I read an interesting debate over on Boston.com regarding male delivery nurses and male obstetricians in general. On the site, many women felt that male lady-part doctors are on the outs as far as the cringe-factor goes.
I had my first gynecological appointment around the time I turned seventeen. My first few gynos were women and, now that I think about it, my first gyno was a lesbian. I didn’t care. It didn’t bother me. Granted, the first time is always a little strange and uncomfortable (yeah, as if the subsequent visits aren’t, right?), but I was totally cool with the doctor being a lesbian chick. The first time I actually had a male give me an internal exam was when I was pregnant. Even weirder, he was my husband’s best friend’s father, but it’s not like his name was Seymour Bush or something. I’ll never forget that particular experience. He congratulates us on the baby, asks how the hubby’s parents are and proceeds to stick half of his hand up my ass as “protocol.” The experience was a little odd, yes, but primarily due to the fact that he was a semi-friend of the family.
Throughout my pregnancy, I saw this doctor off and on and gradually became more comfortable with this man checking out my nether-regions. It was imperative services and services rendered. Like anything else, if you’re exposed to it enough, you get used to it.
When it came time for my daughter to come into the world, I was notified that a midwife would be delivering her. At that particular point in time, I wouldn’t have cared if Sean Connery himself delivered the baby, I just wanted the child out. Three hours or so into labor, the baby starts to come hard and fast. However, despite my pushing and the midwife’s insistence that the baby was coming, each push and release only suctioned her back into my uterus, kind of like the soap that squeezes through your hands in the shower, but only in reverse. They brought in a tiny little man of a doctor, whom I had never met before. He told me as lucidly as possible that if I didn’t begin to try harder, that I would have to go in for an emergency Cesarean section, which I totally did not want. I began to push and push and this little Asian man did things to my vagina that I never thought could be physiologically done. After pushing and pulling (on my part and the doctor’s part, respectively), my little bundle of joy entered the world.
At the risk of being offensive, I think the women who are this particular about what gender delivers their child to be a bit, well, retarded. As far as this “big debate” goes, I think these particular women have entirely too much time on their hands. Do they really care that much or are they just seasoned pros at childbirth and it’s almost like upgrading to first-class after your first thirty flights or something?
Equally at the risk of sounding male chauvinistic, I wonder how a female car mechanic would feel if a man brought his car to her garage for repair and upon seeing that his mechanic was a woman, decided to go elsewhere.
What do you ladies think? Is it truly that big a deal?
I think it’s a personal thing and a personal choice. If you are uncomfortable with a man examining you, you should be able to get a female practitioner. Everyone has their own comfort level with such things for whatever reason.
It’s a lot different having your genitals/internal organs examined than it is having your car inspected. I don’t think it’s a valid comparison.
It’s gross either way. It’s especially gross if the doctor is male, my age and like really cute. That freaks me out. I want a male doc to be 100 years old or older.
How on earth did you know that your gyno was a lesbian?
Regardless, I would much, much rather have a woman gyno than man. At the very least, they fully understand how much pap smears, etc, SUCK. At least in my head I can remind myself that they have to go through similar pain and discomfort. Makes me feel better.
Gay doctors are the best ever. True story. They know exactly where the prostate is and what to do to it…
Uhh, maybe not the best place for that particular discussion. Keep on with the vayjayjay talk, ladies…
I’ve had both, personally I liked the guy better he was so much more gentle where girl basically would stick her hand in me dry then snap at me to relax.
For my first pelvic exam ever, I wanted a woman. But now, having been through childbirth twice, I was more than happy having male doctors at both deliveries. Part of this was because I didn’t have a choice (no female OBs at our base). I had to learn to be happy with it. But as I got used to it, I began to care less about gender and more about the way the interacted with me and how clinically qualified they were. Incidentally, I got a lot more comfortable with male nurses too after being cared for by the military.
