It’s Always The Nice Ones: Why “Nice Guys” Suck

niceguys042109You know a “nice guy.” He is usually the picture-perfect example of generic dudeness: everything from his clothes to his habits is carefully picked out to increase his likability with as wide a group of people as possible. He grins a lot and frequently refers to himself as a “nice, normal guy” who is “just looking for the right girl.” In general, the “nice guy” is easy to tolerate because he makes himself so tolerable. Need a metaphor? The “nice guy” is like vanilla ice cream (which, incidentally, happens to be his favorite flavor!): No one hates vanilla, it is just kind of there, waiting to be mixed with a more exciting flavor.

However, if you have ever rejected the romantic advances of a “nice guy” you have probably felt his wrath, or at least read his epic rant on his Blogspot or Facebook note or whatever about how all women suck because they don’t respect “nice guys” like him. The “nice guy” probably got rejected by some girl he had set his sights on for probably any number of reasons, but the “nice guy” has to turn this one rejection into a melodramatic and borderline violent missive about why every woman — in the history of womanity! — is a delusional idiot/female Hitler. This is why men who actively seek to identify themselves as “nice guys” suck: They want to seem so normal but given the chance they will reveal that they are really nothing more than repressed douchebags. They view the world as “nice guys” versus the “bad boys,” both vying for the attention of women. If a woman rejects a “nice guy” she is either a slut, a bitch or she is going to get hurt by some “bad boy” who will never, ever love her like the “nice guy” will! The two of you get along so well! You both love cheese!

It isn’t just their condescending attitude towards women and myopic view of the world that makes “nice guys” suck, it also because they sometimes turn out to be murderers. Take for example Phillip Markoff, a 22-year-old medical student at Boston University who was charged today with the murder of Julissa Brisman, a 26-year-old model who advertised herself on Craigslist as a “masseuse.” He was also charged with armed robbery and kidnapping in a separate case involving another sex worker. By almost all accounts of the people who met Markoff he was a “nice guy” and “clean-cut” (which is newspaper-speak for a white middle-class man). Stunned that a nice guy like Markoff would be an alleged murderer and robber of Craigslist sex workers? Well, it is a pretty sensational and story, mostly because Markoff is painted as being such a normal dude, and almost everyone supplies the same generic description of Markoff because he is probably a pretty generic “nice guy.” So what the hell was he doing (allegedly) robbing and murdering sex workers he met off of Craigslist? If you’ve seen the wrath of self-described “nice guys” you might understand that these men aren’t always what they seem.

I don’t mean to generalize (I don’t think all “nice guys” are secret murderers) and I do like nice people! In fact, my boyfriend is one of the nicest people I know. However, he would never actively describe himself as a “nice guy.” Why? Because in his mind, being pleasant and understanding of other people is considered, you know, normal. He doesn’t try to be nice, he just is nice. “Nice guys,” however, try very hard to appear nice and normal, even going to great lengths to stifle hints of a personality or opinion away so they can appear more “nice” overall. And that is why women reject them, time and time again.

Maybe Markoff isn’t a “nice guy,” but the boring way that people describe him as being “nice” make him sound like he has shades of “nice guy” in him. And you know what? It is always the nice ones.

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24 thoughts on “It’s Always The Nice Ones: Why “Nice Guys” Suck

  1. Since I think nice guys are the best I once pressed a friend to tell me what she meant when she said she wasn’t interested in a guy because he was “too nice.” What she really meant was that she distrusted him because his “nice behavior” seemed phoney and insincere — who was he really and what was he trying to hide? So, I agree, guys who present themselves as “nice guys” are really social inepts trying to hide their socio-patholigies.

  2. I dated a guy like that once. He always talked about how “nice” he was and don’t understanding why womens rejected him. We dated for a while and I just felt he was being really fake. In fact, he’s the most fake guy I’ve ever meet. So then I broke up with him and WOW. He started yell that we, womens, are the most horrible thing ever. And how much I actually sucked for not wanting to be with him…such a “nice guy”.

  3. Well, I consider myself a “good man” but people thinks I’m a player and I do hate guys who present themselves to be “simple nice guy”, who are douchebags anyway, and “Bad Boys” and girls who likes those guys or thinks they know what they want, or/and want to be princess, or want to be deceived, or want to have their low self-esteeme confirmed through mistreatment and would not see a good quality right in front of them, and girls who are just tease and players.

