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MSN posted an article today reporting a significant decrease in the likelihood of marriage for highly educated black women when compared with highly educated white women.
According to the article, in the 1970s about 22 percent of “highly educated” women of both races remained unmarried, while nowadays, about 1 in 5 white women with postgraduate educations will remain single while almost 2 in 5 black women with postgraduate educations will. [Ed: God, that's fucking depressing either way. Take back my MBA, UCLA. I never would have pursued it if I'd understood the true opportunity cost.]
Black women comprise 71 percent of black graduate students, according to author Brian Alexander.
“Their marriage chances have declined,” (researcher Hannah) Brueckner explained. “This may sound trivial but one reason is that they outnumber men in this education group.” The disparity in education is important because Americans have a strong tendency to marry those with equal levels of education, a trend that has only grown stronger since World War II. “So since there are fewer men with the same education,” Brueckner continued, “you either have to find another group you can marry or you are out of luck. You have nowhere to go.”
The highly educated black women are also more likely to remain childless, according to this article. The reasons for this are not just that more black women are single, but because they feel less free to become single mothers due to societal perceptions. “When some white women make that choice it is often seen as a kind of liberal empowerment,” Alexander writes.
But according to (Yale sociologist Averil) Clarke, black women are concerned about looking “ghetto.” Public interpretation of our actions matter for everyone, but especially for black women, Clarke explained. “When it comes to the issue of black women and should or should they not make a choice to have a child alone, these women are very much aware that the decision to do it makes people question their class status. We associate single unwed child bearing with poor African-American women.”
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It makes me really sad that these highly educated women still do not feel confident or free enough to make choices like dating someone of another race or education status or having a child out of wedlock if that is what they want. It does not seem like their education has empowered them much beyond earning ability, and that is terrible.
OR you can go tell Hispanic and Asian men to stop immediately thinking (and outright saying, to my face) that all black women, regardless, are disgusting). While most women pretty much have their pick of whomever, OTHER CULTURES have made it so that black women have three choices: black men, MAYBE white men, and single. It pretty much sucks for dark skinned Asian and Hispanic women too. This isn’t entirely the fault of black women. When half the planet says you’re disgusting by simply existing, choices aren’t exactly abundant.
And for the record, this isn’t bitterness: I’m the daughter of a white man and a black women, and have my pick of white men (I honestly don’t know many black men, which kind of ties back to the article). It’s just a fact of life I realized when my so called friends of different cultures flat out said it to my face. Some black women need an attitude adjustment. The entire continents of Asia, South America, and Latin America kind of do too, though. Oddly, I see a lot of acceptance from European and Middle Eastern men, though….white American men, a bit less, but still no huge issue.
I didn’t intend to imply that it was the fault of black women. I meant that it’s unfortunate that societal pressures are still so intense for them in regards to their personal lives, and that other people don’t consider them free to make whatever decisions they choose. Although, really, most women are probably in that boat to some degree.
Well, the societal pressure I think falls on almost everyone to a similar extent. However, it needs to be said: Hispanic and Asian cultures, in general, DO NOT ACCEPT dark women of their OWN nationalities, heaven forbid of AFRICAN descent. And even assuming that we just narrow everything down to two races: white and black, assume a total 50/50 gender division, and we take into consideration that black women are educated in much higher numbers than black men (and in fact, white women do the same, though with a smaller gap), that means that there are still more desirable women, both white and black, for a much smaller pool of men. Either way, women loose. This problem wouldn’t be fixed with women casting off societal expectations. Rarely do I say that one group needs to fix this issue, but I am going to say that if men both got their asses educated, and stopped holding up bizarre standards of beauty for women, then the issue would be closer to fixed. Yeah, MEN need to fix this one.
White men LOVE sophisticated black women so I don’t know that your interpretation of the problem is correct. I think the problem is that black men for the most part are slackers and are deeply intimidated by educated black females. Black females seem to take education far more seriously than black men. When I was in college the black women in my classes really made an effort while the black men sat on their asses in the back of the class fucking around with their beepers and cell phones, cheating on tests ect. and really just seemed to be there to “hook up”.
