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When I was younger, I saw an episode of Friends in which Joey said “I won’t be staring at your boobs the whole time, everyone knows I’m an Ass Man!”
Since then, I have always found it fun to ask guys if they consider themselves “butt” or “boob” guys. One had a habit of dating all my brunette friends who had C-cups or larger. His best friend went for Mormon girls with a little more junk in the trunk. Even more so, I enjoy asking my boyfriend this question since I grew up as a ballet dancer (and therefore have neither).
Woman have these two parts which are often both a burden and a blessing. You love them or you hate them. Wish they were bigger or smaller. Some want them tighter, rounder, juicier. We stand in the mirror poking and lifting. We cry over them and we flaunt them, and no two people have the same model.
Unfortunately, not all women are blessed with Beyonce-like confidence. There are things we wish we could change or adjust, but how far are women really willing to go to get the perfect lady lumps? For those willing to shell out a pretty penny, there’ s plastic surgery, the ever popular fake tits, and butt implants. Not everyone can afford to go under the knife, but luckily there’s a whole industry out there creating products that let you know you’re body isn’t perfect, but with a piece of plastic it can can be!
First off, there’s the “Brazillion Secret”, for women whose butts aren’t defying gravity and pointing upwards! I first saw this commercial last spring, and from beginning to end, my mouth hung open. It’s hard explain, so you’ll just have to watch the ad above.
That’s right. A pair of underwear to give you that extra UMPH and make even skinny white girls look like Shakira! I want to know what happens when one of these girls gets taken home by some douchey booty chaser. What’s he going to think when he sees her plastic-ass panties laying on the floor? “SEXY!” No, probably not.
So you love your butt, but your boobs could use an extra cup size, discretely? Well don’t worry because late night TV has the product for you! I can’t find an embeddable video, but you can check it out on the Bust Holder website. I’m all for strapless bra cups, I’ve seen some that work very well, but these are terrifying to me. It’s the “extra cup size” that the website assumes everyone wants. The natural feminine shape it says it gives is just freaky, and wouldn’t fool anyone.
This needs to stop. Are women really so insecure with their bodies that enough of them are buying these plastic T and A? Enough to actually support these companies and their advertising? We all have our miracle bra, and that one pair of jeans that make our derriere extraordinaire. But products like this are just playing on woman’s insecurities and comparing the bits they were born with to those of “perfect women”.
Oh yeah, that and they look completely ridiculous.
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I’m overweight. Not obese, but I could shed a stone. I have naturally big boobs (UK-US size 38 D, European 100 D). I also have a naturally big ass (UK size 14-16, US size 12-14, EUR size 42-44). My boyfriend is an ass man. He loves my ass, like literally he can’t stop groping it whenever we’re together, even if we’re queueing at the supermarket. He likes my boobs too. Most of my female friends envy my boobs. I know men stare at them. Me? I am considering breast reduction and going to the gym everyday to lose one or two sizes. I hate my body and I hate my big boobs and ass more than anything.
I’m feel the same way about my body, Miree. I’m on the short side (5′3”) with a small waist and big boobs and butt. I’m probably 10-15ish pounds over my ideal weight (thank you college) and I am INCREDIBLY self consious of my body. My boyfriend loves my curves and my slimmer friends say that I’m lucky, but I would kill to have a tall, svelte figure. Will I ever be comfortable in my own skin? I hope so. I don’t know why so many women are plagued with insecurities about their bodies these days. Oh wait, yes I do. It’s because companies like “Bust Holder” are trying to make a dime and don’t really care that they are seriously warping women’s opinions of their bodies. It’s upsetting that women actually buy these products, but at the same time, I can’t say I haven’t thought about trying out one of those “get skinny by taking a pill” diets.
Good post, Taryn :)
Amanda, think we have the same kind of body. I’m short too, small waist, big boobs, big ass.
