According to my own friends that I, myself, surveyed (and I still kind of think that there are some people who aren’t ‘fessing up honestly), just about half of them admitted to participating in a casual sex encounter.
I’ll speak candidly: I, also, am part of that high statistic-ed number. Whatever. Judge if you want to, but it is what it is. Despite what women are supposedly “made out” to be, sex is just that sometimes.
SEX.
A new study from Brunel University in London shows that men and women differ greatly on their standards for casual sexual encounters. While men are more likely to engage in said practice, they appear to discriminate less. Which is to say, not at all. Approximately nine hundred students were surveyed throughout the US, Germany and Italy. The subjects were interviewed with various questions, rating their responses on a scale from one, being least likely to engage in a specific activity, to one hundred, being most likely. Students were asked questions such as if they would be likely to ask an individual out on a date, take them home or best case; bed them.
According to the study’s outcome, regardless of the questions asked, men were more likely than women to accept all three requests. While men scored on average a 46, women’s tastes held firm at an even 4.
An interesting note of reference which was quoted in this study:
“Such choosiness for short-term sex could be explained by the so-called good genes hypothesis, in which women, for instance, prefer guys who show some feature indicating strong genes that can be passed down to offspring, say the researchers. ”
This, science aside, I’m going to put a big, fat ‘no’ upon. Again, my aforementioned notion of sometimes sex is just sex once more comes into play. If I’m seeking out a one-night stand, it’s because I want just sex. I’m not looking to perpetuate a set of good genes by bedding the hottest stranger I can find. I’ll reserve that for someone I’d want to invariably start a family with, not some high-end barfly from the pub.
While it’s hardly surprising that men are less discriminating than women when they choose who they’re bringing home to the sack that night, it’s mildly disturbing that women are pegged with the acidic stake of bedding a stranger because she wants to repopulate the world with attractive spawn.
Men and women alike: sex. Is sometimes. Just sex.
I agree in that it has very little to do with our supposed genetic urge to reproduce. The last thing on ANYONE’S mind during a one night stand is procreation, so I think that’s pure crap, and an example of people falling back on tired stereotypes when they fail to come up with better explanations.
I read about this study a few days ago, and had a convo about it with my roommate. We both agreed that, although casual sex is becoming more and more socially “acceptable,” for both men and women, women often find themselves needing some sort of justification for doing so. In college, I went through a pretty promiscuous semester and even though I’m not necessarily proud of having a few booty calls here and there, I always tell my friends: Look, those guys were gorgeous. And when it comes to sex, all I want is physical attractiveness. If I’m going to jump in bed with someone and forget about them the next day, I don’t care about personality or emotional compatibility or, in this case, their potential as a the future father of my children. I want someone hot. I can’t have a one night stand with someone I don’t find particularly attractive. Most of my girlfriends are the same way. Even the ones who don’t or have no engaged in a fling or two think the same way. If you’re going to do the dirty with a stranger, why would you do it with someone who wasn’t really good looking? It’s shallow but hey, so is casual sex.
I think the difference is that men just want sex with someone. Women want sex with someone hot.
I’m all for casual sex. I kept meeting one partner ( a friend) secretly, for just sex. It eventually became a relationship ship, and the sex seemed to have gotten even better!
I must be super old-fashioned, but my personal belief is that sex should be between two people who are very much in love. Like, for me personally, I would rather have oral surgery while being having the Twilight novels read to me than have sex with someone I wasn’t in love with.
Ugh, “being having”? I’m not even sure what I did there.
Sorry all you ‘casual’ people out there. BTW what is this word ‘casual’ we are throwing around? Is this the word whores use to describe their sex habbits because it makes them feel better about what they are doing?
I suppose if you need it that bad, boink away. What happens when the condom breaks. That does happen you know. I have a very lovely 7 year old daughter that proves accidents happen. So think about that while you are out having your ‘causual’ encounters. Think being on birth control will solve all of your problems? How about – Will you be adding to another STD statistic?
How about having some pride and self control. Buy a damn dildo or find yourself a significant other if you need it THAT bad.
LOL!
Sorry, Mommy.
Why are you so judgmental?
AHAHAHAHAHAHA I love this post. Funny and kinda true. Why do women who profess to be feminists give up their body so easy?