I never said that white men didn’t love sophisticated black women. I said that Asian and Hispanic men seem to think black women, regardless of how sophisticated they are, are disgusting simply by existence, so please don’t tell me about my ‘interpretation’ when a) I’ve had it spelled out for me and b) you’ve failed to read what I spelled out for YOU. Which means that saying ‘blah blah blah just interracially date’ is pretty much for naught. Unlike white women, who have their pick of any man of any race, assuming they are reasonably attractive or have some kind of redeeming qualities, black women have had the playing fields narrowed down CONSIDERABLY. And when you consider that fewer black men in comparison are desirable, that pretty much means that black women have SOME black men, and SOME white men, in comparison to any other race of women (since no other group of women is seen as universally unacceptable in any culture) who have men of ANY race.
Syd your comments make my head spin. If you ask around, most men prefer women of color to white women. White women are viewed with hostility by most races. I don’t recall ever having heard a hispanic or asian person referring to black women in such deragatory terms.
Bull. Fucking. Shit. I don’t know where you get these lunatic ideas. I have been told to my FACE, multiple times, and have been ‘justified’ that it’s cultural. If I am ever viewed as attractive by a Hispanic man, he has to JUSTIFY himself by saying that I’m not really black so it’s like he’s with a dark skinned white woman. Hell, most Asian countries can’t handle it if people (mostly women) of their OWN nationality dare get a suntan. Blacks as a whole are seen as untrustworthy, and the women just disgusting. If men ‘prefer women of color’ (give me some evidence to back that up, please. Because you saying it doesn’t make it so) it would be Hispanic or Asian women. Although you seem not to get that the world isn’t divided into ‘white’ and ‘not white,’ so you may not have noticed that black and Asian ARE NOT the same thing.
But please, go ahead, deny what I have been told and know to be true. It’s a complete lie that light skin is almost universally favored in this world (thank you, colonialism!) and that extends to women, especially of African descent, much more.
Please. Go up to a dark skinned Indian woman and tell her that she’s more persued than a light skinned or white woman. I bet the LOOK she’d give you would kill you before she could even say anything.
Syd I don’t know who these assholes are that you hang around with but every white man I know wants to bang Hallie Berry in the worst way.
I don’t know very many white men that want to have sex with black women. That is just a fact.
Here’s a not-so-scientific example. Back at the begging of the year, I went to lunch with a bunch of other senior mangers from work. There were about 7 – 8 of us and I was the only female. Everyone else was a white male. Somehow the question came up, “If you weren’t married or otherwise committed, would you sleep with a black person?”. Every single guy said “no way” in no uncertain terms, while insisting they weren’t racist and how they voted for Obama, etc. I was the only one that said I date guys based on who they were and not the color of their skin. That said, I have never dated or have had sex with a black man. I just don’t know very many…
What Lisa said. I know MANY white men who have flat out said to me ‘I’d never sleep with a black woman…except Halle Berry.’ Halle Berry is ONE WOMAN, they use the SAME excuse they use when checking me out, and it’s not like Halle Berry is the only celebrity that men will collectively bang. The is, however, the only or one of the only black ones (Beyonce is one more who comes to mind and….yeah, no one else. I could give you an extensive list of Hispanic and Asian celebrities, and an encyclopedia of white celebrities).
And still, we aren’t even talking about white men. White men, as a group, I have had no issues with. It’s Hispanic and Asian men who use their ‘heritage’ as an excuse, but have no issue going after Hispanic, Asian, or white women who aren’t of their culture.
One of my best friends is black (she’s a Kenyan immigrant) and her husband is white. They’re very much in the minority though; the only other black woman I know with a white spouse is married to a woman. They met online and arranged to meet but she was sure to tell him the color of her skin before she did because she’d had dates with white guys before who just rejected her because of the color of her skin.
And I wouldn’t group ALL hispanic cultures into not being attracted to black women. Puerto Ricans like the black ladies. In fact, on my mothers side (the puerto rican side) the majority of the men are married to black women.
Fair point. I’ve had no issue with Puerto Rican or Brazilian men (although calling Brazilians ‘Hispanic’ isn’t exactly accurate). However, in places like the Dominican Republic, where many people ARE black, it is worse than Mexico, which is rampantly notorious for racism against blacks.
