Feature
- Are You Breastfeeding For the "Right" Reasons?
- CarLashes: Because Even Your Car Needs a Vagina
- Would You EVER Take These Sex Tips?
- When Strippers and Churches Protest One Another
- Your Children Are Disgusting Perverts and It's Never Going to Change
- Would You Allow a 14-Year-Old to Get Permanent Makeup? This Mom Did.
- Rapper Cee Lo Green's "F*ck You" Goes All Viral on Women
- Sure, Women Will Have Equal Pay ... in 57 Years
- Miley Cyrus: Not Such a Good Role Model After All
- Where Have All the Masculine Men Gone?
Above find what is perhaps my favorite epistolary opus of the football season (is it football season?), and it comes in the form of 22-year-old Brooke Hundley’s letter to Marni Phillips, the wife of EPSN analyst Steve Phillips, aka the married dude she’d been fucking. Between this letter and her unpleasant and foliage-destroying visit to the family home, Steve admitted to his family and to the cops that he had, in fact, had a brief affair with the ESPN production assistant this summer, before she went all Fatal Attraction on him.
The former Met general manager, whose tenure with the team was rocked by admissions of infidelity, confessed to his wife and local cops that he had slept with ESPN assistant Brooke Hundley several times this past summer before dumping her.
In retaliation, the jilted young woman repeatedly phoned Phillips’ wife, Marni, saying, “We both can’t have him!” an explosive police report claims.
Hundley’s desperate actions — including accidentally smashing her car into a stone column while speeding away from the Phillips’ home after leaving the letter — terrified the family, according to the Wilton, Conn., police report.
“I have extreme concerns about the health and safety of my kids and myself,” Steve Phillips said in a police statement, adding that the woman became “obsessive and delusional” after he dumped her.
But Phillips, 46, declined to pursue criminal charges against Hundley, a Bristol, Conn., woman who cops learned may have used an ESPN computer to contact Phillips’ 16-year-old son on Facebook while posing as a high-school classmate.
Phillips — who admitted having multiple affairs with women while working for the Mets — is now being sued for divorce by his 40-year-old wife, the mother of his four sons. Two months ago, Phillips deeded the family’s five-bedroom, multimillion-dollar Wilton home to her.
So whatever. This girl obviously crossed the crazy line and didn’t look back. But I recall being around 22 years old and drafting a letter to the wife of the man I’d been dating for the better part of the year. Mine held a different tone. “I’m sorry,” I’d written, my tears staining the paper and blurring the ink. “I don’t know you. I thought this would be exciting. It was exciting. That’s all it was — exciting. It was LA and he was connected and these were things I’d never dreamed I would do. Things that were so exciting. I thought I wanted to be a person who did these sorts of things. I do not want to be that kind of person. I don’t want him to leave you for me and I told him not to leave you for me and now I think he’s going to. And I don’t want him. I don’t even want him if he’s not your husband. I never meant for any of this to happen to you. I’m so, so sorry. I made decisions based on childish priorities and short-sighted dreams and you, an adult woman hoping to start a family, are now paying an enormous price. It was never your life I had in mind, not in any way, and I use that as an excuse but it was my greatest fault here. I am sorry for the impact my selfishness has had on your life.”
The letter was never sent. He did leave her soon after. I did not want him. We’ve spoken maybe two, three times since. I think he remarried.
I’d only met his wife once, in an Ikea, accidentally, months before the affair even began. He introduced us. I was kind to her. She didn’t want to look at me. They’d had a fight the night before, I learned later. “I could have anyone I wanted,” he’d told her. “There’s a 22-year-old girl at the office named Sasha. I could have her tomorrow if I wanted her.”
At the Ikea, I stuck my hand out to her. “I’m Sasha,” I said, smiling with 22-year-old lips. I had no idea what I’d done to her that day, and it was perhaps the last time I would gut her emotionally without it actively being my fault. It was the only time I’d do it to her face.