Because we like sex. It’s not something we do for men. It’s something we do for us. We’re not “giving up” our bodies. We’re using them to bring ourselves pleasure.
Yep—why do women who claim to be feminists think women who like sex are bad?
Why not to each her own?
You keep your nose outta my vagina, and I’ll keep mine out of yours.
This study is not “pure crap”. If anything it is very much in-line with decades of research that demonstrates differences in selectivity between the sexes when it comes to sexual encounters. At the same time it does not directly refute other research as to the power of sex as a method of social cohesion and facilitation of bonding.
Until fairly recently, sex was so intimately tied with reproduction (pun intended) that pregnancy was likely to occur as a result. Through technology and education, we as a society have been able to tease apart this connection and thus many people throughout the world can have sex in a purely casual way using different methods of birth control. However, this does not mean that the motivations behind sexual urges have been changed in a way that is commensurate with the changes that technological advances that we have been afforded.
Throughout most of human existence (and through-out most of the animal world) males have far more to gain and far less to lose in random sexual encounters. Females on the other hand had a suite of differences in what a casual sexual encounter might bring. This is reflected in the relative choosiness found between the sexes.
Cultural influences shape how these essential behaviors are manifest, but beneath all of the color and texture of these social constructions remains the foundations laid in our evolutionary past.
We like to believe that every and all of our choices are purely existential and that some how the behaviors of human beings are separate and distinct from the biology and evolutionary histories behind them as if we were ex nihilo poofed into existence.
Sydney, that’s not old-fashioned, it’s just your view, & that’s totally fine – while others, including myself, may not look at sex the same way, we of course respect your opinion & lifestyle. My only problem is when people refuse to do the same for hose of us who do enjoy casual sex.
I agree witht he article completely – sometimes sex is just sex. I don’t do relationships, & don’t intend to for a while, as I’m at a place where I just want to work on being happy myself, & feel that a relationship might make me focus to much on letting someone else make me happy. However, girl’s got needs. So I do engage in casual sex, either f buddies or one night things – not incredibly often, & I’m always responisible about it, but yeah, that’s my sex life at the moment. And I love it. Both myself & the guy involved know exactly what the situation is, so no-one’s emotions are being played with, & I feel incredibly uninhibited because if I don’t want to see these guys again, I don’t have to.
Now, while these kind of statements have been made by men forever with no response more serious than an eye-roll, somehow because I’m female I get judged so harshly. I’ve even had guy I was hooking up with make judgemental comments about my sexual appetite. Hello – if I’m having sex with you, you’re doing the same thing, why is this worse becasue I’m a girl??
To deny that women have purely sexual appetites & claim that for all women, sex is about love & procreation is to deny our sexuality, & let men continue to – excuse the pun – be on top.
I love casual sex. Why should it be a bad thing? I don’t understand…
Me either.
Then again, I’m the girl who lost her virginity on the way home from school at 14.
I don’t have casual sex nor think it’s such a bad thing, but having sex with someone who I’ve known for a few hours or who I don’t have a solid relationship with doesn’t necessarily float my boat. I’m one of those people who think the best sex is that between two people who love each other, so why would I want to waste my time doing it with someone who I don’t? But hey, if that’s what you enjoy it doesn’t bother me, though I’m someone who doesn’t practice it or completely agree with it and it shouldn’t.
“the best sex is that between two people who love each other, so why would I want to waste my time doing it with someone who I don’t?”
Because it still beats tv! *grin*
Eh, I beg to differ. I really like TV. And personally I’d prefer that over a one night stand or what not. I guess it’s just that I don’t measure mere physical pleasure as much as most people do.
I’m with you. Frankly, the idea of having sex with someone that isn’t the man I’m madly in love with repulses me a little.
To me, having sex with someone you don’t love is kind of like buying a super expensive Couture dress and then going out and doing yardwork in it.
People call me crazy, but that’s just my humble opinion.
Agreed and on the whole simile note, to me having sex with someone you aren’t in love with is like chewing food for the taste of it and spitting it out once you’re done. How is that getting the full experience of how beautiful sex can really be if you’re only relying on the “taste” of it. And ditto on the “that’s just my humble opinion”.
