We’ve all read the recently released Tiger Woods-to-Joslyn James sexts by now … and if you haven’t, you can find the complete works at Sextingjoslynjames.com.

If you’d rather not, good for you. You’d just want to wash your brain out after anyway.

Whether you know the details or not, I’m curious as to whether Zelda Lily readers feel like releasing the texts was a step too far. In a perfect world, I’d like to think we wouldn’t know this much about anybody’s marital/extra-marital shenanigans. But we’re in this world, the texts are out there, and there’s no going home again.  On the one hand, I think of the golfer’s family — haven’t they been humiliated enough? And if Tiger’s wife, Elin, was truly considering a reconciliation — if she was truly doing all the emotional work it takes to forgive – will it be spoiled by these down-and-dirty specifics?

On the other hand, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and maybe James feels Tiger deserves all he has coming. Perhaps I’m naive, but judging by her press conference she appeared to have genuine feelings for Woods. (Not to say what they did was morally upright.)

But these explicit texts don’t just hurt and embarrass her ex-lover — these messages will haunt innocent parties. Fortunately for James, she has protected herself from some substantial embarrassment by not including her messages. By publishing a half-truth, she has downsized her own part in pursuing the affair. As for Tiger, in addition to being revealed as a bad speller with somewhat abusive-sounding sexual proclivities, he comes off (oh dear) as the sole architect of the betrayal, and the only one of them who advocated choking and slapping during sex. (For all we know, she was into it. It takes all kinds.)

At the end of the day, I don’t think revenge — however sweet — is worth inflicting pain on someone’s family. Two wrongs don’t make a right, am I right?

I, uh, just don’t even know what to say about this.  Maybe the guy’s a total creeper and gets off over vaginal exercises, but then again, maybe he’s a new-age vadge guru whose area of expertise revolves around mega-Kegel exercises.

Either way, super-creepy.  I especially love the disclaimer about being under eighteen.  That just, you know, clinched the deal for me.

I’m not entirely too far from New York City.  Maybe I’ll give this guy a jangle and see what the hype’s all about.

Not.

But extra bonus points to any of you lovelies that are willing to shoot this guy an email … just, you know, for “scientific purposes.”

Constance McMillen was most recently turned away from attending her Senior prom.  Because she was gay. And wanted to bring her girlfriend.  Need I say how appalled I am that this kind of stuff actually still goes on. The school evidently cancelled the entire prom, rather than allow McMillen and her girlfriend to attend together.  McMillen states that the majority of students feel that it was her sexual preference that cost them the prom.

However, leave it to Ellen to come to the rescue; she awarded McMillen $30,000 in scholarship money to continue her schooling and also offered her an internship in New York City and also allowed McMillen entrance onto the Ellen DeGeneres show to discuss the setbacks she endured in coming “out” in high school.

I absolutely love Ellen and I think more people should spend their time being like her — if not in financial donations, than at least in love for others.

The networks should really consider calling the top-rated talk show the Ellen the Generous Show. Yeah, corny, I know, but so true.

Rhonda says on “Teacher to Class: I’m Becoming a Stripper“:
“I think the most traumatic incident was when my sex education teacher got an erection right after he was describing the ways boys might hide them.”

Lady Goo Goo says on “Sick of Hearing About Unhappy Wives?  Me Too.“:
“Its a marriage. If it were all sunshine, lollipops and sequins it would be called a drag show.”

Alzaetia on “Woman Serves ‘Breast Milk Risotto’, Makes a Splash With Guests“:
“My best friend wants me to pump a bunch of milk and make her some ice cream.”

Mark on “Supermodels Untouched: Blessing to Some, Disgrace to Others“:
“Just so you ladies know, most men DO NOT like airbrushed, photoshopped women. Maybe these guys have spent so much time playing video games that they don’t know what a real woman looks like anymore. I can guarantee they aren’t getting any. My wife is a beautiful, sexy, size 18 and I love every iota of her body, just as it is.”

I have to say, despite the fact that I am a woman, a lot of women spend entirely too much time pissing and moaning about things that suck, things that don’t suck and things that they think suck, but really don’t and are just looking for things to piss and moan about in conjunction with the fact that they’re irritated that they can’t find anything valid to piss and moan about.

Ahem.

Science Daily has debunked a very serious myth.  A serious myth that I’m sure all of you women in a committed, male-female relationship have come across in your partnerships.  You know, that whole thing where a man is too helpful and it knocks your ego down a few notches.

Research on the topic concludes that a father who has a large involvement with the couple’s children is often a competent, loving and willing caregiver and in most cases, the female in the relationship — wife, mother, what have you — feels inadequate because of this fact.  Head researcher, Takayuki Sasaki has an explanation for this:

“In American society, women are expected to take a main role in parenting despite increasingly egalitarian sex roles.  Thus, we believe that employed mothers suffer from self-competence losses when their husbands are involved and skillful because those mothers may consider that it is a failure to fulfill cultural expectations … Husbands do not suffer from self-competence losses even when their wives are involved and skillful because that is consistent with cultural expectations.”