This story — especially the letter — evokes for me this dynamic — the dynamic between the married woman and the much-younger office ingenue. And it’s complex on both levels, and it’s not fair on either. And it always feels like there should be a letter — and perhaps there always should be — a way for both parties to say their piece without being interrupted — but that letter should almost never be sent. You have both done enough already.
Pics of Brooke are in the gallery.
-
-
73
Your tone for this piece is disgusting. Yeah, I get it, you were the other woman, how exciting, but you felt really really bad, blah blah blah. A guy who cheats on his wife is probably a total dirtbag.
I don’t judge my friends for sleeping with married men, although being married I disapprove of breaking up someone’s relationship especially when they have children. If a couple is going to get divorced that is painful enough without bringing another man or woman into the equation. You think being cheated on is bad? How do you think it feels when you have a house and two kids together?
That being said, I find it ironic that the women I know who have slept with married men are the only ones still single in my circle of friends. It’s hard to not to think of them as cursed by bad karma. Which would be funny cosmic payback- sleep with someone married= be alone for the rest of your life.
lemme try this again…did I just read that being single is some sort of punishment for a woman’s failures? (sins). Thanks for attempting to veil some pre 1950’s stereotypes in self-help book aisle lingo, but why hide your true puritanical instincts? Your single “friends” are really lucky they have you throwing mental stones at them from your exhalted position of “married female”. Obviously from this post and 70,000,000 other cases it’s obvious marriage is failing as an institution…time to get off your high horse.
since you asked, no you didn’t read that being single is punishment for a woman’s failures. you read that people who knowingly commit adultery will receive karma per their actions. as will we all. the writer suggests that the karmic payback for cheaters is that they remain alone for the rest of their lives to offset their selfish actions. alice, please reconsider the original comment. it sounds as if you have a defensive chip on your shoulder.
i had a friend who knowingly conducted an affair with a married guy. she said she thought it would be just one night but then they continued it for 6 months. as if just one night was okay. she told me she felt like katharine hepburn and spencer tracy (who carried out an affair for decades, with tracy declining to divorce his wife to spare her that disgrace–HUH?). my friend seemed to feel “special” and enjoy the “secret” of it and the drama. she fits that profile of low self-esteem and cluelessness. she has no self-respect. and she did not take responsibility for her actions or her feelings. the affair was just something that “happened,” a choice someone ELSE made, not something she chose and did, according to her. in her mind, being “chosen” absolves her selfishness; it wasn’t selfish if she didn’t do it, right? she lives her life as though she is a victim and played out the affair as though it were finally some reward she’d won.
i don’t know if even the best therapist can make any sense to someone that delusional.
You are right, I am super defensive about myself and several other amazing, strong career oriented, single women that I know. If I met Sarah and she assumed that I was serving bad karma curse time for my failures …well I would not be happy. I just think that some commenters can only see in black and white. Life and relationships are complicated and morality comes in shades of gray.
Alice, I think you misunderstood me.
I understand why women sleep with married men and men who have girlfriends. No judgement on my part. People cheat and that’s a part of life.
I said it would be funny if you got karmatic punishment for inflincting pain on other people by breaking up their relationships because the author of this piece seemed really flippant about how she was the other woman and I found that sick.
It’s cool when you are the other woman. I’m saying when you are the wife it just sucks and it just really hurts and then yeah, you might want that person who hurt you to be punished. So how you look at this depends totally on what role you are playing. Ok maybe you are the young pretty girl right now getting all pissy at me because I’m saying that’s wrong. Someday you might be the wife who’s husband slept with a 22 years old. And then it’s just want goes around comes around.
You people get to make the world you live in. If you sleep with someone’s husband you are creating a crappy world. The author doesn’t seem to realize that. And yeah, if you sleep with someone’s husband I do think you deserve to get what you give, even though it doesn’t usually happen.
agree!!
There’s a special place in hell for women who knowingly sleep with married men. I’ve known people who’ve argued that it’s OK because if they didn’t do it then some other woman would. Major logic fail there; if nobody did it then who would they be sleeping with exactly? I always ask them if they’re still going to be OK with it when their husbands go out and get a young mistress. Oddly enough they seem think that their husbands should be faithful. Double standard much?