Too much sex is bad for the soul. Unless of course it’s with someone who really loves you.
That’s assuming people have souls. If you mean for a person’s psychology, that’s debatable. Too much sex may be bad for some people, but for the majority of us it’s just fine.
Lies. Those are all terrible lies told to you by the fairy tale machine. Sex is beautiful on its own.
Love is something completely disassociated from sex.
“Love is something completely disassociated from sex.”
Be that as it may, some people (myself included) choose to not to take sex so lightly. For me, it’s a very special and intimate act that I couldn’t share with just anyone.
No matter what the circumstances, I just couldn’t be someone who gives it away like free cheese and crackers to any Joe Schmo off the street.
I am also one of those people who believe sex is whatever you want it to be. If you are in a relationship, sex can be about love or intimacy, or sometimes it could be about just sex. However, I’ve never met a woman who had a one night stand and was looking for love and the opportunity to pass on some great genes. No, they were looking to get a great lay.
I also don’t believe sex belongs exclusively in the sanctity of marriage. I had a female boss ask me if I wanted my daughter to wait until she was married to have sex. My instant reply was, “Hell no”. She couldn’t believe me. I tried to explain that sex isn’t a moral indicator for me. Sex is a part of nature and life and NOTHING to be ashamed of. She seemed to think my response meant I was going to encourage my daughter to have sex at a young age. Once again, hell no.
I have already had the sex talk with my daughter (she’s 8) because she asked. Her father was mortified. I was like, do you want me to lie to her and tell her babies come from a stork? No, I refuse to make sex seem silly (stork story) and dirty (only bad girls have sex before marriage) for my daughter. I’ve explained the absolute importance of being an adult capable of making adult decisions before losing her virginity. I was honest about having sex in college for the first time, and I told her I absolutely would not accept her having sex in high school or God forbid, junior high. She knows perfectly well that sex causes babies and I’ve tried to explain that high school or younger is too young to fully understand the consequences of sex. As a woman and mother, it is my responsibility to raise my daughter not to be ashamed of sex while ensuring she understands the consequences.
So, for you adult women out there, go forth and screw without guilt or reason if you so choose. Just be sure to wear a condom!!!!
I really like the way you handled “the talk” with your daughter. That’s probably roughly the same thing I’ll say to my children in the future.
I didn’t end up saving myself for marriage, but I did wait until I was an adult and had found the love of my life (whom I will be marrying in a little less than a year), so I’m perfectly happy with my choice.
I started having “the talk” with my daughter at an early age too. Sex is just not taboo in our home.
We’ve discussed the wrong reasons to have sex (he’ll love me more. it’ll save our relationship) and the right reasons (actually already in love. horny)
I’ve never attempted to forbid her, or suggest that I can control when and who she has sex with, mainly because I’m afraid of that other bad reason to have sex. (rebellion)
I just try to impress upon her that sex is for love or fun. If it’s not either one of those, don’t do it. If it is either one of those, go right ahead.
And always use a condom!
Thumbs up. Well said.
My goal in life is to never have The Talk with my son. He’s only 3 but he’s already had a couple of questions and I’ve answered them in age appropriate terms. I’m hoping that he’ll have a reasonable grasp on the concept by the time the playground rumors start and that he will know that sex talk is no big deal and he can ask me anything. He will get the information though because the vast majority of my sex ed came from school and American high schools can not be trusted to give reasonable sex ed in most cases. My mother just told me that sex wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
When I was choosing his big boy bed I debated between a twin and a full but decided on the full. I wanted to get him a good solid frame that will last him till he leaves home and I figure at some point he’s going to be bringing a girl home. Hopefully not until he’s at least in college but still. One of my friends asked why I bought such a big bed and was shocked to hear that I’ve actually considered the possibility of my little man having sex some day. I refuse to be one of those parents that freaks out at the idea of their kid having sex in the house. That freaks me out a lot less than having the police bring him home and he’s caught with his pants down in the back seat of a car!
His future sex life is part of the reason my son is uncut. People freaked out when I said that too.