    Am I a womyn hater? No. Because I know the difference between being feminist and being self serving. And I have many female friends and they know that I had much much bad experiences to reaffirm my embitterment. As one said: I understand too much about bad part of women. But, I do know there are good girls out there and I am being rewarded for being positive on that count.So, yeah, fuck those “nice guys”. Never like the word “nice”

    Oh, and my favorite flavor is either strawberry, cherry garcia or Caramel stripe or whatever of those ilk, depending on my mood.

  4. I know exactly what you are talking about!! If a guy claims to be a “nice guy” watch out. Men who are truly nice guys don’t need to verbalize a disclaimer. It’s kind of like the con man saying “trust me” or the real estate agent who says “I’m an honest guy” or the woman in your office who says she is “super laid back” but in reality is wound up so tightly you swear she is going to snap. I had a bad experience with a guy who at least once/day said “I’m a nice guy”. I fired the real estate agent who said “I’m an honest guy.”

  5. the worst part about “nice guys” is that they think nice is enough. What about being passionate or musically inclined or intellectually stimulating or politically involved or dependable or understanding or complex in any way? They use nice because the only other adjective that can applied to them is boring.

  6. I had a boyfriend once who stated on pretty much a daily basis that nice guys finish last and that is why he was single for so long. Then he cheated on me. Real nice guy.

  7. Hmmmmm, are you accusing “nice guys” of being just like you? Flat, boring, fake, insincere etc?

    That’s a good one. :-)

    The dominant rule in dating is woman wants what she is not and/or what she can’t get. As an “optimizer” type of person, she seeks who she perceives as “better”, and “complimentary” to her kind.

    So obviously most ladies are looking for the rich, hot, funny, smart, straightforward, hard-working, do what he says type of guy. You bet the women most attracted to this man are the exact opposite, poor, stupid, ugly, no sense of humor, liar and lazy. :-)

  8. Haha, you don’t get it. Nice guys get so pissed off with “one” rejection because it’s not just one rejection. A nice guy gets disappointed the first time. More disappointed with the next girl. Sad with the following. Sad and frustrated with the next. Angry and frustrated after that. The reason is because he puts in so much effort into just trying and 95% of the time he fails.

    Then there’s the added confusion. A lot of the time these nice guys are there for the girls in there times of need but they just never get any reciprocation, no one there when they need to cry or vent. Most of the time they end up feeling used.

    Then there’s the frustration of seeing all of the jerks that pick on them getting the girls they like and using them. It’s the frustration of not being able to take the first step in the single most important biological process that every living thing is geared to do. It’s depressing and it sucks.

    Plus nice guys don’t JUST ask a girl out. They wait, they plan, they look for the right time, they invest energy and then when the moment comes they have to summon courage just to ask.

    Any ways I could write a book on this but I assume you all get the point.

    • You’re right Alexander, I felt like shit reading this because it described me perfectly, now I am reminded of the truth you speak. I’m going to settle for never being in a relationship because I think it’s just to disturbing to even try anymore, I’ll find a way to make myself better through honesty, respect, and live (even if boring) the way I was meant to. I will try.

  9. I would like to salute the person who wrote this article for reminding me why us “nice guys” should never, ever interact with women.
    I have spent the last six years without speaking to any women, and recently I found myself thinking about doing it again. Jeeez, this load of bullshit sure changed my mind! God bless you for posting!

  10. I think there has to be a distinction between guys who *pretend* to be nice by appearing to be (choosing certain clothes, smiling alot etc…) and guys who are generally nice. The latter group is far less frequent, in fact actual nice guys are a rarity these days but they still do exist. So “nice guys” don’t suck but “douche-bags with low self-esteems trying to pass off as nice guys in order to get a good-looking woman to boost their confidence guys” do suck.