I don’t think it’s a good idea to fuck a married man, and I agree that saying, “if it wasn’t me it’s be somebody else” is a really bad excuse.
But I don’t think the “other woman” is responsible for the actions of anybody’s husband. I don’t think she bears responsibility for the breaking of vows that she never took.
Unless the woman involved is a friend of the wife, she didn’t wrong the wife. The husband did that all on his own. You either forgive the man or you don’t. But you don’t shift the blame to the other woman. Why on earth should another woman hold your marriage sacred when your husband clearly doesn’t?
And I say this as a married woman who has never slept with a married man. I honestly don’t have any particular agenda or feelings of remorse that are coloring my viewpoint.
In fact, I feel a teeny bit sorry for women who are so damaged that they’re willing to chain themselves to a man who will never give himself to them. I feel even sorrier for the woman that gets a man to leave his wife for her. There can never be any security in that relationship.
um yeah, but it takes two, they’re both responsible
Only one of them is responsible for breaking wedding vows.
Alzaetia is the best.
Why is everyone always blaming the other woman? Blame the actual cheater. My god. like men are animals, and we shouldn’t expect them to be able to stay faithful, ever.
Sigh–said it before on tis blog, but I’ll say it one more time:
The other woman has NO RESPONSIBILITY to yur relatioship. Your husband does. Period.
It also demeans men to act as though they are just helpless victims getting picked off by the big bad bitches who are just pure evil.
Blame both. The man should stay faithful, the other woman should find a man who’s actually available. Personally I think that we all have some responsibility towards each other. If you wouldn’t want your husband screwing around with another woman then you shouldn’t be screwing around with someone else’s husband. It’s a do unto others thing, basic human decency.
I definitely think it speaks ill of a woman to begin a relationship with a married man. It’s a harmful thing to do. It harms everybody in the relationship.
I just cannot assign equal blame to a person who took no vows. The only person in my marriage who has signed up for a lifetime of faithfulness is my husband. It’s completely his responsibility to stay true to the vows he took. He’s the person who’s supposed to love and protect me. To assign blame to the other women is to abdicate his responsibility.
I also don’t think, morally, that it is a great thing to date married guys. But I wouldn’t be the one throwing stones at the woman. She is not married. She has not sworn to be faithful to anyone. It’s freaking ridiculous.
Blame the one who actually cheated.
there is no hell
I agree, it’s just a turn of phrase.
*grin* I was wondering about that…
Agreed. You are a selfish whore if you screw a married man. There is no excuse. Period. Same goes for a man sleeping with a married woman. If they are both married and cheating…DOUBLE SELFISH WHORE KARMA!
:)
Hahaha exactly.
This doesn’t shift any blame off of the cheating married spouse, however….grrrr….
The moral of the story: DO NOT CHEAT. Just do’t do it. Ever.
*don’t do it
OK, I will jump into this touchy conversation. Yes, cheating is bad.
I also have been the ‘other woman’…I think I was 24. I didn’t know he was married at first but once I found out I came back. Eventually, my conscience took hold and I ended it shortly afterwards. I google him every once in a while to see if he is still married. He spun a sob story that a young girl fell for…got a girl pregnant in college, thought he was doing the right thing by marrying her, beautiful little girl, don’t want to leave her without a dad. All noble intentions that leave you unfulfilled in the end and he still could have been her dad without marrying her mom. I don’t think the ‘other woman’ ever acknowledges the consequences of HIS actions. All she sees is that a man is saying nice things to her and spending some quality time with her and in this generation, that is hard to find in a younger man…it can be intoxicating to a young girl. Letters are a nice way to vent feelings…I think I wrote one to the man. It is not my business to be involved in HIS relationship. But I agree, the letter should be written, but it should rarely be sent…cut ties and allow these marriages the opportunity to go in the direction they are intended to go without a third party involved. Now that I am married…I have to admit…it worries me that one day Karma will hit me. If it does, I feel that there was something bigger than the affair ruining my marriage.
Buy some prayer beads and hope to god Karma doesn’t rear it’s ugly head.