You know what’s really fun? Bringing that up during childbirth class. We were the only couple having a boy so the instructor asked if we were getting him cut to see if she needed to cover the post-op care and we said no. She was about to go on to the next topic when one of the other dads got all belligerent and asked why we wouldn’t do that, like we were horrible future parents for not having cosmetic surgery performed on our infant sons penis. Ten minutes later he was pretty damn sorry he asked! Hell hath no worry like a crazy hormonal pregnant lady who is told she’s going to be a bad mother. As we were leaving the teacher asked to have a word with me. I thought maybe she was a bit irritated about me interrupting the class but no, she just wanted to tell me how totally awesome I am ;-) She’s allowed to present the facts and state her opinion but she’s very anti-circ and can’t say half the stuff she wants to so she was psyched that I did it for her.
Haha! Awesome.
My brother didn’t circumcise either of his two boys. I have mixed feelings about that. I have been with uncircumcised men and it makes absolutely no difference to me. In fact, it seems that uncircumcised men have more pleasure; that is just my personal experience. But, I know how bitchy and stupid some women are. I hate to think of my nephews being made fun of over something they really couldn’t control. That is a difficult call and I’m really glad I didn’t have to make it.
^ Ditto.
I told my fiance that if we ever have boys, that decision is ALL his. He (my fiance) is circumcised, and it hasn’t seemed to cause him any loss of pleasure. But I told him right off the bat that that will be a “daddy decision”.
It’s crazy. I’ve had women tell me that my son will never get laid because no woman in her right mind would sleep with an uncircumcised man. I just tell them that I wouldn’t want him dating a woman shallow enough to require her lovers to have cosmetic surgery on their genitals.
I’ve been also told that I probably have a STD because I’ve presumably slept with uncircumcised men since the vast majority of British men aren’t. Where do people get these ideas and why on earth do they think it’s remotely appropriate to say things like that to people?
“Hell hath no worry like a crazy hormonal pregnant lady who is told she’s going to be a bad mother”
hahah! love it
People like that have no idea what they’re missing out on. Seriously…foreskin is the best thing ever.
It’s like if men started demanding women have female circumcision. It really is a barbaric tradition. They should seriously force parents to wait until the child can give consent. It’s only because circumcision is part of some religious traditions that it isn’t outlawed as non-consensual sexual mutilation, which is what it technically is.
I completely agree with you b-pard.
We’d like to think that we are so far removed from our animal nature, but really, it is a driving force between so many of the choices that we make.
Yes, I have casual sex, one-nighters, etc, but unlike my guy friends I am WAY more discriminating about it. I don’t even care if we hang out in the morning, nevermind wanting to have his babies, but I am much more likely than my boys to say “that one’s not putting his penis in me, thanks”. And if I were to get close, there is SOMETHING in me, an either “meh” or an “ick” reaction, even if these are perfectly nice, clean, attractive men. Can’t say why exactly, but it’s a gut instinct, one that actually cockblocks me sometimes. My chemicals tell me “nope” even when my vagina is like “c’mon…so bored…he’s a DOCTOR WITH A HOT TUB! ”
I don’t think that the study is say ing that women WANT to reproduce, merely that biology and all those crazy chemicals we have no control over are doing their job.
Biology DOES care about genetics, even if our brains don’t, and you can’t fight science (Looking at you, Creationism)
I don’t think the study is saying that women consciously look to men who have some desirable feature that they’d like to pass on to offspring. It’s just that our instincts take over, realize that sex is the goal, and then try to pick out the most desirable man to do the deed with. It’s all subconscious.
Well and good for all you ladies, all I see in casual sex is an increased opportunity to provide a loving home for an opportunistic social disease.
Seriously. If I don’t know I want to have a long-term relationship with someone they look like a walking crab factory to me… bleh.
*snort* at crab factory!