I just wanted to drop in and see what was causing this comment shit storm, but I’d figure I’d just drop in my two cents: It’s not that white guys aren’t physically attracted to black women less than other races, its just that black women are stereotyped as being “sassy” (a.k.a being a complete bitch out of hell.) This is really more of a class/ cultural thing than a race thing. I know lots of white guys that date black girls but the girls are always either upper class/mixed race/ from another country.
Lori, don’t feel sad for us. As an educated Black woman, I do not want to have a baby out of wedlock because I have high morals, not because I lack confidence and as an educated woman it is an intelligent choice. I don’t want to date out of my race because I prefer someone of my own race, but I will date someone who doesn’t have a graduate degree.
It’s because SO MANY MORE black women are educated than black men. Black women on average earn more than anyone BUT white men (and that gap is huge, but still….).
As a black woman, I was actually considering turning this story into Zelda Lily for you guys to write about it. I will give my opinion on this, which includes many of my experiences.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve always believed that black women were the most unmarriageable (Not a word, but I’m going with it.) Here is my reasoning and like I said earlier, it all has to do with my experiences.
White men marry white women. White men marry Asian women (there is even that whole fetish thing). White men marry hispanics. White men don’t really say anything mean about their women.
Hispanic men marry hispanic women. Hispanic men marry white women. Hispanic men marry Asian women. Hispanic men don’t really say anything mean about their women.
Asian men marry Asian women. Asian men marry white women. I can’t say much about whether they date/marry hispanic women because I have not seen very many instances of those.
Black men marry white women. Black men marry hispanic women. Black men marry Asians. And black women may date and befriend black women but they are marrying non-black women as opposed to Black women at a great pace. And many black men, even famous ones are known for talking about how they don’t date “dark, black butts” (Jibbs) how black/white mixed babies are “prettier” (Singer, Neyo) how Black women are difficult (Wesley Snipes) how they’re too loud (Wesley Snipes) how we’re controlling shrews (Taye Diggs)…
It goes on and on. Most fathers of black mixed race children are black. I would not say it would be unusual to find a black mom and white guy, but they are in the minority. There is a dark vs light-skinned “civil” war going on in the black community that people outside of it do not realise.
All I can say is that as a full-black woman, it’s not that our men hate us or something, it’s that they aren’t dating us as much. Look at the NFL and NBA. The majority of the places where you will find “successful” black men. Aside from Shaq and LeBron, most of them are married to non-black girls. And there are so few of these “Successful” black men. Many are incarcerated, on their way to prison and the others, not educated enough for us or driven for us.
I’m very fair skinned and I am constantly being put down for it being told I “need color”. White seems to be a dirty word these days. All the whiteys are running around browning themselves to look dark and wearing weaves because it’s cool to be black so I don’t get this black men hating on their own thing. It sounds more like they hate themselves and just project it on you.
Saying that you need to get a tan is not akin to saying ‘we love black women.’ No weave you put in or tan you get will make you look anything close to black (seriously, have you ever seen a black person? Based on your incredible ignorance, I’ll wager NO). You are an idiot and need to be hit with a shovel. Just because everyone doesn’t fall over themselves to get to you, and might say that you’re pale doesn’t mean they all want to be with black women. It means they want to be with white women with slightly tanner skin.
What’s with the hostility Syd? All you do is come here to bitch and whine about how much your life sucks because of your race and how everyone is out to get you. Guess what? No one gives a shit. White people aren’t sitting around plotting ways to ruin your life. Get over your self imposed victimhood and change what it is you don’t like about yourself, stop blaming others.
Says the girl who insists that black people have in infinitely better than him because she *gasp* isn’t tan and thinks (absolutely falsely) than black women are more desired than she is. You’ve gone on to whine about how every man hates you because you are pale, yet deny racism that is slapping you in your stupid face. Hell, you think white people get weaves to look black, when it is BLACKS that get weaves to look like they have WHITE hair. Hostile? Maybe. But when faces with the mind boggling stupidity that you spew out, it’s HARDLY difficult to be hostile. But then again, for someone who is so immensely priveledged as to have the most offensive thing they’ve ever had to deal with is being told to go out in the sun for five minutes, I can understand that you are too sheltered and ignorant to appreciate how racism affected people who ACTUALLY have to deal with more than the most minor of slights.