Seriously? You fell for the sob story? Why is it that perfectly smart and rational women can realize that most men will tell you anything to get you into bed but don’t realize that this fact doesn’t change just because a man gets married? He’s still a man! I have never been the other woman but I have been cheated on by my husband and it is the most painful thing I have ever been through. It shouldn’t matter to you whether or not the marriage is happy or if his wife is mean to him or he knocked her up in college or that you didn’t take the vows, those are all just excuses to be selfish. How hard is it to say hey, i don’t date married men but if you’re so unhappy give me a call when ya’ll break up? I do understand that things happen and that feelings can develop between people regardless of the marital status of either party but it’s just pure and utter selfishness to allow a relationship to progress while either party is still attached. Can someone tell me what would posses a person to want to be with a man or woman that would hurt their spouse and children like that?
wow!
(that’s all I can say)
sasha, you’re fallling into the age-old drama of pitting woman against woman over a man. why play into that? and i agree with sara, your self-pitying here is kind of obnoxious – just because you wrote a tear stained letter to the wife of the man you were fucking – it’s not really “dating” when he’s married, is it?- doesn’t make it any better. we all know the letter is to make you feel better, not her. if you are fucking a married guy, don’t send his wife some bullshit letter – she doesn’t want to be further tormented by reading your deep thoughts on life and love. just own up to that fact that you did a shitty thing, try to learn something and move on…and let her do the same.
I DON’T GET IT.
What is so exciting about dating, sleeping with, doing ANYTHING with a married man? He’s taken, no matter how badly you want him, and if he or you, the ‘other woman’ weren’t complete cunts then you would understand that. The reason marriage is declining so much is because of the rise of retarded decisions made by both immature men and even more immature women wanting ‘excitement’. Being 22 (or any young age for that matter) isn’t exciting enough? Going partying, road trips, friends, delving in to the nightlife and college atmosphere away from your parents not doing it enough? Then Jesus, you must really live a horribly boring existence. No one should cheat, for whatever reason, REGARDLESS of whether or not the person is married. Who cares if this letter is sent or not? The relationship is fucked up, because I’m sure the wife already knew without having to have the hussy inform her formally.
And why. Why would you NOT send the letter? You won’t get pity, no, because you deserve the guilt you feel about it, but if my husband was cheating on me and the asshole woman decided to send me a letter, all the more reason for me to invest my trust somewhere else. I don’t want to be in a relationship where lie after lie is covered up. That’s not a relationship at all. It shouldn’t be a self-therapy thing for you, or the wife. It should be a ‘Yes, I fucked up. I’m truly sorry I have no respect for myself’. And, like snapdragon said, move on like I’m sure the wife will surely want to.
That’s a bit harsh to be using language like that, but I can somewhat understand the sentiment. Woman should have more respect for themselves (in my opinion) than to get involved in another person’s relationship. They could have their own, no need to ruin it for others. And while I do think the letter writing is a therapy kind of deal, it really shouldn’t be done just to make yourself feel better. You knew what you were doing, so suck it up and move on. Should you choose to send the letter, then hope for the best for both people because it’s going to ruin the relationship, but at least it’s the truth. As long as you don’t make the letter a sob story or a mockery, just clean cut and apologetic in a sincere sense.
fabulous post! :)
This is the first time I’ve ever commented on a website. I just have to say something though.
As far as I’m aware of, I’ve only had one friend who had sex with a married man. She was, by far, my friend with the lowest self-esteem. And in some strange way, I think that the fact he was a married man made her feel like she must really be something special. The truth was, the guy would have screwed any semi-decent looking chick who was tacky and trashy enough to have sex with him (and do note, this was a handsome and financially well-off man).
Also, I’ve read several instances where Sasha describes how good looking she is. In some instances where others have mentioned how mediocre her looks are, she has even gone so far as to post a defense about how attractive she thinks she is. Granted, I think she is a talented writer and I genuinely think she is great at what she does, but it seems to me that she definitely has low self-esteem and is average looking, at best. Maybe the meds have helped stifle her insecurities, but they’re still there underneath the facade.