  11. Has some truth to it, but fails to see it from the other perspective:
    If you think you are frustrated, try seeing it from the guy’s perspective…you know why many nice guys cheat/lie/don’t do what they say after they finally get into a relationship?…because they’re used to repetitive distrust, disappointment, and heartbreak from women. Even if you say you love him, you really have to convince him. I’m actually in love right now I am very aware of this “nice guy problem” (aka general distrust of women after years of disappointment). Guys are a lot more sensitive than you think. If you give a nice guy even the slightest hint that you will disappoint him, he will leave you or do something to hurt you to confirm the inevitable truth that women have mistreated him throughout his whole life even if you are not a bad woman…sort of a self perpetuating cycle. What’s the solution? Assure your man that he is loved and you’ll be surprised that what you get in return is 10x what you put in. We are NICE! We just need a little extra assurance.

    We do not segregate all men into nice guys and bad boys…everyone of us has pieces of both good and bad, but most of us would like to think the good outweighs the bad, even Hitler and the murderer you metioned. Even you try to hide the dark side in yourself…we all have parts of us that we wouldn’t want a potential partner to see.

    Additionally, I frequently find women reject me more when I do express my opinion about certain things rather than fakely agreeing with them so I usually avoid those topics or change the subject…can you blame me for it? Women need to get it through their heads that the man they like is not their clone and has a viewpoint that is not exactly the same as theirs…who knows, women might learn a thing or two from a different perspective. We don’t disagree with you because we want to antagonize you so stop viewing it as a fight.

  12. Has some truth to it but the OP (aka “dumb bitch”) fails to see the whole picture and understand from the other perspective. This is elementary at best.

    Such as being nice and getting repeatedly rejected again, again, and again will wear on your “niceness.”

    Some men do commit crimes against women.

    Other men seclude themselves from women and either live unhappy lives or commit suicide (the suicide rate for men is 18% males to 4% females I believe).

    And few move on and find a decent women because they realize the women that they were being nice to all along are just materialistic, dumb, ego gratifying, feminist.

    • I can’t believe it’s taken three years for someone to reply to this. Well, here goes.

      First of all, way to shoot yourself in the foot right out of the gate by referring to the OP as a “dumb bitch”. You’ve clearly proven that you are one of the bitter Nice Guys that she’s writing about in the first place.

      “Such as being nice and getting repeatedly rejected again, again, and again will wear on your “niceness.””

      While understandable that constant rejection can wear down a person’s patience (notice I didn’t say “niceness” because in your case, Mr. “The OP’s A Dumb Bitch For Having A Different Opinion Than Mine”, niceness has nothing to do with anything), what separates a winner from a loser is that the winner never gives up no matter what he’s handed. I heard a fantastic quote once from someone whose name I sadly can’t remember: “I’ve been turned down more times than a bedspread at the Holiday Inn, but I keep trying.” I want to buy this guy a beer. No amount of rejection in the world is an excuse to turn into a bitter, hateful troll. LIFE IS HARSH AND UNFAIR. This is not news and it will never change. It is harsh, unfair, and owes you NOTHING. Keep trying. Fix things about yourself that are fixable, learn to live peacefully with things that aren’t fixable instead of covering them up and making yourself appear to be something you’re not. If you do these things, then you know what? There’s still no guarantee that you’ll find a good woman. But maybe, just maybe, you’ll realize along the way that being in a relationship is not the be-all-end-all of life and you may even begin enjoying yourself a little. And you won’t come off as such a desperate and bitter douche.

      “Some men do commit crimes against women.”

      Yes. They do. And they are sick and should be stopped. No excuses.

      “Other men seclude themselves from women and either live unhappy lives or commit suicide (the suicide rate for men is 18% males to 4% females I believe).”

      Nothing sweeps a woman off her feet faster than “love me or I just might off myself you dumb bitch”. Cry me a goddamn river. Women are not responsible for men choosing to behave this way. The men that do are. Period. Women (and life in general) owe these men NOTHING.

      “And few move on and find a decent women because they realize the women that they were being nice to all along are just materialistic, dumb, ego gratifying, feminists.”

      No, no, no, no and hell no. Few move on and find a decent woman because they stop acting like spoiled little pricks that have been refused a lollipop and start living life to the best of their abilities. And they also realize that maybe the women that they were being “nice” to weren’t right for them anyway. Or maybe they were being “nice” to these women for all the wrong reasons.

      I sincerely hope that in the three years since you wrote this you’ve left this way of thinking behind.