But Daniela? I totally agree, if the male doctor or nurse looking at my lady parts is relatively young and cute, it’s a lot more embarrassing. :)
Your comparison is totally invalid. No-one is complaining about male nurses in general – which would be comparable to complaints about a female mechanic. There is no suggestion that men can’t be nurses.
The issue is when it is a more private, female-specific issue. For the same reason that women change their clothes and use toilets and showers in separate rooms than men, many women feel more comfortable with another woman dealing with their girl-parts. How is that retarded? That’s a damn offensive comment, and I would turn it around on the suggestion that your vagina and associated areas are comparable to a car.
It is also common for a woman to prefer to have someone who is capable of relating to their concerns. When a doctor is checking your throat, the gender doesn’t matter. As long as it’s human, it has the same part. But no man has ever been pregnant, or had a pap smear, or birthed a child. I think it entirely reasonable for a patient to want a doctor capable of understanding.
This matters to some people, and not to others – and it may make a difference as to whether they are just female, and have the same basic parts, or whether they’ve actually experienced pregnancy. When you’re dealing with someone to handle all your concerns for up to nine months, it’s not out of line to want them to understand.
Sure, some women may be fine with anyone working down there – and that’s fine, but it’s not remotely unreasonable for women to not feel so comfortable with a man.
If you were diagnosed with cancer would you search for a doctor who themselves had been treated for cancer? Furthermore, for the same type of cancer you were to be treated for? Could the doctor understand the horrible effects of chemotherapy if they have never been through it themselves?
Doctors are trained to be empathetic and understanding in order to properly diagnose and treat their patients. Whether male or female, some doctors are good at what they do and some are not (bedside manner, attention to detail, empathy, knowledge, keeping current, etc). Gender does not determine this, no matter what their specialization.
I think it is an insult to every male OB/GYN who has dedicated their lives to women’s reproductive health to say they are less qualified than a female.
(BTW, I have been ‘examined’ by both women and men, one of which even had tourettes!)
All I see is that these women are more worried about whether a man is looking at their hoohah than about whether this man is a competent professional or not. When I have a baby, I just want, whoever who does it, to be competent enough to bring my baby safe and sound into this world. I already have had handsome doctors touching and looking at my boobies and frankly, I never EVER felt ashamed or uncomfortable, because they were professionals who left their sexual preferences outside the consultation. Whether they might have commented on them afterwards, oh well, like I didn’t yell “OH MY GOD MY DOCTOR IS HOTTT!!”
Now then, if you’d rather have a woman than a competent professional delivering your child, hey, everyone has tastes, don’t we?
And by the last sentence I’m not implying women aren’t competent, let’s not be bitchy. I’ll reformulate it –
Now then, if you’d rather have a straight woman than a competent professional, no matter their gender or sexual orientation, delivering your child, hey, everyone has tastes, don’t we?
Agreed. (Though I allow others to reserve the right to adjust definitions of ‘competent professional’ according to their needs.)
Thing is, we are lucky enough to live in a time and a place where that is not a choice women have to make. We typically have the choice of a competent, professional male, or a competent, professional female. And when those are the options, it is entirely within reason to prefer a woman.
For the some people who don’t have this option, they make the choice to either go where a doctor of the qualifications they seek exists, or become comfortable with whatever’s around.
On the other hand, some would take issue with your definition of who is qualified to catch the baby. For many years it was seen as a women’s thing, where midwives would apprentice under each other, and learn what was needed by watching hundreds of babies delivered, and then doing it themselves. Some people would suggest that it is retarded to value the educated male over the experienced woman. I have no pregnancy and no opinion in this matter – I just want to point out the other side that exists.
I just have to say that I have had female and male doctors. Mostly male, which I prefer. Not because I have a perverse mind, but because to me they seem to be more sympathetic. Some female doctors have the attitude that “I have been through this, I don’t see the big deal. Or it does not hurt THAT bad.” Maybe they have a higher pain tolerance than others, maybe it is the “natural” female gene that says suck it the f*ck up, or something else. In my personal experiences anyways. Male doctors have not dealt with the actual feeling, sensations, or emotions of being a female so they have always been more sensitive in this area. However other areas, not so much…lol
My mom preferred her male obstetrician. Then again my mom was a nurse and helped in an ob/gyn’s office so she didn’t mind. we have a female gyno right now and she hates her. I can’t imagine I would care either way who delivered the baby, as long as it got out fo there.