I didn’t whine about men calling me pale, I whined about Bitchy women calling me Pale. Wow, you really like to twist people’s words around don’t you?
Syd you don’t deal with racism, people don’t like you because your attitude sucks. There are millions of minorities in this country who have no trouble attracting the opposite sex so if you do then either you have B.O. or your defensive attitude is such a turn off no one wants to be around you. You don’t sound like much fun to be around.
Frondi: If only bitchy women call you pale, then why were you using that as evidence that all men hate white women in favor of black women? That isn’t me twisting your words, that is you pulling a ‘BAWWWWW pity me’ card where it is totally unrelated and me assuming that you were on subject. Sorry for me assuming you were smart enough to stay on topic, my bad.
Willis: Fuck you. You don’t know my life. Want to deny the Holocaust while you’re at it, geeze!
“If only bitchy women call you pale, then why were you using that as evidence that all men hate white women in favor of black women?
Actually you are twisting my words around because I never said that. I said that a lot of white guys I know prefer women of color. Virtually every white guy I come across is either attracted to a latina or Hallie Berry. And don’t tell me you’ve never seen a white person acting black, like HELLO…ever seen a Wigger?
No. You said MEN PREFER WOMEN OF COLOR. Then again, you are so FUCKING RACIST AND GOD DAMNED STUPID that you think that Latina and black are the same thing you that it’s okay to talk about people ‘acting black.’ Go to hell. God dammit, I can’t BELIEVE people like you are allowed to walk around, ALIVE, breathing air and being such a waste of space and resources. You are an ignorant, racist little twat, and nothing you say can change that. You are the type of person in the world that I hate more than ANYTHING. GO. TO. HELL. YOU. IGNORANT. LITTLE. BITCH. Come back talking to me about Halle Berry and people ‘ACTING BLACK,’ you racist bitch, and SEE me get angry. You are what is wrong with feminism, and why racism still exists. Maybe THAT’S why all the white men prefer Latinas over you.
ummm…weaves are worn primarily by black women who want to have “white” hair, like beyonce. white women have weaves to make their hair longer, not because it makes their hair more “black.” just thought i’d point that out.
So basically the white women want to look like the black women who are trying to look white. Well I’m glad we got that sorted out.
That is really not true. Most Black men are still married to Black women, but the ones who are not are the ones that are shown all the time in the media and that is why we think that. Black women have to stop supporting media, shows, advertising etc that do not support us
And please do not tell me that I am exaggerating. It’s almost demeaning for someone who has not lived the life of what is being discussed to scoff at what is being said. You cannot fully understand it. And yes, it may sound outlandish. But tell me this, how come it is the light-light, not full black looking girls that make any countdown for “most prettiest” or “most sexiest”? And not, it’s not because there aren’t many black actresses and therefore no public recognition. Most of the girls on this list: Gina Carano, Chan Marshall, Moon Bloodgood, Tricia Helfer, Yvonne Strahovski. These girls are not recognizable/household names. BUT they are mostly of European descent and if not, they are light looking. Therefore, they fit what most guys want and find attractive.
This issue has nothing to do with black women refusing to date outside of their race. The plain truth is that they love their black men. That is what they are extremely attracted to. And there should be nothing wrong with that. But when our own men don’t want us, and everyone else doesn’t find us attractive, we start getting discouraged.
I am happily dating a white guy and could not be happier. Maybe I was more open to it because ever since I was eight, I grew up in a predominately white neighbourhood, therefore, I was more open to it. But I cannot tell you how much I would hear guys tell me how pretty I was, but no one would date me. In my experience if a white guy, Hispanic guy, Asian guy….if they saw an okay looking white girl and a pretty dark-skinned black girl, without even talking with them, the white girl would win out most of the time.
Our own men are gravitating away from us and the others…well, most of the time, they are not our type. I’m not saying this is the rule, I’m a living example that non-black men can date black women. All I am saying, is that we are few are far in between.
“I cannot tell you how much I would hear guys tell me how pretty I was, but no one would date me.”
I can tell you the same, but in my case it was because I was too pale, intellectual, and capable of taking apart and putting back together just about anything mechanical. Consider that it may have been because you were smart and independent, not because of skin color.
