’s fine. I’m totally fine with being called “judgmental” on this subject.
You do what works for you; my fiance and I will do what works for us. And what works for us is having a complete absence of strip joints, porn, etc. in our lives.
No, that’s really not OK. Each person doing what works for them is fine, but implying that those of us who do something different are somehow inferior in our upbringing is judgmental and disrespectful.
^ Well, I guess you’re just going to have to get over the fact that some people do things that other people find repulsive. That’s how life works. I have a laundry list a mile long of things that some people do that I find particularly unsavory.
“Well, I guess you’re just going to have to get over the fact that some people do things that other people find repulsive.”
This is rather ironic, Sydney, as this is basically what I was trying to tell you. I don’t have a problem with you thinking that strip clubs are generally repulsive, and attending them with or without your spouse is generally a bad idea. In most cases, and for most people, you’re right. What *I* have a problem with is the following phrase you posted:
“…well, we were simply raised better than that.”
This implies that people who don’t have a problem with it, even those who still treat their spouses respectfully in the process, are somehow inferior to you. What’s next in your thought process, that gays are inferior to you as well? Are people with different political views inferior to you? How about people with different religious beliefs? THAT’S the mentality I have a problem with here (being “judgmental” of anyone for being or thinking differently from you), as it comes across as shockingly hypocritical coming from someone posting on a site devoted to Feminism.
^
“it comes across as shockingly hypocritical coming from someone posting on a site devoted to Feminism.”
This is where the problem lies. You seem to think that being a feminist means “being completely permissive of everything that I don’t agree with”.
My parents raised me with certain moral standards which I certainly am not going to apologize for. There are things that in our society that I have serious issue with, and I’m not going to apologize for that either. I’m certainly not going to pretend that I don’t think certain things are wrong when I do.
I actually did this. And was not a fan.
I’ve been to strip bars wtih women. And honestly? Depends on the place. If the woman looks like she’s dancing for milk money I hate it. I can’t stand it. It makes me nothing but sad.
But if it’s more of a Burlesque-type ‘performance’ where the woman clearly put a lot of thought into it (because it’s something she enjoys)…yes. I can enjoy. But only with friends.
With a boyfriend, I just thought…ew. I bought him a lapdance and it was full on grinding and I just…ew. She was kinda gross and the whole thing was gross. And I didn’t want to touch his jeans afterwards. If you get what I’m saying here.
Was not a turn on. For me. Probably was for him, but ew. Gross jeans. Do. Not. Want.
There are few things I love more than burlesque. The music, the costumes, the over-the-top-EVERYTHING– with friends, its the perfect night out (for me, anyway). I actually don’t even put that in the same category as strip clubs for some reason. I’ll probably never go to a strip club.
But burlesque? Oh yes.
That’s exactly what I think. I don’t think I’d go to a strip club with my boyfriend, but I’d happily bring him to a burlesque show! I think that would be more entertaining for both of us, and I wouldn’t feel so…. “ew” about the whole thing.
I’m a firm believer in “to each their own” but I just can’t get past how trashy it tends to be. I’m sure it depends on the type of strip club, too. But the ones around here do not seem appealing.
Honestly, it depends on the people involved. One friend of mine who get remarried had a bachelor party at a strip club, and all of the wives/girlfriends were invited as well. Some attended, some didn’t. Those that did were generally more comfortable with themselves and their partner. It actually turned out to be a LOT of fun for everyone there. Truth be told, most of us paid more attention to our spouses than to the dancers. I felt sort of bad for the dancers in that regard.
But we’re also not a normal group of people. Most people I know would NOT be comfortable in these kinds of situations, and I would not recommend it for most people, especially those who are at ALL prudish or might be harboring any insecurities about the faithfulness of your partner. If your partner is likely to pay more attention to the dancers than to you, then it’s a bad move. Granted, in that situation, you probably should be with them anyway, so perhaps it’s a good (if not terribly pleasant) way of filtering out jerks.
All this said, I would never go to a place like that if it was just my wife and I (in that case, I’d rather just see HER naked at home where the drinks are cheaper, the seats are cleaner, and the music is better). Only in a group where I’m very confident that everyone knows the limits of “how far is too far”.
Stupid typing errors. Should NOT be with them if they pay more attention to dancers than to you.
It completely depends on who you’re with. Some people think it’s all sorts of fun, some people would be offended just by your mentioning it. That’s one thing that always bugs me about questions like this, the answer is different for everyone. There is no right answer.
Close friends took me to a “gentelemen’s club for my 29th Birthday. We had a delightful time. I also dated a guy for a while and we would occasionaly go to one. Once again, had a great time.
As the comments go, totally depends on who your with and what you expectations are. We went just to take a walk on the wild side and have a good time. And that we did.
it nice when your girl friend or wife is open to stirp clubs. It depends on the girl if it is not her thing it is sucide, if she is a little wild or even thought of kissing a girl then it can be a good thing.
another thing if you ever go with your wife or relationship then tell her afterwards how the other women have nothing on you. You will score big points.