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Hey, there! We need to talk. So, I was looking through some new photos of you on Facebook from Kerri Anne’s 25th birthday party and I noticed you were doing something weird with your face. Yes, your face. You were also squishing your entire face to one side like you had just suffered severe brain damage and could only eat by drinking through a straw on the side of your mouth. You were also throwing up a “west side” gang sign — didn’t you grow up in Connecticut? Did you think that was supposed to look cute?
Look, I get it. I know how annoying it can be to go to parties or places with your friends and someone inevitably brings out a digital camera and asks you to take photos with them. What are you guys supposed to be, a group of 8-year-olds celebrating a birthday party at Chuck-E-Cheese? You don’t want to be “that girl” who always goes into a beauty pageant pose whenever a camera is taken out and you don’t want to smile because you looked at a photo of yourself smiling a few months ago and you looked like you belonged in the cheesy author photo of a self-help book. And yes, I know you think that by contorting your face you are somehow making it look slimmer/younger/cuter, but you just kind of look…ridiculous. And it isn’t just you, we have all fallen victim to the “goofy face” before, as plenty of college-era Facebook photo albums will show. But the things is, if we don’t stop this horrid disease, it will overtake us all. Women everywhere will be making weird faces whenever a camera is taken out. Everyone will be able to spot the women in a corporate convention photo because they will be making a kissy-face and throwing their eyes to the side. Hillary Clinton will start taking photos with world leaders while holding her finger between her teeth and looking seductively at the camera. How can we be taken seriously when we resort to such dumb faces in our photos? That is why I think we need to take action against the “goofy face” movement. After the jump, find out the four faces that shall forever be banned in photos of women over the age of 18.
•The Lindsay Lohan (see: above): This is the face that is favored by young women who think of Playboy as a career goal. The namesake pose of noted actress and Hollywood tranwreck, Lindsay Lohan, consists of holding a single finger to your lips or teeth which are parted in a vaguely sexual way. We suppose that LiLo is sort of owning her “Lawn Guyland” trashiness now, but anyone who is not Lohan and is doing this pose looks like both a fool and decidedly un-sexy. 
•The Kissy Face: This is a classic amongst the “goofy face” set. It has as many dedicated followers as it does detractors. Its origins are mysterious as is its popularity. This is the face that is usually favored by girls who wear lycra tops and travel to bathrooms in packs. The kissy face often happens in groups of twos or more but it has also been spotted on lone operatives (see: right) who make you realize that the face looks exponentially more ridiculous when it is only being done by one person in a photo. While I have heard that many women do this pose because they think it makes them look like they have cheekbones, I think it makes them look like sad sacks who never got the jokes in Zoolander. Seriously, this face needs to be stopped.
•The Point n’ Bray: This is a face that is favored by women who think of themselves as “funny” or the “unique” one of their friends. Unfortunately they never realized that this go-to pose is neither funny or unique, in fact countless Facebook photos of Freshmen at UC Santa Barbara will prove that this pose is all too overused. The pose consists of opening your mouth so you look like you are a braying mule and then pointing at something, anything. The pose can sometimes be mixed up to look like a subtle neg on the person who is being pointed to (see: right) or an attempt to look confused. This is also a pose that has crossed over to the menfolk as well, making them look like complete, randomly pointing assholes just like their female peers.
•The Gang Sign: Why do people do this pose? I mean, it is seriously mind-boggling. It has become so overused that it has become a meme and it has never, ever made any woman look more tough or “wacky” (see: left). Even actual gang members are kinda over throwing up gang signs in every single photo. I have to admit that in my high school years I thought this pose was cool. I was so different! And, hey look, I can do the “blood” sign! Now I am a bit wiser and embarrassed that I ever thought to throw up a gang sign when my photo was being taken (and also: everyone knows how to do the “blood” sign, it isn’t rocket science). Hopefully as the “tag me!” Facebook photo generation grows older, they will realize how dumb this pose is.
I realize that I may not be the most photogenic person bloggin’ away (see: my bio photo) but I have learned an antidote to the “goofy face” pandemic that is sweeping across women’s faces in America: sit up straight and smile. Seriously, your mom was right! I don’t mean that you have to flash your pearly whites in every photo, but doing even a slight smile makes literally everyone look better. It’s science. Or whatever.
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I was always annoyed by the peace sign.
I’ve banned my daughter from throwing a peace signs in pictures.
I’ve promised her she’ll thank me in 5 to 7 years…
The fact that those girls are ’so gangster, yo’ while their signs are backwards is giving me loads of entertainment.
Agreed. More (if not all) women should don their best sex face in every picture. Rosie O’Donnell and every woman over 60 excluded.
I hate the peace sign and kissy face. Blech.
I can’t believe you managed to find a photo of Julia Allison AND iJustine making ridiculous faces TOGETHER. That’s just famewhore overload.
I HATE iJUSTINE.
that is all.
Investigative journalism! You get what you pay for.
dear god i think i know the girl on the far right in the gang sign picture. LOVE IT!
But my face is just like that…
As the father of two soon to be teenage daughters I thank you for pointing out the stupidity in these poses. Personally I blame Miley Cyrus and her kiss face and peace sign for ruining nearly every picture taken in my family for the last year.
Whatever happened to a smile?
The Japanese brought in the peace sign :X
As for the finger in the mouth pose… you do know the managing editor’s picture is like that?
Yeah, mine is notably missing the “vaguely sexual” aspect, though.
true enough, but my point stands.
Ahaha Omg Gina, you are so right!
That’s more of a “thinking woman’s” pose, IMO.
Right…
I am so over guys throwing up the shocker in every picture.
I don’t see anything wrong with the peace sign, but LiLo’s top is awful!!!!!
It’s actually pandemic, my fb’s contacts (most of them from Argentina) are doing the exactly same faces, except maybe the gang ones…
I really hate the peace sign. It seems to be a kind of poser thing, and really pisses me off when someone throws one during a group photo (ditto with gang sign). However, I feel like when I’m with my friends I will occasionally make a silly face. I’m not throwing a gang sign or sticking my finger in my mouth, but I will sometimes stick my tongue out or purse my lips as a joke. I do it only in situations where its okay, for example, a girls night out (cheesy, I know). It’s just a little awkward when everyone’s goofing off and having fun, and then you see the weirdo girl in the corner of the picture, holding on to what she perceives as “proper” and posing with a nervous, tight and fake grin.
The kissy face pics DRIVE ME NUTS!!! All these young girls trying to be so “sexy”. Go do something to further your future and stop trying to make everyone “want” you.
Or you could just chill out and let women make whatever the hell faces they want to. They’re just having fun, get over it.
You’re a kissy face girl, aren’t you?
I totally agree with you though. Zelda Lily is usually a hit with me, but this kind of pissed me off. I don’t do kissy faces, but let people do whatever they want with their faces.
I guess it’s one of those things, like, you honestly don’t care how some people show up in pictures, but it’s like you need to make sure the people you do care about know exactly what they are doing. That sounds weird, I know, but it’s like I want to forward this link to everybody so they can see how it’s possible for bad pictures to be taken of good people.
Also, if you cover up the bottom half of Lindsay’s face it just looks like she’s really, really angry.
I love you for this post. People like iJustine make me want to scream – they’re not geeks, and they’re not really women. They’re attention whores who have figured out how to use the Internet to stroke their egos and show off their overpriced Mac hardware.
I personally have dubbed the “kissy face” the “fellatio face”, mostly because the vapid idiots who make such a face are more likely to do anything a man demands of them, since they’re incapable of standing on their own two feet and thinking for themselves.
If you hate ijustine… check this out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ey1i9_aatCo