If Sasha had never mentioned she had screwed a married guy, I would still have assumed she was “that type”. Sorry. My mom always told me that anyone can be a whore, there’s nothing special about it. And it’s so true. Even women who just claim they are sexually free as a reason behind their whoredom, I still think the real issue is that they are unable to make genuine, lasting relationships with somebody, and more likely than not, they are horribly insecure about some other aspect of their being.
Point is this: women who sleep with married men are the lowest of the lows and the most desperate among us.
+1
There is more than a hint of bragging going on here.
i agree. if sasha had maybe learned that what she did was underhanded and just plain wrong, that would be one thing. if she said that she learned to have more respect for herself, bravo! but all she seems to be implying is that she could have had him if she wanted, but she was over him by that point, and it was exciting, and then it wasn’t and she wasn’t a total bitch because look at how nice she was to the wife, blah blah …such junior high drama! i don’t think she actually learned anything at all from the experience, except how to write really cheesy tear stained letters.
+3 for being such an asshole. god, jennifer, fuck off a wee bit.
Ginger: I almost totally agree with you . . . Write a letter, sure if it helps you to move on with your life. Mail it? NOPE!! Unless doing so will in some way could prevent loss of limb or life for someone involved in your triangle/quadrangle/whatever angle of a sordid affair.
NB: and adultery is always sordid. Period.
Wow. I just lost so much respect for you Sasha. Are you trying to garner some sort of misguided sympathy from your readers? Because you don’t deserve it. I’ve gathered from other things that you have written that you were never chaste, by any stretch of the imagination. I never would have thought that you were (and possibly still are) a selfish, selfish whore. Not only were you selfish, you seemed to have no respect for yourself either. How pathetic.
I know you are wondering from reading your blog when you will get married. When that special man will come sweep you off of your feet. I hope that special man has a special lady waiting in the wings to cheat on you with. A woman who is a selfish like yourself, who has no regard for anyone’s feelings, and a woman who has no sense of self-worth, and whose idea of an “exciting time” is knowingly fucking a married man and not giving two shits whether or not they ruin the relationship.
Karma is a bitch, my dear. It will catch up with you. Trust.
Very well said…. Agree. With. Every. Word.
Wow, I would have never expected you to be so honest, Sasha. Especially in a post like this.
With that said, no matter the circumstances (unless you clearly didn’t know he was married.. Which you obviously did) that is the lowest of the low that you can go.
Sure you’re in your twenties and discovering new people and things, but boy did you lose a lot of respect from me when you let the cat out of the bag (not that you care, since you have no idea who I am).
But, we all live and learn right?
I agree that age is absolutely no excuse.
I’m 21, and the thought of doing something like that literally turns my stomach. THERE IS NO MINIMUM AGE FOR GOOD JUDGMENT.
Actually I believe age does factor in. When you reach an age like mine (30) you’ve seen people fall – people you love so much. You realize that forgiveness and acceptance are so valuable. If you refuse to develop these qualities you will have no one left to love, not even yourself. Name calling and insults are just plain intolerant and those using words like “whore” and “cunt” are doing womanhood just as much if not more of a disservice. If you want to sound like you’re in the schoolyard forever then so be it.
@Alice, Agreed 100%. I turn 51 tomorrow, and believe me I have loved and lost loved ones. Age can give you more clarity and many more life experiences to base forgiveness and acceptance on. Gosh, I remember my 30’s like yesterday and my 20’s like the day before. Great post.
Age can be a factor, but never an excuse. And for the record, I didn’t call her a “whore” or a “cunt”.
@Sydney, Agreed.
happy birthday, vchilds!
To Sydney: I’m sorry I didn’t mean to indicate you there.
@Alice Thank You! Never could imagine that I’d be this old one day!
Did you mean to indicate that I said it?
Because I specifically didn’t name call for a reason… Lol
Agree– everyone makes mistakes. You learn from them, grow from them and become a better person.
