Men Fall In Love Faster Than Women — Or At Least Say They Do

2685_1343_a-happy-coupleAlthough women have been themed to be the crazy, clingy ones out of heterosexual relationships a new notion now circulates among popular society.  Reportedly, of individuals surveyed, men generally stated that they uttered “I love you” seven months into a relationship, where the female number was just around an eight-month wait.  While that margin may seem negligible, it’s evidently an interesting finding due to the age-old adage that Oliver James, who was head researcher of the study, reanimates:

“…The classic cliché is that men use love to get sex and women use sex to get love.”

The study was conducted by Stella magazine, based out of the UK, and YouGov, who collaborated with Stella in order to research and report the social findings.

As people agree with the old cliche noted above, and on a related note, why are women notorious for their fast-and-hard-falling ways?  As many women as I have met, only a small fraction of them could be perceived as the clingy, over-affectionate women that historical society believes them to be.  I’ve met more women who were feeling pressured and smothered by the weight of a newer relationship than I could shake a penis-covered stick with.

I think the former notion is silly.  Are there people out there that are fast-falling fools?  Yes.  There are a ton of them. I’ve met them, too.  But my point is that for every clingy woman, there’s another clingy man just waiting for that extra five minutes to choke hug the living shit out of you.



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32 thoughts on “Men Fall In Love Faster Than Women — Or At Least Say They Do

  1. This is totally unrelated,but I really want to post it on a feminist blog. You can get canes and pointers made from bull penis. Go ahead and google it,my grandpa had one. Damn these friday afternoon happy hours are a bitch!!

  2. This has definitely been my experience. I’ve had 3 guys tell me within a week of meeting me that they were in love with me. I’ve heard it explained as at least partly due to the fact that men judge women primarily based on appearance (and hey, you know what a girl looks like right away!), but I think it’s more than that. With all the guys I’ve dated who went head over heels, it was pretty obvious that I was just a stand in for their personal dream woman. They felt they recognized me as “her,” and as a consequence they didn’t really bother trying to get to actually know the real me. I was just supposed to fulfill their fantasies. I think that sense of entitlement to a partner who will fit *your* idea of what’s perfect is maybe more common in men. ‘Course that’s purely anecdotal, maybe other’s have had different experiences.

    • I totally agree! This was just what I was going to say!

      I feel like a lot of men fall in love with an image they have of you. They look at you make up a story about you in their head of who they think you are like. Then they fall deeply, madly in love with the person they think you are, the person they want you to be. After a while, sometimes thats a few month, sometimes that’s years – depending on how vapid and superficial the guy is – they realize that you are different than they thought and think that you changed or that you were not really showing your “true self”.

      When I was younger I had long, wavy light blonde hair. I am also fair skinned and had a very young and innocent looking face.
      Until I met my husband I don’t think I ever met a man who really was trying to get to know me. For some reason men either thought I was innocent and sweet or the complete opposite.

      One time I went out with a guy who apparently had liked me for a while (even though he had never talked to me) and it was really apparent from our first date that we had absolutely nothing, nada, nix, zip in common. He wanted to settle down and have a family soon, I wanted to go travel and be an artist (I was 21!). He wanted to move to the country side, I wanted to move to London back then. He liked country music, I liked anything BUT country music. We didn’t even have a remotely similar taste in movies or TV.
      For me it was clear – we are absolutely not meant to be. I didn’t kiss him goodbye at the end of our date. Still, a few days after our date, he asked if he could buy me a plane ticket to come meet his family.

      He had made up his mind what kind of person I was and that was all that counted. What kind of person I really am was of no interest to him.

    • Interesting. I’ve never thought of a possible connection, or how that might work. I think the focus on appearance could be part, but not all of it.
      I experienced that once too. It was a strange situation where everyone except the guy could see. I never dated him though. He told me he was interested, and I told him I wasn’t. He then fell more deeply with his idea of the ideal, to whom he gave my name. Mutual friends listened to his description and told him it was not me. I listened to why he thought we’d be great together and told him he was not imagining me. But somehow he never seemed to get it. We ended up falling out of contact with him maybe still never quite getting it.

    • Uhm, you just explained, what I’ve been wondering about for ages. It makes sense! I had guys telling me “You’ve changed!” and never could figure out what they meant. Hmmm….

      Anyways, I’ve met several very clingy guys this year. Never experienced anything like it. One wanted me to move to the other side of the country for him. After the 2nd date. Another started family planning. While being on date nr. 2.

  3. Is it just me or does 7-8 months seem like a really long time? I think it was more like 7 or 8 weeks before my hubby and I were telling each other we loved each other and he was my first boyfriend.

    • Were you friends first? I could imagine it being related to the time taken to get to know the person.
      Or maybe you’re just quicker. Or maybe the stats are skewed.
      Come to think of it, it does sound kinda long to me too. I think I was somewhere in that range, and I know we moved very slow at the beginning.