My (very dark skinned) sister is married to a Mexican guy.
But they are at the same education level. (not much)
I think it’s possible to interpret the fact that more educated women remain single as meaning that many of these women don’t feel as constrained by societal norms to get married and have kids. The original post sort of spins it as, if they’re unmarried, they must want to be married and can’t. Perhaps they have a fulfilling career and don’t need marriage to feel complete, perhaps they are in long term relationships in which they don’t get married. It could be, in some cases, they feel more free to buck the system instead of following the “need to marry and have babies to be a fulfilled woman” norm.
J.M., it was nice to see a post which acknowledged that it is not necessarily outside factors that resulted in the numbers purportedly provided by “some study”. Women of any race, culture, religion, or educational background or level may choose their own fates; not every woman desires to be chained to the kitchen, bedroom, or changing table. When a person chooses education as a goal or lifestyle, he or she naturally accepts the opportunity cost associated with that endeavor. The higher the education level achieved, the less time spent on trivial matters of dating and procreating. Honestly, I look at my married/divorced, child-bearing counterparts, and I say, “Thank you, Lord, for allowing me the foresight to NOT go down that road!”
We all make choices, and we all have our very personal reasons for doing so. Studies such as these do not (and will likely never) take into account all of the variables for the “phenomenon” of unmarried, childless women!
Interracial Amour is a new dating service where professional and collegiate white men (non-black men) can search exclusively for sophisticated black women. In other words, the chase is on for beautiful black women. Visit us at http://www.InterracialAmour.com and read our recruiting campaign announcement.
Thank you,
Interracial Amour
Or you could click on the AfroRomance link on this site. Hehehe. I’m sorry, but that name cracks me up!!!
That just makes me queasy. Any dating service that matches up type A with type B just doesn’t sit right with me. White men looking for black women or beautiful women looking for rich men or whatever, it’s just weird. I can just about imagine looking specifically for someone of my own race or political belief or religion or whatever but specifically looking for someone different at the exclusion of others just doesn’t sit right, it’s almost like a fetish thing.
I just want Brad Pitt, is that too much to ask for? Ok, I’ll settle for George Clooney. My fetish is hot looking 40 somethings with all their hair. :)
You said you’d look for someone of your own race; how is that any different? It’s okay too look exclusively for your own race, but looking specifically for someone of a different race makes you ‘queasy?’ THAT doesn’t sit right with ME.
I wouldn’t specifically look for someone of my own race but I can see why some people would because it can be very hard to be in a mixed race relationship or have mixed race kids, particularly in certain areas.
So if a white guy asked you out and said that he only ever dates black women that wouldn’t bother you? I know if a black guy asked me out and told me that he only ever dates white women I would be uncomfortable with that and I certainly wouldn’t sign up with a dating agency that only accepts white women and black men.
It would bother me if he said he only dates black women. I am not saying that the idea of it being a fetish doesn’t bother me. I am saying that it is disturbing you think that it’s okay to say ‘I will NEVER EVER date a person outside of my race,’ but not ‘I will NEVER EVER date a person inside of my race.’ Frankly, from my side of things, I think anyone who won’t date outside of their race for the shitty reasons you’ve given is undeserving of love or children. It’s HARD? Oh, grow up…I grew up mixed race. Sure, it’s hard. Everyone’s life is hard, you should date who you love. The attitude you’ve given is exactly WHY race continues to be an issue in this country. Sure, the ‘totally not racist’ person says they won’t date outside of their race because it will be easy (seriously, what kind of relationship have you been in that was EASY?). Then they say to their kids ‘don’t bother chasing that black girl, your life will be too hard’ or ‘what will happen when you have KIDS? You might actually have to MAKE AND EFFORT TO EXPLAIN THEIR HERITAGE TO THEM, HOW COULD YOU DEAL WITH SUCH DIFFICULTY?’
Point: it’s DISGUSTING, either way.
There you go being extremist again Syd. Just because someone doesn’t wish to date outside their race doesn’t make them evil, that’s just who they are attracted to just like some men only like blondes or redheads, or women with big tits. It’s personal choice. How many midgets turn you on? I guess you must be racist against midgets.