I’ll throw in a bit of a belly, we could start a club now :-D Lighten up girls, there are worse things in the world. Whenever you feel bad about it, visit a hospital and the sick ward of your choice and you will be delighted that you have such a wonderful, functioning and healthy body. Tere’s only so much you can do against your genes. Eat a balanced diet and exercise and for the rest…love what your momma gave ya :)
I’m not by any means a large person (5′2, 120 lbs), but my butt, hips, and thighs seem (to me) to be enormously larger than my boobs (A cup, sigh).
Honestly, it’s not the sizes that I’m so hung up on–it’s the proportionality. I feel kind of bottom-heavy, you know? But whatever.
I could never, EVER do plastic surgery. I just think that having surgery when you don’t need it to save your life is kind of silly. I just do NOT understand how some people can view it as…I don’t know, a hobby?
In the end, I’m ok with my body, and my fiance is too–and that’s all I really need.
You know what’s funny? yeah, I’m also pretty short, small-ish boobs (34B american, 44 brazilian) -Oh, right, I’m brazilian- I got a medium-sized ass, but it’s considered big, and big, round tights, small waist.. whatever. Just like Miree, I think my body is perfect for everyone else but me, and I’m well aware of that. I think my stomach could be more flat (I got a little “speed bump” below the belly button and it pisses me off that I can’t get rid of it unless I go under the knife (is that a valid expression in english, for having surgery?)
I’ve had discussions with friends, arguing about who was skinnier, and we had “fat images” of ourselves, and wanted to trade bodies, thinking the other was skinnier. Does that make any sense? I wish I was as skinny a my friend and she wished she was as skinny as me.
We all have such crazy, distorted images of ourselves and it will never matter if we do reach our goal weights, because something will always seem out of pace. Too much cellulites, even though it’s the most natural thing, too big or small breasts, but even with surgery they’ll never seem right. and the Butt… the Brazilian Butt.. hahaha that’s just crazy. Swear to god I’ve never seen panties like that around here, so it’s not really “our” secret… those panties are too artificial, c’mon!!!
But yeah, brazilians really tend to have big asses and I have no clue why. My whole family is german and french and I still got the big ass… it might be the beach… or the food. We eat a looot of rice and beans (but not like baked beans) and salad and steak. maybe people should try that, it might work! “the brazilian diet for a huge ass” and to geet it firm and round? no clue…. but “my people” is usually very vain, so… yeah, exercise.
Did you know brazil is the world champion in plastic surgery? We have this big stereotype we have to live up to.
BTW (loong post about nothing) Those Bust Holders remind me of and early-ish Madonna, with those traffic cones on her boobs.
juliana– ‘under the knife’ is definitely a valid expression in English! and I totally understand what you mean, that your friend wants to be as thin as you and you want to be as thin as your friend! It’s so hard to tell what your body is ACTUALLY like. ugh. I hate distorted body image!
this always reminds me of the bridget jones’ scene where she fully displays her granny undies
jajaja!!
the sexiest bust you can get is self esteem
my ass is great, but I have every intention of buying boobs at some point. whatever. I have to be a girl; might as well have a killer rack.
I guess I’m a “boob girl” :/
but yeah. all my friends with big boobs hate them and all my friends with no boobs want them. grass is always greener. oh, but I’m not really into padded bras or anything like that… I mean, the bf is already quite aware what my boobs are like. I wouldn’t be fooling him.
then y buy gross fake ones?
oh no! I plan to buy BEAUTIFUL fake ones.
I’ve seen women with great implants. You have to know they are fake, otherwise they look real. I think the key is to keep the size realistic for your body frame. Most women shouldn’t go beyond a C cup.
I have to admit, my boobs are my second favorite asset (after my mile long legs :-)). When they fall, I’m paying to get them perky again.
yeah. I don’t plan on getting crazy big boobs. I just have like nothing. And I like boobs! They are great. I want to have my own. I don’t care if people think that’s stupid. I could either eventually buy them, or gain like 50 lbs and try to grow my own. I’d rather buy.
If I went to like a mid/full B, I think I’d be way more proportional.