I’ve had four deliveries, some with women attending and some with males – some with both. When you’re pushing and struggling to birth a baby I agree — gender just doesn’t matter!!
With my first, I had the same thing happen. She slid down, then back up while I pushed for over four hrs. Desperate, I finally let a PA in training, an aide and the midwife HOLD ME OPEN down there while I pushed, teaching me ‘where to feel it’ etc. It was funny and strange, but it worked. It felt like a football game, with them all cheering me on!
We need to get over it. They’re medical professionals, and not being perverts. Yikes.
it’s not a big deal to me at all. i mean, i do occasionally wonder why a man would feel drawn to gynecology, but i think we’re kind of flattering ourselves if we really think male or lesbian gynos are getting turned on during our exams. i mean, we’re getting touched – do *we* think it’s hot? nope. it’s medicine, not sex.
and incidentally…
i know a gynecologist named harry beaver.
i am not kidding.
I’m not worried that a male ob/gyn is getting turned on. I’m kinda curious as to whether they ‘turn off’ too much. It seems as though once they’ve seen a million women’s parts, they’d lose some enthusiasm for them. I wonder how well the ‘turning off the sexualisation of girl-parts at the office’ and turning them back on at home works.
While Im not an ob/gyn I have seen a number of female parts in the corse of my job. Trust me I’ts just a job
I’m not going to say it’s wrong, because if that’s where a person’s interests lie. When I was in paramedic school, we had to do an OB rotation and deliver babies. There were a couple of male nurses there, but I think they mainly did the predelivery/perinatal care. In fact, most of the deliveries were just attended by a nursing tech, and the doctor or midwife. The nurses were just a shout down the hall if anything happened.
I once went on a date with a guy whose father is was/is an OB, and he’s a shitty one at that. He once prescribed only Motrin for pain relief
after a c-section that he botched. If anything, I think women would be more comfortable with a woman OB because a woman is more sympathetic to pain and what is changing in a woman’s body during pregnancy. Women often have odd pain pathways, and sometimes you just need to talk to another woman about this so she can offer advice, and share (without breaking privacy laws) techniques other women have tried in an attempt to combat the negative side effects of preganacy, like back pain, abdominal pain, head aches, boobs becoming uncomfortably huge, etc.
I don’t mind at all if male gynecologist or obstetrician seeing and touching the genitals. Everyone in the delivery room are focused at how to get the baby out successfully. I mean, on the period of delivery, only a psycho would think of harassing a woman on that instance.
I think one issue that is not being addressed here is the issue of young women, or women who have been sexually abused in some way. There are reasons some women are mentally uncomfortable with a man touching their genitalia, and to not acknowledge those reasons or to call a woman retarded for feeling that way, is pretty terrible. In these situations, it’s not about disenfranchising male doctors. It’s about the female patient being comfortable, and not psychologically stressed.
female nurses are perverts and unprofessional
Just because you’re comfortable doesn’t mean I am. Funny thing is I just read on another site a woman complaining how she shared a house with 4 male doctors and she said after a few drinks they did talk about women’s bodies in an immature and disrespectful way.
Re:Amanda’s comment “If you were diagnosed with cancer would you search for a doctor who themselves had been treated for cancer?” That’s a silly argument. If I had throat cancer my Drs also got a throat. And anyway did you know that male gyns perform 60% more hysterectomies than female ones? That’s because they don’t appreciate what it’s like to lose a part of the female anatomy. Also, it wasn’t until female Drs started entering the profession that that other methods of treating breast cancer was researched rather than performing mastectomies because once again a female Dr understood how it would feel to lose a part of one’s female identity.