I think some of the reactions to Sasha have been harsh. What she did was wrong, fundamentally wrong; but the man is equally to blame in this situation. Calling Sasha a home wrecker, a whore, a slut, etc what does that prove? How does that further any conversation? You can disagree with this post’s message (I do), you can disagree with what she did (I certainly do), but this overt hostility does nothing. It’s not going to erase her past and it isn’t going to stop adultery cold in its tracks. All it’s going to do is, once again, put all the blame on one woman in an equation of three people.
I am married. There has been no cheating on either of our parts at any point in our history, so I can’t speak to knowing from experience. But it seems to me, as a married woman, that if there is adultery being committed, then something is broken in the marriage. That means that all the players need to take some responsibility. Not every wronged wife is absolutely innocent, just as not every young woman wooed by an older man is necessarily an amoral slut, and not every cheating male is the victim of a cold harsh wife.
“…if there is adultery being committed, then something is broken in the marriage…”
WRONG.
Sorry to break it to you but when infidelity is brought up in divorce proceedings and the people who engaged in it are interviewed, guess what the response was to why they cheated? It wasn’t because they were unhappy, it wasn’t because the spark in the relationship had faded and it wasn’t because they wife had turned into an ice queen and wouldn’t have sex.
Plain and simple, overall, the main “cause” of infidelity, whether it be in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship or in a marriage, is because people are presented with the opportunity to engage in extramarital/extra-relationship affairs. And instead of being a GOOD person and realising that just because you’re given a very tantalising opportunity doesn’t mean you have to take it, they decide to be selfish and engage in it.
Simply, they are just too weak and selfish to NOT cheat. No relationship is perfect by any means, but what I said is the truth. When the movie “Unfaithful” came out, Newsweek wrote a story about how it portrayed affairs. Diane Lane’s character was not unhappy with her marriage. She loved her husband, they had an amazing son, her husband didn’t beat her, nothing was bad or problematic. Yes, she was feeling a little old, but that was it. She engaged in the affair because she was selfish and curious.
Yes, people may be unhappy in marriages and then have affairs, but to believe the majority of cheating happens because there HAVE to be some problems? Well, you have more optimism about human beings than I do.
“Simply, they are just too weak and selfish to NOT cheat.”
OH BROTHER
HOLY SHIT. There are some fucking harsh as hell people here. It’s clearly something that she regrets now and wouldn’t do again. I would never dream of cheating on or with someone, but fuck, how can you guys wish such deep and horrible ill will on someone? I can’t stand when people say they hope such and such happens to someone and throw around phrases like karma… It’s so hypocritical. Cursing someone and wishing such ill will on them is as much as a sin as anything else. It’s really not your place to judge her, unless someone on here has Divine authority (doubt it).
And p.s. if you believe in karma you should at least be aware that thoughts and words are counted just as heavily as actions.
Had to laugh Abbi, we were writitng just about the same thing at the same time. People can be so evil and judgemental at times.
Wow…some of these responses to Sasha’s post are unbelievable. Nowhere in her post does she sound proud and happy of her behavior. I think a few of you need to look in your own backyard, and can you honestly say that you never ever regretted anything that you have done. I give Sasha credit for being honest. How many of you can admit to your past misdeeds?
Part of growing up and maturing is being able to admit to your faults, then do your best to correct them and not do them again. At 22 years old, most of us have made some type of very bad decision that we regret for the rest of our lives.
Yes, going after a married person is one of the lowest things that anyone can do. She harmed the wife and herself with her choices at the time, and the guy is nothing but a low life himself.
But “cunt” and “whore”, and the “bad wishes” for Sasha, wow, be careful of the Karma. And yes, we all live and learn.
I agree with the harshness, but I doubt karma really matters if you don’t believe in such a thing.
um yeah, it does sound like she’s bragging to me
Then you’re kind of an idiot.
Maybe your deepest desire is to sleep with a married man and you’re mad you haven’t pulled it off yet?
i think it is true you can’t break up a happy marriage, but you can certainly help its demise by fucking one of the spouses.