      • Really no. We only knew each other about a week before we started going out and had our first kiss. We did see each other basically every day though, we shared a class and had many mutual friends plus of course we were students so we had oodles of free time. No doubt that made things move a bit faster than a couple that only sees each once or twice a week in the beginning.

  4. My fiance told me that he was in love with me two weeks after we started dating. But by then I was pretty sure we were in it to win it, so it was all good. Yay for love!

    • We said I love you after two weeks, too! And we were engaged after two months. Eight years later, things are still going great!

      • We knew by then too but waited until 9 months to actually get engaged. We were 18 when we met and got engaged a couple of months after I turned 19 right at the start of our second year of university. Apparently the hubby was planning on waiting until after graduation but then we accidentally got engaged just a wee bit sooner and wound up getting married a few days before graduation instead.

        • It was 1998 and we were sitting chatting one night about various and sundry and the topic of leap years came up. He mentioned that 2000 was going to be a leap year and asked if I was planning on proposing to him on February 29th since it’s traditionally the only day that women can propose. I joked “aww, do I have to wait that long?” and the goof ball took me seriously and dragged me down to the ocean because he wanted to propose somewhere more romantic than my crappy dorm room. Got down on one knee, asked me to marry him, and I replied “well I asked first but OK then.” We both knew it was going to happen at some point but it was a surprise to both of us that it happened that night.

  5. “Reality differs” got that right.

    Statistics are always misleading, there’s just so many ways you can skew the data and show different things (take a college course on statistics and see how easy it is). So at a generally accepted 95% margin of error, that means since the study was out of a small (and really irrelevant if someone tries to compare to the general population) 2000 people, 1900 of which can be counted as accurate votes.

    I say the survey is irrelevant just because it is so small a population sample, and so narrow a category. Population of the UK as given by the World Bank is 61,399,118 as of 2008, 2000 of which were asked by this survey. To me, this means the survey is relatively worthless just because it represents such a small minority of people.

  6. Good Lord, I’ve had this experience myself. A guy friend of mine in college, who’d been my friend for a year or two by then, suddenly decided I was “the one”. We’d never been on a single date and had always just hung out together among our group of friends. He came after me with everything he had. Flowers, poetry, the works, and while I was flattered, I just wasn’t that into him. He told me that we could “work it out” and not to worry, that he could “train me” to be the kinda girl he wanted. This freaked me out so bad I refused to be alone in a room with him. Needless to say, we never went out.

    • Good lord! Thank goodness you didn’t go out with him – imagine what he would have done if you’d ever broken up with him…

  7. “There are a ton of them. I’ve met them too.”

    Who isn’t guilty of it? I’m sure you’ve been there yourself! ;)

  8. I dated a guy that said he loved me within two months of dating. I informed him that I wasn’t going to say it back and he told me that he was fine with that. When I finally did tell him around month 4 (which is insanely fast for me) I was saying it mostly because I felt bad. We broke up at month 6. This reaffirmed to me that I am a much slower mover when it comes to relationships then most men I meet, and that saying just because the other person says it is always a bad idea.

    I also went out with a guy that told me he thought that he was “falling in love with me” on the first date. I told him that I wasn’t going to sleep with him, and that’s about where that ended.

    I have a feeling that a lot of men think that women swoon when they hear those three little words, and they use them to get something they want from a woman. Maybe it’s just the general cynicism that runs through my veins, but saying those words too quickly is a recipe for me to make fun of the man, and then peace out. I’m a little on the harsh side when it comes to sweeping, romantic, declarations of feelings. I’m a just a sweet, cynical bitch at heart. Line up boys!

  9. I have been dating a guy for about 1 month now. After 1 week he already had himself convinced that I was the woman of his dreams and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. This happens to me constantly. I was really hoping that this guy would take the time to really get to know me before he dropped the bomb. Now he’s all emotional and cries constantly while professing his adoration for me. For once I would love for a man to get to know me and then fall hopelessly in love with me. I feel like this is a MAJOR red flag but then again, I can’t help but wonder if it’s possible.

    • It may be the people you’re dating? Since this seems to keep coming up I would think it would be a major red flag (however, I don’t know you or the people you date so who am I to say).

      Anyone that tells you after 1 week that they love you is someone to run away from. I’m sorry you feel like guys can’t seem to get to know you first though!

  10. I am guy and I can tell you that from my point of view 7 months is too long. Generally 2-3 months should be enough to fall in love. Of course you need to spend a lot of time with somebody to get to know her, otherwise you might end up with just an “image” in your head.

    I had a girlfriend who was my coworker for a few months before we got together. One day she just kind of “raped” me and said she loved me for some time. Of course I told her that I liked her a lot (which was true) but I can’t just fall in love that sudden.