Oh I know what you mean. I’ve been out with guys who then tell me they only like dark haired white boys, and it just makes you feel like they selected you not because of how funny/smart/interesting or individually attractive you are, but only because you were available and fit their “type.” It’s really weird.
Hehe. Kinda the way Hef’s girls have to feel at this point.
I really don’t see the appeal. Take race out of the equation (since it’s a big hot button issue in this thread) and replace it with religion say. If a catholic said they’d only date catholics I could understand that but if they said they’d only ever date non-catholics that would strike me as odd, particularly if they haven’t left the church. I know race and religion are quite different things but still, saying you will only date people who are in a different demographic seems out and kinda self-loathing to me.
You come from a mixed race family, have lots of white friends, and have date mostly white men. Clearly you live in a more tolerant area but there are still plenty of places where that sort of thing gets you beaten or killed. I know if I’d married a black man I’d have been cut off by half my family (my granda is horribly racist and his kids are all the type to say they’re not racist then come out with something that just makes you want to smack them) and I’d have been the talk of the town for months. I know one woman from my town who married a black guy and people still refer to her as the girl that married the black man years later.
If I’d fallen in love with a black guy I would have dealt with it. I don’t bother with half my family (the race issue is just one of their many issues) and I never had any intention of staying in the town as an adult anyway.
I am not attracted to blonde men. That doesn’t mean I will NEVER date a blonde man if he otherwise meets my standards. If someone said to you they’d never date a woman who had small breasts or pale skin, you’d probably throw a hissy fit. But if someone is RACIST (yeah, fucking racist, that’s what that is, no matter what your spoiled, sheltered bullshit life would have you believe) it’s okay? Yeah. Right.
And no, midgets don’t turn me on. But anyone too shallow to think ‘maybe I can be in a mature relationship with someone who doesn’t make me cream my panties just by existing’ is too shallow, immature, and stupid to be IN a relationship. If I fell in love with a blonde midget, well, I guess I’d have to deal with that. Not everyone is so shallow and stupid to only ever consider dating someone they have a fetish for.
*Yawn* What “spoiled” life are you speaking of? You know nothing about me. The fact that you think all white people have some free ride through life speaks to your own racism and self hate. You are obviously not happy in your own skin to be acting like this so maybe you should consider some counseling to help you focus on what’s important in life. You’re constantly whining about “privledged” white people and everything being some big racial plot against you even on fluff pieces about fashion and what not, it isn’t normal. Everyone has challenges and problems in life Syd and yet you’re making all these baseless assumptions about people based on your own predjudice against light skin colors while at the same time proclaiming yourself some victim of a racial conspiracy.
When did I talk about white people? I talked about YOU. My prejudice against light skin? Every man I’ve dated save one was WHITE. My father is WHITE. Most of my friends are WHITE. Do you know why I don’t say these things to them, or to any of the other white people here? No,because they aren’t filthy racist cunts. That would be YOU.
You’re obviously intent on the “poor me” victimhood so why don’t you just do the world a favor and jump off it? People like you make me sick with your endless excuses for your own failed life.
Interracial Amour is a new dating service where professional and collegiate white men (non-black men) can search exclusively for sophisticated black women. In other words, the chase is on for beautiful black women. Visit us at http://www.InterracialAmour.com and read our recruiting campaign announcement.
Well here you go Syd, give em a call!
Psh. You’re just mad that I stole all the cute little Aryan men from right under your pale little nose.
Your post is racist.
You’re also mad that I look good when I tan. :P
Oh my goodness you guys, stop it. I am more interested in what people have to say about the points I made. We have already concluded that yes, white people tan and that it’s actually Black women who get weaves so that their hair looks whiter as opposed to “all the whiteys are running around browning themselves to look dark and wearing weaves because it’s cool to be black”
Do you guys have any opinion on all I wrote? I am just curious because I wrote an article on this for my school newspaper and it would be great to have formed opinions about my points.