Yes, because there’s nothing less appealing than a man who does his share around the house and with the kids.  Come on.  Are there people who really, really feel like this?  Honestly.

FYL.

Aww, sookie sookie.  In light of the recent kerfuffle with Sandra Bullock and her now-estranged husband, Jesse James, I thought I’d find the most asinine story regarding males cheating on females, just for you.  Don’t say I never did anything nice for you.

After much research, Esquire’s list tops the charts on the ridick-o-meter with their vapid reasoning, stereotypical responses and faux-analytical reasoning.  In short, I absolutely love it in the same way that I love when I burp and the acidic bile backs up in my throat, causing me to squinch my eyes half-closed and cough like a 90 year-old man on his deathbed.  Kind of like that.

Ahem .. Without further adieu, the “high” points of the rationale behind a self-proclaimed cheater:

• Because he can and nothing stops a man from doing what he wants to do.  Even marital vows.
• Because he needs to.  You’re just that shitty.
• Because it makes him forget the more “mundane” aspects of his life, like, you know, jobs, wives and children.
• Because it’s “who” he “is.”
• Because “fated love is a lie and monogamous love a deception.”  … Right?
• Because it is a test and the subsequent at-home performance is a testament to manly-men.  [Fuck, he said it, not me.]
• Because a real man would never brag in a “house-proud dipshit” way.  I know that I think there’s nothing less attractive about a man than his vociferous claims of domestic bliss.
• Because an affair is an accomplishment.  Just ask Tiger.  Forty times.
• Because it’s fun in that robbing-a-bank kind of way.

Whoa.  If I were to say that I was completely unabashed, I’d be completely lying.  I always knew that men — or women — who cheated were the most selfish, self-absorbed people on the planet, but I had no clue that it went this deep, no pun intended.

I’ve only given a brief synopsis as to “Why Men Cheat”, but you absolutely have to — if you haven’t already — go and read the article.  While the anonymous author is a well-written exploiter of sensical word, it’s almost amazing that someone with an apparent amount of intellect could really delude himself into thinking that the things that he’s saying are a genuine, deep-seated pronunciation of self-satisfied glee.  But then again, I guess that’s what you get when you mince words — and ideas — with someone who couldn’t be faithful to a pair of socks.

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t, beautiful — and even not-so-beautiful — women of the world.  Just when we thought that our airbrushing fascination was coming to an abrupt close, the guys over at Guyism.com have completely shot down that notion. Not only did they shut it down, they gassed it, lit a match and peed on it for good measure.

The secret’s out: dudes over at Guyism not only know about airbrushing — how it makes even the most average of women beautiful and removes any and all major and minor flaws — but they condone it and have a desire for it. Ladies … we are doomed, no?

Guyism states that a recent photo shoot for Harper’s Bazaar was completely unnecessary and was more of a kill-joy than anything else.  The spread? Beautiful, naturally-amazing supermodels with flawless skin, shining eyes, zero makeup and a healthy lack of Photoshop or airbrushing.  Guyism’s article title couldn’t have been more concise:  ”Never.  Do.  This.  Again.”  Guyism shows the photos (which I happen to think are Annie Leibovitz-style amazing) and claims that Harper’s did their utmost to project a good dose of “disinterest” upon the men over at Guyism and they were none too happy about it.

So, where do we go from here?  All this time we were thinking that men were actually under the misconception that some women are naturally flawless and airbrushing and Photoshop tactics didn’t exist, but here I find myself baffled that it’s the Photoshop version of even supermodels that they want to ogle.

Men of Guyism … I sure hope that the majority of men don’t share the same ideals as you do.  I’m sure you’re all buff, well-endowed gentlemen with PhD’s, Benzes and a “sensitive” side, so I can understand why you wouldn’t want a mere average woman gracing the Internets, but really … Let’s be realistic here.

The folks at CNN.com have been intrigued by the reporting going down at VICE’s broadband station, VBS.TV. So they took it upon themselves to post a recent VBS story about a retirement home for prostitutes in Mexico.

Casa Xochiquetzal — that is, The House of the Beautiful Flowers — is a retirement dwelling for prositutes in Mexico City’s neighborhood of Tepito, “one of the sketchiest neighborhoods in the city.”

The house has a minimum age requirement of 60 and can accommodate up to 45 women. Right now, there are only 23 retired ladies of the night living there. The majority of them continue working, because there are still people who want to pay to have sex with them.

While reporting on Casa Xochiquetzal, VBSers met Reyna, 86, “Who sang for [them] and told [them] stories of her youth. They met Lourdes, “a childless widow in her 60s who is still turning tricks.” They spoke with a woman in her 80s named Canela who had only recently stopped working, and Paola, who is still in the biz “and hopes to continue working for as many years as she can.”

The saddest part of the story? The VBS reporters ended up spending Mother’s Day with the women, some of whom were talking about their children — but none of their offspring came to visit. VBS.TV editor and producer Bernardo Loyola said of the experience:

I think the work that this house and its director Rosalba Rios do — as weird and unusual as it may seem — is incredibly valuable. Spending Mother’s Day with these brave women forever changed they way l look at prostitution and without a doubt has been one of the most intense parties I’ve ever attended.