    Anyway we continued the relationship and after about 2 months of seeing her almost daily I got to know her well, at least as much as she let me know her and I did really fall in love, but it was hard to say “I love you” since I was really shy at that point and I needed to find a moment to tell her which she almost every time managed to screw up with a reference to her ex boyfriend. This went on for another 2 months without me being able to catch that moment. When I finally pulled myself together she said that it is too late now… that she likes me and she likes to have sex with me but she is not in love anymore… after another 2 months of me trying to win her love back she just stopped talking to me never even telling me that she does not want me anymore…

    A few years later I met a girl on the internet, actually she found me on skype and we just talked maybe every other day, mostly small talk. A month later we became close friends and started sharing love stories and such. At this point we exchanged photos and that day we also started chatting with our cameras on. That was the first time we saw each other. We got along really well, we chatted all night and she just started drifting the conversation towards sex. I also have to mention that I did not find her that attractive but I got carried away and since I liked her as a person I went with her game.

    Our chat became really intimate and at some point she just tells me she loves me out of the blue. I told her I can’t just fall in love instantaneously but that I think we might have something going on.

    After another month on video chat she already had me convinced that she is the one and I have fallen in love madly, wanted to marry her and wanted to have children with her. She was extremely clingy, jealous, demanding and even if it bothered me many times I kind of liked being loved so much because even if I could not show her I was that mad about her as well. Finally she has broken down all my defenses and I confessed to her that i was just as willing as her to take it to the next level.

    I did not tell you that we were in different countries and we both were in college in our last year and we could not meet because of the upcoming exams but we still found at least 6-8 hours a day to chat, sometimes we left the cameras on all day and could see each other while we studied.

    When we finally finished with the school I bought a ring and i headed straight to her country to surprise her. When I got there I phone her and I tell her that I am in her city she just freaked out and told me to go home because she never wants to talk to me again.

    After hours of begging on the phone to at least give me a reason she finally told me that she was married and she was separated from her husband because he was always cheating on her but she thinks that he is a good man deep down and will stand by him…

    So here I am after almost 2 years still madly in love with her unable to do anything about it or being able to try with somebody else because it just feels wrong.

    Nobody has ever had such a strong effect on me. Even though we did not meet face to face she was way beyond anyone I have ever met and I can’t let go.

    As a side note, I know about myself that I am a very emotional person but most of the time I just have to appear cold because every time I let my guard down there will be a girl that will break my heart.

    As for some of the ladies here, just because a guy tells you that he loves you sooner than you would expect, you don’t have to think he just wants sex.

    Some of us men actually have feelings and sometimes they can be overwhelming.

    Also you can’t just say there is no way he could know you in such a short time. You would be amazed by how many small details a man can notice and never let you know, how many times he could just “nudge” something so the circumstances please you more like telling that he has had enough ice cream just so you could have an extra spoonful of it or hugging you just so you don’t notice that spider crawling right next to you on the wall or inviting you to dinner saying that he is starving just when he notices from your body language that you might be hungry.

    Bad experiences like mine make many men grow colder and lose confidence and belief in love. So please next time try to at least talk about it before dismissing him because he said “I love you” to soon.

    • Um…ok i think it sounds like you actually do fall in love far too quickly. That’s probably why you keep falling in love with apparently crazy chicks. Although I will wholeheartedly agree that men have a bad rep for wanting only sex that most don’t deserve.

    • i agree. recently, for the first time in my life my coldness and guard was taken down – even though i swore to myself that i am not ready for a relationship etc. i met the girl of my dreams (and i know alot more about her than she thinks – she was a student of mine – it was a good way to get to know her; but she doesn’t know it).. obviously i dont expect her to know as much about me nor have the same feelings, but after trying to discuss my feelings, i scared her away. i so much want to go back to being the cold, emotionless asshole that doesn’t return girls feelings and treats all of them as if they are temporary like everything else in my life. i found this site because i though i was crazy to have fallen so hard so fast (2 months of dating, after 1 month of knowing). and here(foreign country) i have noone else to talk to . its good to get a girls perspective though. i share the same feelings as most of the girls on here do (except obviously mine are about girls who jump the gun). i always tried to explain to girls that i date that i dont want anything serious and then when i move on to the next place, im moving from them as well… sometimes they didnt believe and drop the bomb… i would also run for the hills. i think karma has finally caught up with me, and it sucks.

  11. I believe that men are romantic, and not necessarily in a good way. Yes, they may get swept up and flal madly in love with you. And then if you get married, they may also get swept up and fall madly in love…with someone else.

    Anyone that prefers a fairytale to real life friendship and affection and love that takes TIME to build has a problem separating idealized love from reality. This is the case whether or not you have a penis. However, the penis is very detrimental to a lot of people’s common sense.

    Sorry men, I know that was rude, but that’s how SOME MEN are.

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