Thanks :-)
This is in reply to Lisa who wrote that her white male co-workers insisted in no uncertain terms would they sleep with a black person. Ok, Lisa, why would a conversation about sleeping with black people come up during lunch just out of the blue? Apparently it was on somebody’s mind. I’ve heard of this scenario many times. Many white men who claim that they would not sleep with a black person are liars. Why else would they insist in no uncertain terms and bring up voting for Obama? It’s not like there were black people around to cry racism. It was a coverup to make their lie believable. White men are very concerned about their white privilege and don’t want to say anything that would jeopardize that regardless of how they really feel, especially in a professional setting. I am not saying that every white male wants to sleep with a black person because that’s not true, but don’t take it as face value when you hear white males vehemently denying that they would not sleep with a black person. P.S. They didn’t have a problem with it 400 years ago.
Maybe there are some white men who would never go black but I think most white men would if they met someone they found attractive. I think mainly they are turned off to people who act “ghetto” meaning low class, icky cheap hair weaves, slutty clothes, long fingernails with art ect. I think most black men are turned off to that too so I see it as cultural not racial. I also don’t buy this “white privledge” business, I think white men are just sick and tired of being beat over the head for things that happened in the past that they didn’t do.
Syd and Frondi, you both are actually right. You have to remember that this country was built on racism. Therefore, there are going to be some nonblack men who will not date a black women simply because of the stigma attached to it. But at the same time the country is making progress because there are men who will date a black woman sincerely. Syd, I think when you focus on the negative so much, then that is what you attract. You can’t change people’s perceptions. The only thing you can do is be positive, take care of yourself and not worry about other people’s attitudes so that you can attract the person that’s meant for you.
Hi Shani, thanks for commenting. It’s always refreshing to hear from someone with a reasonable perspective.
On a side note, don’t you think that a lot of this has to do with the black man’s self hate? On the one hand many black men walk around with this supreme arrogance giving the impression that they have self esteem when in reality it’s a cover for a lack of it and this wanting to date white women business is part of that. Do you agree?
Shouldn’t you be off ironing your white sheet or making a cross to burn in someone’s front yard?
*grin*
Lol, oh lord…
It’s in the washing machine Rhonda. Idiot.
I swear you and Syd would argue over a ham sandwich.
I would have thought you’d have an extra for laundry days.
Why on earth would I argue over a ham sandwich?
Well you’re fat aren’t you? Maybe I should have said you would argue over a pint of Haagen Daz
How dare you?! Ham sandwiches are perfect, why would anyone argue over them? YOU’RE HURTING THE HAM’S FEELINGS, GOD DAMMIT!
LMAO@Syd. Well it’s nice to see you have a sense of humor Syd. Sincerely.
The only thing I could fight to the death over is a Reese’s peanut butter cup. :)
I don’t eat ham or ice cream. I would fight over a plate of steamed broccoli though and have before. The offspring and I should not be expected to share veggies, it just leads to trouble. I won’t be fighting you over Reese’s either. If I’m going to eat chocolate it’s going to be good chocolate, life is too short to eat crappy chocolate.
i’m always puzzled when people say “i wouldn’t date a _____ person.” seems like that is leaving out a huge percentage of the population, one of whom could be “the one”.
I won’t date anyone who’s fat. I’m sorry but I don’t want obese kids.
Well the good news is that nobody fat wants to date you. The bad news is that a sizable percentage of skinny people won’t want to date you either if you start mouthing off about fat people because chances are they have a fat friend or family member that they’re quite fond of despite their less than perfect appearance. Your best bet is to find someone else totally shallow who judges people based on their dress size and then hope that you don’t lose your perfect figure as you age.
Obesity is genetic, what’s wrong with wanting to weed out bad genetics? I’m sure there are plenty of defects you don’t want in your gene pool miss high and mighty.
No it’s not. It’s inherited insofar as it’s a learned behavior, but not it’s genetic.
That’s not what the medical community says Alzetia. Fat parents have fat kids. I don’t want my kids looking like Rhinos. Sorry. Being fat is a hard life.
I’m a 28 year old Black man. I’m a graduate of Howard University with an advanced degree. I make well into six figures. And I’m married to a beautiful Black woman. And there are others.
Sadly though, throughout my dating years, I did feel a bit of pressure from many of the Black women I dated to commit — and to do so fairly quickly. I believe that many of them were well aware of their lack of marriage prospects while I was in graduate school, and projected their sense of urgency onto our interactions. It’s a turn off.
