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A recent article published in Esquire magazine features Jennifer Love Hewitt spouting little gems of intellect and pearls of wisdom regarding what men “don’t know” about women. After reading this list, my faith in JLH was renewed. To me, she was no longer a washed-up child “star”, faux spokeswoman for healthy body image worldwide, the self-righteous braggart of boobage or the crazy, finicky chick that dumped her much better-looking fiance for… Jamie Kennedy.
After perusing her list to a depth of almost nirvana-like understanding, the always-illustrious Jennifer Love Hewitt has once again shown us that if no one else in the universe is a “real woman”, at least Jennifer Love Hewitt is.
And now, for your visceral pleasure, The List.
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1. PMS is not a lame excuse to be able to yell at you. It’s a great excuse.
2. We really can pump our own gas. It’s just that we’ve got this fantasy of you as a ’30s-era full-service station attendant. You’d look so cute in the hat.
3. We’re not complimented when you call your ex a slut. She dated you, too. So what are we?
4. We’re smart enough to know that smell is always the dog.
5. Yes, we can dish it out.
6. No, we can’t take it.
7. We want to raise children. We just don’t want you to be one of them.
8. Women are meant to talk and men to listen. We don’t want to be fixed; we want to be heard.
9. When we ask if you’ve had any work done, it’s because we want to know what our kids will really look like.
10. When we ask you how we look, it’s okay to lie; when we ask you how she looks, you better lie.
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I’m so repulsed by her now.
Thanks for taking us back 30 years, jennifer love hewitt.
Meh. I do happen to agree with#3, though.
I agree.
I also think that #7 is true, for those women who do want to raise children.
#10 is true. All the others are sexist, air-headed and full of shit. Big cup of shut the fuck up for this lady.
P.s.: I think an article on PMS would be very interesting. I’m of the stance that it is a sorry excuse for women to behave like children – when I have it, I just breathe in twice and remember it’s my hormones, but I am sure others will slag me off for saying this :) so yeah, I want an article on PMS!! :P
ya know, I don’t really think that happens as often anymore– I, mean, women using PMS as an excuse. Usually, it comes with an apology– at least that’s what I do. If I’m super bitchy or super sensitive on a particular day, I usually say, “Look, I’m sorry, I’m PMSing.”
I agree. I can get pretty awful if I’m PMSing–especially if there are cramps or whatever–but at least I tell everyone, “I’m apologizing in advance for whatever nightmarish bitchiness may or may not come out of my mouth today…it’s that time of the month.” And usually everybody’s cool with it. Than goodness my fiance has the patience of a saint.
I had a friend that used to do that. She was on the pill and a prescription form of Motrin, even wound up getting morphine a few times as a teenager until they figured out the cocktail of drugs she needed. Even with those drugs she was totally insane for a couple of days a week. She’d come in to class once a month and announce that it was her time of the month and we’d tip toe around her for a few days.
I would LOVE an article on PMS.
I get so irrational, sad, angry, basically just any normal feelings, but magnified.
Once I remember I am PMS-ing I feel better about feeling sad… if that makes sense.
It really does make sense.
I am one of the fortunate ones who has never had a cramp, bloating or any other symptom besides suddenly sprouting a set of blood-dripping fangs and this horrible urge to go for someone’s – anyone’s jugular. Or simply ripping their face off. Either one would work for me.
Once I realized (my periods were never regular) what was going on, I could manage to deal with it, and not alienate everyone around me.
PMS is real to those of us who have had it.
I am ever so thankful for menopause. I am free, finally.
Then again, menopause has been incredibly easy for me. I haven’t experienced any weird or alarming changes except for the cessation of my periods.
“I am one of the fortunate ones who has never had a cramp, bloating or any other symptom besides suddenly sprouting a set of blood-dripping fangs and this horrible urge to go for someone’s – anyone’s jugular. Or simply ripping their face off. Either one would work for me.”
LOL!!!!!
I’ve always thought JLH was rather cute. She doesn’t pander as much to the Hollywood ideal, though she does have to bow down a bit in order to keep her career going.
This list though? It just screams of her obsession with becoming the “next” Audrey Hepburn.
And also–it’s a load of poo.
jajaja!
i agree with #3 also. whenever i hear men talking really badly about their exes, their mothers or their sisters i back away. that is always a bad sign.
Those guys should come with a warning label…
Yes, although I’ve made the opposite mistake in the past; speaking glowingly of the other women I’ve dated. I wasn’t saying I’d rather be with them, but that they were talented artists, compassionate activists, clever smart folk and that ultimately, people I date aren’t shitty human beings.
Yeah, that’s not what it sounded like, apparently. This is one that can only be handled with a great deal of finesse, and probably shouldn’t be broached at all.
Yep. A healthy dose of ‘STFUA’ to Ms JLH would be great.
But what really calls out to me is here in the Comments.
I’m a woman in her early 40s and I’d like to mention that
I really don’t want to know that ‘It’s your time of the month” or “Excuse me. I’m just PMS-ing”. Really. You can file that
under TMI. Please. Don’t share on that point.
3, 7 and 8 ring true enough to me (but it doesn’t take a genius to come up with them). The rest are silly.
8 in particular is true in my experience. Tell a woman about your troubles, and she’ll have a drink with you, nod along, and commiserate. Tell a man, he’ll lecture you about how to fix them. Guys – we know how to fix them. We just want to kvetch for a while first!
That is so true about #8. Whenever I talk to my close male friend about an issue he just tries to come up with a solution quickly in order to move on to happier subject. But mostly I just want someone to listen and say “yeah, i know what you mean”…
Ugh—#10 made my eyes roll back to the 50s where that idea belongs.
I don’t need to be pandered to. If I ask a question, I want an honest answer. HUGE peeve of mine when people ask questions to just to fish for compliments…
And has ANYONE here ever asked their man if he’s “had work done?” must be a Hollywood thing…
Yeah I was also really confused by the “had work done” remark. It would never even cross my mind that a man had gotten plastic surgery. Weird.
Ugh, yeah, dumb.
Esquire has different women do these from time to time and they all fall very close to this tripe. There was only one that really made me laugh and ring true.
I really wish I could remember the actress but I can’t at all. I just remember that she went completely silly with the responses but they ended up being way more true than most. My favorite was, “We shave our toes.” It cracked me up because it was completely silly, but at the same time for a lot of us so very true.
Eh, I only FULLY agree with #7. I mean, I love my boyfriend and I love doing things for him, but there was a time when I said, “Look, I’m your girlfriend, not your mother,” so that one point resonated with me.
Oh I so completely agree.