Meh. I like my butt. My boobs seem to have a mind of their own, though. They honestly shrink and grow on nearly a daily basis. Alas, I’m not going any route more extreme than a padded bra (which I wear all the time, because non-padded ones make my boobs look triangle-y and saggy regardless). Plastic? Surgery or otherwise, nope.
seriously, why are they still making bras that make boobs look pointy? who’s buying these things?
I don’t know, but any bra that doesn’t have at least a moderate amount of padding makes my boobs look pointy, so I blame my tits, not the bra-makers, since I know girls who have different shaped boobs and could concievably look nice in less padded materials. Although I like paddeds more for the push-up effect, since while my boobs are pretty medium sized (I’d even venture far enough to say biggish in comparison to the rest of me), I have no natural cleavage, ever, because they’re awkward and wide-set.
Mine are small AND wide-set. -_-
It’s pretty sad that my 13-year-old sister has more cleavage than I do.
Do you drink enough water? That may have something to do with the daily shrinking/growing. The only time mine “grow” is during my period, which I think has more to do with water weight than anything else. I always retain water during that time.
I drink nothing BUT water (and coffee). Around my period is the most noticeable time (one particularly weird month, right after I grew into a C cup in high school, I freaked out because they could have been double-Ds), but they change with the season (I’m heavier in the winter), location (I’m heavier at home as opposed to down at school, but I also seem to be the same size at home in California), and my diet. Not how much I eat, mind you, but also WHAT I eat. Some food goes to my boobs. Some food, I guess, decides to go someplace else.
I’ve heard that the average person’s weight can fluctuate by 5 pounds a day on average. I’ve got a pretty small frame, so I guess that may be it.
What is the difference between these panties and a pair of jeans that make your butt look good? A good pair of jeans that can do wonders for a person and create the same illusion as the panties–just ask my ex. So, what’s the difference between these panties and a pair of jeans?
Does it seem plausible that perhaps the panties or the bra might just give that extra boost in confidence? I ask, because everyone has problems with their body. My girlfriend complains (only a little bit) about her huge ass–which I’m *extremely* fond of–her small protruding belly–which I’m also very fond of–when she has nothing to complain about in the slightest. As a man, I have my own body issues and while I suppose it would be nice to just be comfortable in my own skin, it’s quite unlikely. So something that’s going to give me that extra boost in confidence–say a shirt or pair of pants that hides my love handles–is worth it.
I understand the sentiment in the blog: why do we always need to be “fixing” ourselves and making ourselves more “perfect” with things? I can’t answer that at the moment–it would take more time than I’m willing to commit to right now–, but I can say that there isn’t anything wrong with giving yourself a little boost in confidence. Who doesn’t want to be looked at while they walk down the street?
As far as being taken home by a “douchy booty-chaser”, isn’t that the girls’ problem that went home with him? If she chose to go home with a guy who’s a douche and would get disgusted at the sight of her underwear, well, she didn’t have to go home with him to begin with. Don’t pick judgmental dickheads and that wont be a problem.
I hope this made sense…haven’t eaten too much today and I have to admit, the commercial got me at least a bit excited…
Um…they’ve been making shapewear like this for AGES.
“New and improved”? Hardly.
I kind of want to buy those underpants. Is that awful?
if you do i want pictures
Is anyone else seeing that the ‘Bust Holder Bra’ website has a huge typo on its front page? ‘Lift, Spape, and Increase Your Bustline’?
You know, I’ve always wanted to “Spape” my bustline…
“douchey booty chaser”? Sounds like Taryn needs to do a bit of 1) introspection to figure out why she always ends up with lame guys and 2) research. Just as there are decent guys out there who love flat asses, there too exists VARIOUS decent men out there who prefer the opposite–round, voluptuous derrieres. Sounds like you’re displacing your latent frustration (and perhaps envy) of bootylicious women onto that small percentage of “douchy booty chasers” out there, and making it seem like they’re the only ones. Re-assess darling, please.
Plastic butt inflation panties? DO NOT WANT.