I think more that the good genes theory or whatever it has to do more with the fact that
1. you have conservative morals regarding sex due to upbrining or religion
2. (my case) you don’t have fun because the times you have experienced it most guys sorta didn’t realize there’s another person in bed, you know what I mean…
Um, hello? Did anyone consider that these students are “student” age, when the guys are somewhere around their sexual peak? I was choosy about my (limited) # of sexual partners when I was in college, but now, at the extremely horny age of 39, I want to f– just about any penis which crosses my path! I don’t think this study’s findings should represent anything other than university students’ ideas about casual sex. I’m quite confident that if the subjects studied were middle-aged males and females, the results would be very different.
yeah, woman tend to look at sex at a different point compared to men. but still, sex shouldnt be something casual. maybe eurasians are more open to casual sex, but generally asians are more conservative. from a guy’s point of view, casual sex may be a form of pleasure and they have nth to loose. but for a girl, its loosing one time of self esteem. i heard this once from a friend. guys are like pirates and girls are like islands. guys should conquer as many islands as they can, while girls should protect themselves and avoid being conquered. everyone has different views rgd sex. maybe its due to the different upbring values and environment that we live in.
It’s gotta be cultural. I am not an island to be conquered. In fact, the sexism of that statement makes me cringe. Yup. Still cringing.
How is it sexist? He’s just being truthful. Casual sex has more of a price for woman than a man both in terms of physical and emotional consequence. I really don’t get what any woman finds appealing about letting some anonymous stranger put his hands all over her. Are you some kind of a animal that you can’t control your “urges”?
If you don’t see the sexism in the “pirate/island” analogy, I’m afraid it’ll take somebody with more patience than myself to explain it.
I’ve had casual sex, and I haven’t suffered anything from it. Not emotionally, not physically, and certainly not ill treatment by anybody I care about.
In fact, I’m now a happily married, completely monogamous woman who enjoys loving, trusting sex with her husband. It’s definitely different than casual sex, but I don’t regret the casual sex that I’ve had in the past.
“Casual” is not the same thing as anonymous. And “letting” isn’t the right word anyway. I have never “let” a man or woman do anything to me.
I have, however, encouraged them…
Yeah, how did “casual” sex somehow turn into “anonymous” and “offering yourself like cheese and crackers to any Joe Schmo on the street.”
That is just hateful language.
No one has referred to remaining without sex as “frigid, prudish, anal-retentive chastity belt huggers” or something equally extreme.
I don’t know if it’s name calling or if people out there still genuinely think that casual sex= anonymous sex, but it is all such damaging language.
And yes–before it is inevitably pointed out–I know some people DO have anonymous encounters, men and women alike. But tht is not the norm, by and large and extreme members are never a fair sampling of a given group.
Now that said: IS there anyone out there who offers free cheese and crackers to all the Jo SChmos on the street? How does that work? Do you, like, carry around a cooler, or…?
“How does that work? Do you, like, carry around a cooler, or…?”
*laugh!*
You’re awfully obsessed with language Zelda. You seem neurotic.
Well my degrees are in linguistics, and I’m still employed in linguistics and languages.
So yeah, probably.
Now I’m not an expert in psychology, but I don’t know if you’re using the term “neurotic” correctly*…
*is totally teasing
And Angie seems like a stuck-up bitch!
I really have to wonder why some people get so offended by the private behavior of others. Is it because you’re jealous of how much fun they’re having or what? I honestly don’t understand how it affects you at all.
So how are we defining casual sex? I’ve only had sex in the context of a serious and monogamous relationship but to me you’re either in a relationship or you’re not and if it’s more than one or two one night stands then it’s a relationship. You might know their name but if it’s a one night stand you probably don’t know much more than that.
I guess anonymous sex counts as casual, but I personally define casual as sex with somebody who you may or may not call afterward.
I guess I’d personally define it as sex that is not part of an exclusive and/or romantic relationship. Most of my casual sex relationships heve been with pple who were friends of friends, people on my radar, who I know are not psychotic, and who I find attractive. Or those people who start out as a date or two, and then you know it’s not going anywhere romantic but do have sex.
I do not randomly hook up with “any Joe…on the street”, nor do I “let guys do stuff TO (me)” There is more to sex then doing things just because men want you to do them, and that is what those two comments suggest to me. So yeah, it’s pretty offensive to hear. (I know you didn’t say them rhonda–this is just responding to your q)
I’ve tried the one-nighter thing, and didn’t really care for it (they DO NOT TRY when they know it’s a one-night, making THAT a waste of time that could be spent with a sex toy IMO) But hey, if everyone is consenting and getting theirs, cheers.
That said, I completely understand why some people wouldn’t be comfortable in any of the above situations.
I happen to be fine with it.