This week CNN has an interesting article called “Soul is the ultimate G-spot for happiness.” The article suggests that often we end up in relationships with men she calls Prince Harming (I like to call them Mr. Right Now) who actually provide few substantive contributions to the relationship but may provide the perks of good looks, hot sex, sense of humor, or lots of money.
I was drawn to the article because I’ve spent a fair amount of my adult life recovering from relationships with Prince Harming. Liars, cheaters, or just not very nice people; the surface attributes can hide the ugly innards. What I’ve realized is that each close encounter with someone like this does require a fair amount of healing afterward. The superficial elements that make someone so attractive can often cause deep emotional devastation to those who fall for them. An evil irony: you can hurt far worse from having a relationship with someone with whom you can’t get close. If you achieve true intimacy, there is a sort of emotional balancing that happens if that relationship ends; no remorse for having fallen for a bad person.
Author Karen Salmansohn offers this advice from the CNN article:
With this in mind, if you want to be happy in love, you must take time to see past a guy’s “superficial lures” and look inside his “superinsidehimself.” Unfortunately, those fumes of chemistry can often dizzy a gal into making stupid love choices. That’s why it’s important to remember: Hot, steamy chemistry eventually fades — and what’s always left beneath is a person’s true soul.
Yes, if you want to be happy, you must seek a good-hearted, ethical soul who brings you great growth — not simply a hottie who brings great grope.
And also offers a slight variation on that very annoying advice single women often receive from married or partnered friends:
A big secret to happiness? Stop focusing on finding a Mr. Right! Start focusing on finding Life Plan Right. When a Mr. Potential Right comes along, you must ask yourself if this guy will lead you to Life Plan Right or Life Plan Wrong.