I never, knowingly, slept with a married man. But I’ve done a LOT of other things that I am not proud of. At first, I was thinking–women that sleep with married men are sluts with low self-esteem and I thought about posting that. But who the fuck am I to judge someone just because I’ve never done THAT bad thing? We all do some dirt and have skeletons and I think it’s time for us to stop pointing the finger and open our hands and hearts to one another. There were a few women that were commenting that age makes a difference. I believe that if there is wisdom with that age, it does. And if women with more experience in life would stop pretending that they never fucked up, maybe they could help younger, less experienced women not make the same mistakes. Sit down with your daughters and nieces and friends and talk to them about real shit. How to avoid pitfalls and how to love themselves. Then maybe they won’t be looking for that love in the arms of YOUR husband…Sasha, I commend you for being willing to admit that you made a mistake. Fuck anyone who wants to judge you.
I don’t think anyone is pretending that they’ve never made mistakes. We all have, I can think of a couple of things that I’d rather not have done if I could go back and change them. I also believe that it is the duty of the old women to teach the young women. Part of that is making it clear that this kind of behavior is wholly unacceptable. I know people who actually advocate sleeping with married men and make it sound all glamorous. It’s important that young women realize it’s not the case.
Agreed. The negativity, nTYsing, wasn’t surrounding the fact that she made a mistake but instead about the tone of the article. Yes, no one is in the right place to judge but when you write something on a very popular blog in a style that almost screams rodomontade, a lot of people will be very upset. Every one makes mistakes, always. But you can’t always ride on the hope of people giving you pity for admitting it or even condolences when it’s as serious as sleeping with another woman’s husband.
As Rhonda so eloquently put it, knowledge is the best step in a more appropriate direction.
Why do we need to see what Brooke Hundley looks like, and how are these pictures relevant to this story? Surely a google search will satisfy anyone who really wants to see that?
Agreed.
A zillion pics of her prove what exactly? How attractive/unattractive she is and what a cheater looks like?
Come on now Zelda Lily.. What’s up with the posts lately?
P.s And the new logo/icon of a woman unstrapping her bra with a thong showing?
I thought we were supposed to embrace femininity, not objectify ourselves by being scantily clad? ?
Thong? Where?
There’s an ad on other websites for this blog that shows a thong. I’ve seen it on failblog.org
The only reason all the women on here are attacking Sasha for her post is because they are afraid. Every single one of us. No matter how loving, how loyal, how gosh darn good our man (or lady) is, we are all still scared that one day we’ll find something that proves they cheated on us. Trust me, Heidi fricken Klum gets nervous when Seal goes on tour without her and she’s absolutely gorgeous. And guess what? Sasha makes a handy target because she admitted to being the other woman and I think attacking her personally for that gets way off target of the article all together. But the protective screen of the internet sure makes a lot of people brave, doesn’t it?
Whether you’ve been the wife or the mistress, it’s still the same. Shame, fear and love. The wife is ashamed of people finding out about the affair because the assumption is that she some how does not compare to the mistress or that she’s failed her husband at home. The mistress is ashamed because she’s the home wrecking whore, right? It’s all her fault. They both fear people finding out. One fears the affair ending, one fears the affair beginning. Which is where the love comes in. Love the man, love the sex, love the attention, excitement, security, status, conquest, whatever. Oh, there’s lots of things to love in an affair for all parties. But you know what no one loves? The blame.
Everyone avoids the blame. Both spouses have reasons why it’s not their fault. So does the lover. All of them has the little things they tell themselves that let’s them go on with their lives. And you know what? That’s the right thing to do. Whether your the one cheated on or the one who did the cheating or even the one who helped someone cheat, your life doesn’t end. It is really sad when a marriage or relationship ends because someone cheated, but it’s absolutely horrible when someone let’s that one act define who they are for the rest of their life. Move on. Grow up. Heal and learn to be happy again. That’s the best remedy for surviving anything, least of all an affair.
