Sean I enjoyed your comment a lot, and it’s true the difference between sex and gender can’t be stressed enough; sex is just your sex parts but gender is the socially-constructed masculine/feminine traits acquired. But I have done my research on gender so please don’t think I’m doubting your experience at all, it’s just my opinion on it.

That was amazing. Thank you so much. You took the words out of my mouth.

But I do think that we should be careful not to assume that Chaz will have an operation. He’ll almost certainly start injecting testosterone under the supervision of a doctor, and yes, he probably will have chest surgery, but what’s going on below his belt is his business as far as I’m concerned. (Some transsexual men have “bottom surgery,” but the vast majority of transmen choose instead to wear prosthetic devices that allow them to look and feel complete, use the bathroom, and have sex with partners. Some transsexual men also do not undergo surgery OR use these prosthetics, known as “packers.”) As a society we’re pretty hung up on what’s in people’s pants, but that’s not what makes you a man, or a woman. There are many non-transsexual men who lose their penises in accidents, and other guys who are born with very small penises, but most people (other than those guys’ doctors and sexual partners) never know about it. They’re just accepted as men, and no one asks or even wonders about their genitalia. Transsexuals have to put up all the time with people asking them, very directly and publicly, about the state of their penis or vagina: did you have surgery? Will you have surgery? What does it look like? Can you have sex? And so on.

My hope is that other people will respect that transsexuals’ private parts are in fact private — and not a topic for casual discussion — and will afford them the same privacy and respect they would show to anyone else. Chaz Bono is obviously a public figure and an activist, and of course people are going to talk about this, but I hope that anyone who encounters a transsexual person in their own life will refrain from asking them very personal questions, or at least wait until they’ve developed a much closer relationship with that person. Some transsexuals are more willing to talk openly about their bodies than others, but don’t assume that your new transsexual acquaintance will be offended if you ask about their bits and pieces, or will be glad that you asked — their reaction might be the opposite of what you expect.

Putting less emphasis on genitalia and surgery also helps transgendered people on the path to acceptance, because accepting a transgendered person means accepting that a person can be very masculine without being born with a penis, or very feminine without being born with a vagina. Also, some people stigmatize transpeople primarily because they are horrified by the physical aspects of transsexuality — like the idea that a man would want to remove his penis and testicles — in much the same way that some people are homophobic because they dislike the idea of a sex act between two men or two women. But we know that sex is just a small part of anyone’s life, and that it is unfair to judge a person entirely on the basis of their sex life. Hopefully our society will also stop judging people on the basis of their private parts. If that ever happens, it will be a great day for transsexuals, for men with small penises, and for women with unusually large or small breasts, all of whom can unfairly suffer from mockery or harassment — or just the embarrassment of being asked VERY personal questions — because of their physical characteristics.

Thanks again for a great article. I join you in wishing Chaz the best of luck. Coming out, transitioning, and finding acceptance are some of the hardest things a transsexual can ever do, but you’re right — it’s an indescribable joy to look in the mirror and see a face that finally matches the mind behind it.

I have never understood the whole “being gay is a choice.” It’s just so absurd. Many people would switch back and forth if it was that goddamn easy. Get pissed at my boyfriend? Poof! I’m a lesbian. And like anyone really wants to go through a lifetime of idiots damning you to hell for your life… yeah. Okay. Totes makes sense. I’m gonna go call my gay uncle and his husband and tell them that the jig is up!

:)