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A new study shows that despite the fact that women generally tend to outlive men, they’re more miserable because of it.
According to the study, women develop worse ailments than men, traditionally, such as obesity and arthritis, which can sometimes go hand in hand. These women then become chronically miserable because of the constant pain that they are experiencing and according to scientists, the brain (and pain receptor) begins to shrink, which triggers even more suffering. According to the head researcher on this study:
“While women tend to live longer than men, this study shows that they are at greater risk of living with disability and much of the excess disability is attributable to higher rates of obesity and arthritis,” said Dr. Heather Whitson of the Duke University Medical Center. “This is important because it suggests that women’s tendency to pack on extra pounds in their child-bearing and peri-menopausal years translates into loss of independence in their old age.”
Women are said to be far more susceptible to fractures, vision problems and bronchitis, where men were susceptible to CAD, or coronary artery disease, congestive heart failure, stroke, diabetes and hearing problems. Doesn’t sound too appetizing to those of us who are still in our luckily-prime youth. Well, at least quasi-youth.
The silver lining to this morbid article? Well… Sorry, there is none. I originally decided to pen this piece to educate all of us out there who don’t exactly live the healthiest lifestyle, but I’m too depressed to really get into the specifics of how to overcome these hurdles. After this story, I feel more like a demotivational speaker, because I wasn’t exactly heartened by this study. I guess the only advice I can offer, female-wise, to avoid experiencing these unpleasant side effects of living is exercise, don’t smoke (should take my own advice on this one) and eat lots of carrots so you don’t go blind and trip over the dog, thus causing a potentially painful fracture. I’ve got nothing else.
I’m going to go and consume a vast quantity of hearty vegetables and after that I’m going to go and make an attempt to throw up three days’ worth of food, because I know that it’s eventually going to kill me in the end, anyway. I’m not a big puker, but I guess if I had to choose, carrots would probably be the least invasive of all foods to regurgitate. [Ed: Untrue. Ice cream.]
Happy aging.
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That was incredibly depressing.
Nobody makes it to old age unscathed.
NOBODY.
I once puked up a salad (ill, not bulimic) and it actually looked really pretty floating in the toilet bowl. So yeah, go with the carrots…