  13. At first, I was a little hurt that I was getting lumped in with murderers and rapists, and, in general, disingenuous pricks… but then I thought, you know, maybe that’s why I used to have so much trouble finding a girlfriend prior to the wonderful lady that I am now growing to love very dearly (we’re taking it slow ^_^ so everything is safe. NO jumping to conclusions!). Specifically, maybe it was because there are so many total jerkfaces out there TRYING to be nice guys, but not just being a person who happens to be nice.

    I guess I’m just glad to understand a little better why I wasn’t taken before, because my gal told me she couldn’t IMAGINE why someone else didn’t snatch me up before she managed to, and I was really confused about this! You have no idea how relieved I am to hear that it ISN’T because women are actually more attracted to so-called “bad boys”. From this side of the fence, believe me, it’s IMPOSSIBLE to tell. All I had to go on was a hunch: “Women are way, WAY too smart to actually be more attracted to bad boys. There MUST be something else going on to make guys who aren’t like that look bad”.

    So relieved that my good faith paid off! I’m going to tell any single buddies of mine that they shouldn’t give up, get jaded, and turn into jerks just because their niceness hasn’t helped them find someone special–that it’s not them, but stereotypical “NICE GUYS” making them look just as bad as all the rest of ‘em. … and warn my single female pals that some nice guys are wolves in sheep’s clothing if they didn’t know it already! O_O

  14. I agree with a lot of points made. Any person who has to advertise that they are nice is likely not. Having said that, my brother is a really sweet guy and doesn’t have much luck with women. He says it seems like girls like dickhead guys and he didn’t know what to do about it. I told him that there are a lot of dumb asses out there and he just needs to learn that women who flock to “bad boys” simply aren’t the sharpest tools the shed and aren’t worth the time. He needs to find someone with enough common sense to find someone who will treat them they way they really want. Some girls like bad guys, but thats likely because they are bad themselves; like flies on shit really. You just got to be yourself and find someone who shares the same values as you do. If you are a genuinely nice person, then find another genuinely nice person. The important thing is to not sell out who you are just to try and find a relationship.

  15. I think being nice is not a problem, the problem is being so nice to everyone that you stop being nice to yourself, you become a pushover, being a people’s pleaser and even doing stuff you don’t wanna do to be nice to others while not caring about yourself.
    Women are attracted to a jerk’s confidence, the jerk gets laid, the nice guy gets a friend, and a GENTLEMAN gets everything. Most people who claim to be nice guys are actually just clingy, desperate guys, and when women don’t want them, they explode about how they were being nice and women didn’t like that.
    So don’t be a Jerk or a Pushover(nice guy) be a real gentleman.

  16. This article is straight up retarded. How can you sit there and basically say that all “nice guys” start to make sweeping generalizations about women sucking and so forth on facebook, and then do the exact same thing to men in an article? Typical feminism.

  17. The OP is right. I was super nice to a girl I used to work with just to keep her around. I was complete push over and a bitch. She liked that and we began communicating outside of work. Good thing she kept her distance. I was a total creep. I was so desperate to get into a relationship and not let her slip away that I pushed her away. She ended up completely ignoring me and not even saying goodbye when she quit the job. Good for her. She dodged a bullet. I hope she’s happy now that I’m not bothering her anymore.

    I don’t even try anymore to get a girlfriend. I am extremely suicidal and I have absolutely no desire to live anymore. It has nothing to do with her though. She was just the last straw. I just help others with no expectations of anything back. What I want is death and they could never give that to me. I couldn’t care less about anything in this life at all so selfishness is foreign to me now. That would of course be an indicator that I’m attached to something here or living to do something.

    My co-workers or even the girl that ignored me could be reading this and they’d be clueless as to who I am because I exert a completely different demeanor in person. I’m nice to everyone regardless or how they treat me. If I wanted to be a murderer the only life I’d take is well. You can fill in the blank.

    The complete irony is that I get a lot of female attention now. Even from girls I that are not using me. I put no pressure on them and I guess that was the trick. Too late now lol. While I smile and laugh by their side they have absolutely no idea what’s going on in my head or that I’m dead inside.

    I think I’m the only one of my friends who has a bucket list at the age of 22. Gotta go to sleep so I can wake up then hurry up and finish it. It’s weird that a feeling of being in control of my death makes me smile. I guess it must be that I’m finally confident in a decision I’m making.

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