I can only agree with a few of your comments, unfortunately. First of all, I would like to reiterate that while the ‘attack’ on Sasha has been several times worded in bad taste and anger, I highly doubt any one ‘fears’ anything, and that the same things (albeit in a more less-wordy if not aggravated manner) would be said WITHOUT the luxury of a computer screen or miles in between. Some people can’t afford to be in the same place at the same time, so that argument usually only works for younger folk I feel. (14 year olds picking fights on other 14 year olds because they can, for instance.) However, this site is encouraged to have differentiating opinions and therefor, depending on how you word yourself, will always come off as an attack to SOMEONE.
The issue isn’t the blame game, because if ‘fear’ is your main argument, then wouldn’t it be wiser to use that as the weapon to battle against itself? Again, no one was really attacking Sasha for being the other woman, but rather her tone of the article. This website is supposed to embrace the intelligence of women and by, for lack of a better word, ‘bragging’ about a bad decision, it only gives fuel to a fire of disappointed and in some cases disgusted fans. I’ve noticed recently that the articles on here have either been worded very poorly, or have become a bit of an embarrassment towards what the site is about. It seems to me (and please, pardon my outspokenness for a moment) that recently, the tone of this site has come off to people as ‘crazy women’ who give the actual definition of feminism a bad name. I digress.
Your reply was beautifully written, but I think from an awkward position. I think to fear, you first have to be unsure. As far as I’m aware, no one was unsure of what they’ve posted here the past few days. But yes, every one ‘fears’ being cheated on. Not a lot fear about being the other woman, and if they do then clearly their situation is one of actually fearing the guy (or girl’s) trustworthiness.
This person has just totally unveiled the motivations behind all of the bitchy previous posters.
Reading the comments on this article one could easily come away with the impression that the women posting here are nothing but catty simpletons, without the capacity for real empathy or understanding.
I hope that’s not really the case, and that this person is correct in deducing that they are simply projecting their fears on the nearest target, i.e. Sasha.
I would like to know how it is the spouses fault that he/she cheated on them? In my opinion the only people at fault are the two committing the act. Any excuses given to justify that act are just that… excuses. Nothing makes it okay to cheat on someone or to help someone cheat on someone but you are right, it’s not the end of the world. Move on, Grown up. Heal and learn to be happy again. That is the best remedy for an affair. But until it happens to you, you’ll have no idea exactly how painful and time consuming it is to do just that. I would never wish that on another person.
Thank you for proving Kratsina’s point. You don’t think the spouse should be blamed because you were the spouse. Every spouse who has ever been cheated on wonders what they did wrong, what they could have done to prevent it from happening. Anyone who claims they didn’t is lying. If you never consider what went wrong and accept your share of the blame then how are you ever going to heal the relationship?
No, I don’t think I should be blamed for a crappy decision made by someone else. The only person who deserves blame is the one who made the decision. Considering what went wrong and taking part of the blame are two different things.
Taking part of the blame is part of figuring out what went wrong. How could you possibly figure out what really went wrong without considering your part in it? A marriage is a partnership and the actions of one partner always affect the actions of the other. If you don’t change your actions why would you expect your husband to change his?
I see what you’re saying but you obviously don’t see what I am saying. I never said that I didn’t accept some responsibility for what happened in our marriage. We HAD a very happy marriage, my part in the failure of it was that I went back to school and couldn’t find enough time to work, take care of the children, cook, clean, go to classes AND spend “enough” quality time with my husband so he felt neglected. We had been married for 2 years, I went back to school in August and he started talking to the whore in late September. So instead of talking to me about how he felt he developed a relationship outside of our marriage that lasted a whopping 3 weeks and devastated our marriage and our children. I take NO blame for that. How can I even attempt to address issues I don’t even know exist? It happened so quickly I didn’t see it coming and by the time I sensed something wrong and talked to him about it I was already to late. What I am saying to you is that within the actual “act” of cheating the blame lies ONLY with the two parties involved. You are the only one that can be held accountable for your actions. You can “blame” whoever you want but in a situation like this there where many alternative actions that he could have chosen. He chose the skeeziest most selfish one available and ultimately the blame lies with him for it.
Am I the only one who thinks that a letter to your lover’s wife shouldn’t really start with “Hi Marni”… Um, she’s not your friend.