My advice generally is to learn to let go of this craving for marriage as an institution. Personally, I didn’t have any expectations for marriage before I became involved with my wife. I focused on being happy with myself and my relationships more holistically (ie. family and friends). I firmly believe that coming from a position of neutrality made my decision to marry my wife much more clear than it would have been if I were in a panic about a ticking clock and lack of a ring. I married my wife because I want to spend the rest of my life with HER, and not because I have some fixation on “being married”.
So while it may sound cliche’, I would suggest that Black women truly try to find some inner peace and self-fulfillment. You shouldn’t need a man to feel complete.
I agree.
That’s easier said than done. You simply don’t understand the pressure society puts on a woman to marry. Every time a woman dates a halfway decent guy the parents go nuts with the marriage fantasies not to mention the biological clock. You can have a kid at 80, women cannot. Though your post has merit look at the flip side of things, being a woman of any color is NOT easy.
Meh I don’t agree with ALL he says, but he’s got a point. In grad school (assuming you went right after university), there still really isn’t any hurry, at least not the way many women put it. You’re like 25 in grad school. People get married at any age, and most women can have babies well into their 40s. I’m a woman, and maybe it’s my age, but I still don’t think that I need to be scoping for marriage and baby-making prospects. I mean, I think ten years from now is a good time to settle down. Also, this obsession with ‘having babies.’ Really, we have enough babies. If for some reason you don’t get married RIGHT THE FUCK OUT OF COLLEGE, and your biological clock ticks out, well, adopt a baby. There are plenty of unloved babies and children rotting away in the foster system, why not love them?
Keep in mind that it’s notoriously difficult to adopt if you happen to be single (not to mention hellishly expensive). A good friend of mine really wants kids, but she isn’t in a relationship and doesn’t know if she ever will be. I’m not sure how she feels about donated sperm, but I think she once mentioned that it kind of weirded her out.
ANYWAY, I’m not trying to be argumentative, but I just wanted to point out that the magic solution of “just adopt!” isn’t always feasible for everyone.
Well, that was more aimed at the ‘OH NOES, I DIDN’T GET MARRIED WHEN I WAS 16 SO NOW I AM TOO OLD AND DECREPIT TO GIVE BIRTH WOE IS ME’ types as opposed to people who happen to be single and unable to adopt. No, it’s not feasable for everyone. But it would be a lot nicer if people weren’t OB-SESSED with their own genes and making a ‘perfect’ baby so they could relax and let their relationships take natural course instead of jumping into things just because they ‘need’ to push babies out.
Syd my point is that families are responsible for the pressure. I don’t know how you were raised but in my family if you weren’t married with a kid by 25 people thought there was something seriously WRONG with you. Ever see the movie “Educating Rita”? That was my family.
For one their are more black men in college than this statistic said.Black men really made more money than black women not black women making more thats second.Third most nba and nfl players are married to black women not white women lol you really think they are all married to white women you need someone to sit down and talk to you smdh.You have had black men that created college institution and plenty graduate from college.I bet this comes from a white male lol the statistic thing just like they say mix kids are the fastest grown people when black women have more kids than other races of women.Black women have been going on talk show like riki lake and jenny jones show in the 1990’s and saying bad thing about black men.
Black women talk about good black men dating outside their race so it makes it hard for black women.Funny these same good black men talk about how they were rejected by black women so now they marry women of another race all the time.How can you complain about being single but reject men that talk to you and wonder why your alone saturday nights and grow old and lonely and become very bitter anwser that question?
WATCH THIS VIDEO
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtpBo0vWHpc&feature=related
this is why some black women are single the truth
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQNhE16mpgU&feature=channel_page
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckUR0Usmm4w&feature=channel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tx3q0LMbWO0&feature=channel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gp8CIAlEbvM&feature=channel_page
As a classically handsome black lad,I wouldn’t grant a fat broad of ANY race,creed or colour a second look-or the FIRST look if I can help it.I LOVE buxom blondes and they
can’t seem to resist me!!!!
amen-ra,you sound like a fat black broad to me.
@Lisa a group of white men will sit around the table and say they would have sex with a black person…but when nobody is looking….